among other things

three thoughts today

2011-01-22T06:23:00.000-08:00

1. after an exam, i thought: how do you know if God is testing your determination or how badly you want something, or he is just telling you that it is not for you?? would the law's definition of "iumpossible" apply???

2. maam baldovino said: once a dream is granted or given to you by God, do you really have a choice other than to follow it??? do you get to change your mind and stop?? NO.

3. from gossip girl: when we give up something we really want, we hope that the universe will reward us. xxx if you love someone, set them free.

peace and love to all!
ciao!

please watch the video or listen to the song...

2011-01-11T22:06:00.000-08:00

india arie - can i walk with you

here are the lyrics:

I woke up this morning you were the first thing on my mind
I don't know where it came from all I know is I need you in my life
You make me feel like I can be a better woman
If you just say you wanna take this friendship to another place

Chorus
Can I walk with you through your life
Can I lay with you as your wife
Can I be your friend till the end
Can I walk with you through your life

You've got me wondering if you know that I am wondering about you
The feeling is so strong that I can't imagine you're not feeling it too
You've known me long enough to trust that I want what's best for you
If you wanna be happy then I am the one that you should give your heart to

Chorus

Now everyday ain't gonna be, like the summer's day
Being in love for real it ain't like a movie screen
But I can tell you all the drama aside you and I can find what the worlds been
looking for forever friendship and love together

Chorus

Can I walk with you through your life till the day that the world stops turning
Can I walk with you till the day that my heart stops beating
Can I walk with you through your life
Can I walk with you till the end that the birds no longer take flight till the
moon is underwater
Can I walk with you
Can I walk with you

This is the moment I've been waiting for
Can I walk with you
Can I walk with you
Can I walk with you

You are everything I've been looking for
Can I walk with you
Creative intellectual
Can I walk with you
Can I walk with you as your wife

LLB help 101

2011-01-07T22:21:00.000-08:00

i like this site: http://www.pinoylawyer.org/

sorry, di ko alam paano maglagay ng link. ptawarin ang techMoron... :P

but the site is quite helpful, i think.. coz u wont have to pay for subscrptions and downloads. :)

go look! :)

peace and love.
ciao!

to PnB, i say

2011-01-07T22:05:00.000-08:00

your friendship is good for me... and i love you. :)

*********************
as i was looking at pictures of love,
nainspire ko maghimo ug album which
will be dedicated to love...
photog and editing practice for me! :)

oh, and i got this pic from http://images.search.yahoo.com/images

adios 2010!

2010-12-30T02:23:00.000-08:00

so this year is about to end... what have i done this year? what happened to me this year? not much.. it feel like i slept through it. hehe:)i was employed, i got back into school, i stopped drinking, never smoked, lost weight, had a fling, met new people and discovered a deeper appreciation for this life. :)

for the coming year, i want to do better. i want to get a job again, get better grades, keep away from drinking or smoking, lose a few more lbs, have a couple more flings (haha), meet more people and continually enrich "the self" as i know it.

i want to be far more responsible and mature (whatever that means) this time. i want to be on time, when it comes to deadlines and appointments. i want to apply myself more. surely there is more for me to do out there, you know? like the rest of this world is outside my comfort zone, mu cocoon, my shell, my head... and i should do more. i just need to figure out what it is that i need to do.. :) maybe i'll get a hobby or read more novels. i feel empty, dry and lacking depth or perception sometimes. haha! luoy. i wanna be less impulsive and aggressive when it comes to the matter and manner of my speaking habits and stuff... i need to be more quiet and far more centered. :) i need to be more careful and less reckless. essentially, i need to improve!~ haha! :)

good luck to me.
god bless u! ciao!

intuition?

2010-12-03T23:55:00.000-08:00

something is off... i dont know what it is. i can not fix it if i dont know what's wrong. i dont even know if there is some sense of urgency... i can just feel it in my bones... its making my flesh shiver... and the butterflies in my tummy are going crazy... what is this??

of fist-bumps and past-loves

2010-11-12T21:31:00.001-08:00

sometime during my hibernation period, i took time to see my sis from manila.

this sis was the one who listened to me when i was oa/warlah with bigboy, and i listened to her drama with her BF i'll refer to as mr.playah. we were in love at the same time and miserable at more or less the same time. she knew bigboy and i knew mr.playah. we are both over-thinkers and feeling-logical-pero-uber-emo-diay. hehe:) and at that time, we seemed to be on the same page because we both felt too much for the boys in our lives and we were really willing to go beyond our comfort zones and do whatever to try to make it with them.... pano kasi, those boys made us really fall off our high horses for the first time... our high-and-mighty feelingera selves.. tsk. tsk.

so anyway, when i was in manila, she told me that mr.playah was in manila just days before my arrival. they decided to meet... and after a long time of not seing each other, mr.playah extended his hand to give her a ... FIST-BUMP!!! oh yeah! the fist bump. then said nothing... wala na silang masabi. hehe:) i was teasing her and giving her a hard time for it... because... imagine, feeling so much for this person, telling them you missed them constantly, all the moments you shared... the i-love-yous and the cry-cry moments, the you-and-me-against-the-world and the i-cant-live-without-you feelings... all that and more seemed to deserve the fist-bump. is that even right? or ethical? or proper? what??? i dont get it.

oaky, in situations like this, what are you supposed to do? how do u greet an ex? how do you greet a past-love??

a. "hi" + wave
b. hug
c. beso/kiss
d. handshake
e. wala

a mere "hi" plus wave is too impersonal.. like magkalimtanay pa mog pangalan na level. a handshake is too formal. a bow is OWVURRR! a hug is too intimate. a beso or kiss on the cheek can be misleading. are we really out of options to the point that we greet past-loves with fist-bumps?? what happened to doing nothing and playing it cool?? that's how you greet most friends, right?? like, wala lang... ex naman siya, so demoted na siya from lover to friend. nothing is fine, i think.

why the fist bump??? maybe because generally, its a non verbal way of saying that u dont want anything more than friendship. a fist bump should tell you that you have been categorized under "strictly friendship only" or something like that... the fist bump suggests that they regard you as a person close to them, but there is a wall between you. there is a limitation to the kind of relationship you'll have or emotional investment you would make with this person.

given that, maybe the fist bump is the next best thing... right after nothing. hehe:)
but boys and girls dont normally fist bump... but whatever.

god bless!
ciao!

*********************************
ps. last night, i got a fist-bump
from a past love, so i remembered.
hehe:)

in re: hibernation

2010-11-12T21:07:00.001-08:00

yes, i have been hibernating for the past few months... i was taking time off from my all consuming social life to focus on me and my skewed/stunted maturity... i have even kept myself from making entries here since i am trying not to make this a quasi-diary or more like an avenue to show-off my weak human sides... glad to know it worked.

since the time i tried to stay under the radar, things have changed. i feel like i have grown some and matured... i did somehow explore a few romantic webs, (although under the radar) and i found myself in situation i never thought i would. although i spent very little time with them, i met people who have opened me up more than i thought they would. i experienced a lot and realized so many things. see mommy? i learned!! :)

im back in school too. :) i hope i do better than good this time. :)

god bless!
ciao!

set the BAR

2010-09-29T21:39:00.000-07:00

i went to the the last sunday of this year's bar operations... SOO.PER.FUN. :)

i wanna enrol myself next sem na!!! bahala na si darna kung paano ki imamanage yun! bahala na!!! bahala na ang pagbalance ng money making activity at acads! bahala na. dive na to!! go na! hahaha!

chakabelles. ganun pala ang barOps... nakakatuwa. nakakatouch. nakakaiyak. nakakatuwa. nakakatakot. as ruffa would put it (in that tunog bading voice of hers): NAKAKA-LOW-KAH.. :)

i want that for myself (that, among other things). i forgot who i was and what i wanted last year... and the bar ops reminded me of who i was and what i wanted (even stuff that have nothing to do with law) back then. :) but the year that passed has taught me to trust God more... this time, i understand that i need to worry less about getting the things i want because if God meant for me to have it, then it shall be mine. :)

TAL ver 09/09 vs TAL ver 09/10

2010-09-23T03:38:00.000-07:00

here are some of the obvious upgrades:

1. dyeing my hair was out of the question. :)
2. couldnt wear high-waisted pecil skirts with really high pumps in broad daylight, nor tube dresses w/o cardigans over them. im definitely more vain now.
3. i am 10 pounds lighter now. woohoo!
4. i no longer drink. i stopped since may 1, 2009.
5. it has been a little more than a year since my last stick of yo... :)
6. dili na ko igat!!! haha! i no longer how to employ "da mubs" nor drop flirty teasing lines. and i do not want to be seen as someone like that anymore. i now understand that sex is only a currency during desperate times. hehe:)
7. i actually partnered with my HS bestfriend to launch a business in fashion.
8. i want to be employed now... and stay in that company for good. haha! inow understand that working, being employed, or aligning urself with a company for the longest time does not mean you'll sink into mediocrity.
9. i think i can manage my *ehem* feelings now. or at least i'd like to think i can. hehe:)
10. i have more faith... in God, the universe, my friends, my family, and most importantly myself. i feel tougher now. charuuuuuuuuut! :) haha!

i know, i know.

2010-09-23T03:23:00.000-07:00

one full year has passed since we called it quits in dimsum diner guerrero. remember?

you know, so much has passed and so many things happened. i still feel some amount of pain, but i no longer remember all our memories. i can hardly remember how it was. time has made me forget.

now, the only struggle i have is getting over all the things that i have been through and all the things that i discovered about myself. i just need to get over the loss of my naivety (no, not the sexual kind, but more like rose-tinted glasses approach to relationships). since i realized that i was wrong about so many things, i feel like i need to reconstruct myself and focus on coming up with a better version of myself this time. para next year, lahi na imong makita ta ako!! haha!

september ending

2010-09-23T03:16:00.000-07:00

1. i still dont have a job. haha! i have not really excerted extra effort to look for one because i will be on travel till the second week of october.
2. i have decided to pursue photography... but i can not yet afford a good camera... not until i get a job. hehe:)
3. closure? nope. i dont have that yet.

so i guess i'm still in the grey area but this timei have a more colorful perspective. hows that? :)

god bless.
ciao!

wake me up when---

2010-09-11T06:00:00.000-07:00

---september ends...

i hope by the end of this month, i would no longer be in the gray area and i would have a job, a new hobby, and closure. :)
wish me luck! :)

****************************************************
i had a lot of fun with mike last friday.
we took pictures and we watched despicable me.
the pictures look nice -salamat kay nakapraktis na jud ko ug edit. and walking around with a camera was liberating... ambot. i really missed the feeling... i have forgotten how good it felt. :) and it takes some time to get over despicable me due to agnes' cuteness... "its so fluffy im gonna die! its so flufffffaaaaaayyyy!!!" haha!

god bless u.
ciao!

baby steps in the gray area

2010-08-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

"if you don't stand for one thing, you'll fall for anything."

i have always tried to avoid the gray area. when an issue is presented, i always try to see it in black and white. i always try to decide whether i am for it or against it. i hardly have no comments, or no opinions regarding a certain matter. i always make a choice. i believe that making a choice allows you to address the issue in an efficient and timely manner.

right now, given all the crazy things going on in my mind, i am forced to be in the gray area. i have to live in this gray area for an indefinite period of time and it is incredibly difficult for me. I am struggling with the time factor because i am very impatient and i need to restore my peace of mind asap. My peace of mind cannot be restored yet because i am in the gray area. being here kills me because i feel like i am powerless and i am unable to address the several issues that cloud my mind. i feel stuck because i cannot make choices and viable options do not seem to be present. i am so confused, and i hate that.

but the thing that keeps me going is my faith in the fact that things will get better with time. God is next to me. this is just another thing i need to deal with or another phase i need to be in, in order to learn more. so i will take all of it in. i will survive this one day at a time. i'll get to where i am supposed to be and be who i am supposed to be. baby steps...

god bless you.
ciao!

afterthought---

2010-08-28T21:05:00.000-07:00

i feel so humbled by the grandeur of God's design. i feel so small, yet so empowered to do something great, to be someone good.

a blessed sunday to all.

good morning sunshine!

2010-08-28T20:15:00.000-07:00

it feels like i have been asleep for the past year. i missed out on so much. true, a lot of things happened... too many to enumerate... and i felt so much, like gabalde, gabaha! haha! but it feels like everything's just part of a dream. i say this because i feel like i got disconnected from the rest of the world, from my friends and family, and mostly i felt disconnected from myself. i just wallowed in my thoughts, ran around my head and walked the earth only half-conscious of what was really going on and what i was doing.

but my eyes are open now. ☺

2010-07-15T21:54:00.001-07:00

i want a new hobby...

something thats gonna make me:

1. make new friends,
2. take up my time(even weekends),
3. make me think or acquire a new skill,
4. happy. :)

suggestions???

peace and love
ciao!

practice shots 2010 batch 1

2010-07-15T02:46:00.000-07:00

http://tanya006.multiply.com/photos/album/61/practice_shots_2010_batch_1

please take a look at my shots through my multiply account and give me your comments... please? thanks! :)

what's new?

2010-07-07T23:04:00.000-07:00

1. my age! i am now 25 years old. :) to me, that means a whole new set of responsibilities and expectations. *sigh* but i cant complain. because hitting my 25th year is such a huge blessing. indeed i am far more fortunate compared to plenty of other people in the world who have not reached that age as i have. i feel so blessed and my heart sings praises to the Lord above for all that i have and for all that i am.

2. my perspective or my approach to life... :) or at least i feel like it has changed somehow... erm, drastically in my 24th year actually. hehe:) my 24th year was action/drama packed. i no longer feel that real life is so boring that its soul-crushing thus...

3. my blog's appearance has also changed! :) i changed it because i want to present myself differently this time. i welcome change just a bit more now so i look forward to new experiences and stuff... :)

well, that's all for now...

peace and love!
ciao!

beauty beyond bigkas

2010-05-29T04:09:00.000-07:00

i have been on travel a lot recently... i have seen so many beaches and coastal areas that i now have a different kind of appreciation for the sea. i like beaches, but im no beach baby... madali akong magsawa sa dagat. but now, it seems my tolerance has increased...

here's why:

these were taken in mabini, compostella valley.

god bless!
ciao.

ah ken transfowm yah!

2010-05-22T20:35:00.000-07:00

funny thing is, i can say i'm happy...

true, i have been sober for 23 days now... and i have no plans to put alcohol in my mouth anytime soon. i still go to parties, not every single one of them (like i used to); just the "nice" ones... i just dont drink or smoke... i find myself being able to have fun though...

funny lang kay gabii, we (perry n nica) went to a pool party (pix posted below) and perry handed me his cup full of alak... and i dunno what came over me, siguro purely out of habit; as in without making a conscious decision, i took a sip!! haha! as soon as i realized it, i spat out the alak!! hahaha!!!

i feel happy with all the changes. :) thanks God.

god bless!
ciao!

******************************************

this morning, over coffee, i remember
he said: "di man pwede tulad ng dati,
may changes man talaga..."
and yes, meron nga... and im happy
with the changes within me.
change is not something i should resist,
nor fear. its actually good and i have the
power to wield it.

icebox for a heart

2010-04-17T22:04:00.000-07:00

i am the kind of person who does not hold grudges, or angst or bitterness or negativity. if i feel like i can hate you, i'll basically stay away from u... para iwas samok bah. i do not really try to please everybody, but i do not like having enemies. the friends i make, are friends i'll keep for life. so when u say u want to be friends, i take that seriously... it does not matter if i like you, not even if you broke my heart... if i decide to be friends (in the most conventional understanding of the term), then we are friends.

now, i just dont understand why all of a sudden u seem cold and distant. we used to be okay friends... why the cold shoulder now?? if ur into someone else, that's fine.. i just hope that me reaching out to u or my acts of kindness wont be interpreted as me trying to win you back over again for repetition twice...

dont get the wrong idea. dont get too full of urself.. im not after you. the romantic aspect of our relationship has long expired... :)

if u dont want to be friends with me, have the balls to say so. u'll gain my respect if u do.

ciao!
xo

election story for thought

2010-04-01T03:02:00.001-07:00

Election time,.. heaven or hell

Subject: Election time,.. heaven or hell HEAVEN OR HELL?

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”

“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.

“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity.”

“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.

“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his fr iends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good
time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”

The devil smiles at him and says,”Yesterday we were campaigning …Today, you voted.”

new hobby!!! :)

2010-04-01T02:05:00.000-07:00

here are a few of the arrangements i made for my home...

i have a new interest.. arranging flowers!! :)

(kagirly noh?? :) m a step closer to my dream to be a suzy-home-maker kind of girl.. NOT! haha! :)

bdw, i wanna milk this.. so if u need flowers.. arrangements, etc... u need it delivered or what... i can make it happen. :) just contact me (09327301515) at least 2 days before u need them... :)

wee! god bless! :)

17!!!

2010-03-16T18:29:00.000-07:00

its funny how i decide to post his on the 17th! haha! :)

this morning i woke up asking myself if i was ready to let him go... let go in a sense that every morsel or grain that i keep in the deepest parts of me is to be cleaned out and released to the wind.

i think its goodbye. for real. i'm saying goodbye. i think i can do that now. :)

love and peace!
god bless!
ciao! :)

*********************
i know u dont like this topic,
but its gotta be posted for
diary purposes... :)

march on!

2010-03-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

march is women's month. march is the month when my tito, and papa have their bdays. :) i like this month and at the same time dread it. it marks the start of summer vacation and this coming summer, i want to make new memories to overshadow the memories of my last summer. :) wee! i look forward to the things i'll do this year.. :)

new baby steps...

2010-02-26T20:37:00.000-08:00

this is what i have been working on...

my best friend and i have always wanted to do something together... given the difference in our personalities, we still came up with this as a hobby, business, creative output.

1 AM Fashion Factory is still starting, so i as for your support and understandin.. i do appreciate criticisms... brutal honesty is a must. :)

check out our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100000671332289&ref=ts

the past and the future...

2010-02-23T21:30:00.000-08:00

shots of my two-year old mangkin at my lola's first death anniversary...

quick & easy oatmeal cookie

2010-02-17T21:48:00.000-08:00

ingredients:

3 eggs
1 cup shortening
1 cup flour
1/2 ts salt
1 cup raisins
2 ts baking powder
3 1/2 cups oatmeal
1 cup sugar

preheat oven to 350F.

pour boling water over raisins (just enough to cover the raisins). let sit.

combine all other ingredients together, then stir in raisin mixture.

drop by teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheet. bake in hot oven for 12-15 mins.

the picture above is what it looks like before baking. the picture below was taken after it was baked. :)

the recipe makes about 60 2-inch cookies.
i like this cookie because they are soft, not too sweet and they are so easy to make.
try it!

god bless you!
ciao!

**********************************
i like baking! :)
im back to doin the things i used
to love doing.. :)

i see dead people.

2010-02-11T21:02:00.000-08:00

i hate fear... yet its on my back like a dark hairy mole. i'm marked with fear.

no, i dont have the fear of spiders or the dark or stuff like that... i used to be scared of the deep water, but not to the point of fainting... i used to be scared of heights, but after i tried wall climbing, i found myself able to manage it well. anyway, that kind of fear is not the kind i am referring to... although, as i write this sentence, i realize that it should hint to the things i am (deeply) scared of...

on my 21st bday, my parents gave me a car but i never drove it. it was just parked on the driveway for 6 months before my parents finally decided to sell it. i did not want to drive for the fear of injuring someone... or getting into legal trouble.

i am 24 years old but i am still scared to fall in love. (okay, super cheeeezy line. sorry.) i am scared of how it will not turn out the way fairy tales predict... and instead become a collection of melancholy poems. i fear the pain, the unknown and the unknown amount of pain i have to live through if i allow myself to love.

well, since i am just rising from the ashes of my recent burn-out, i find myself far more scared now... i fear that to let him go means goodbye for good and we wont find our way back to each other. on the other hand, i fear that to hold on means being stuck and i dont want to be here till death. it seems that my fear of the unknown and of getting hurt again and being cursed to a miserable life has been intensified...

right now, i am just lost. but soon i know i'll find the courage. i know it's there somewhere... that bit of courage brought me here, so i just need to find it within myself again huh? :)

god bless!
ciao!

baby steps to old self :)

2010-02-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

i was practising with the camera my broody left me.. :)
its been years since i took pictures. i need practice... much practice. i dont know how to focus. and i feel like my composition is off now and i need to pay attention to the artistic value of my pix... hmm... i need to relearn everything... but the three pix should tell you im back to a couple of my old hobbies: photography and plants... :)

lalalalalav month!

2010-02-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

boo! i hate this time of the year.. everyone is sooo lovey-dovey... (haha! and yes, i realize that i was sounding a bit bitter while i was adding more o's to "so" hehe:) im glad the year of the tiger is on feb 14 so it kinda takes attention away from the day intended to celebrate love. boo! a day to celebrate hope, hunger or poverty should be set aside too... for all those things are also important. boo!

i especially hate this day, this year. i still have my battle scars and i am still a bit bruised from all the fighting i had to do in the battle field that is love. boo! i am perfectly fine, actually. i would just really hate to know that they (bigboy and gumby) went out and had a good time. of course they would, coz that's what couples are expected to do. and coz motels slash their prices this time of the year and we all know who is a bit of a perv... i know im not supposed to care anymore but... i dont know... so BOO!!!

if u hate is, suck it. (--weh? ill party. anyone wanna join me?)
ciao!

buhbye january!

2010-01-30T03:16:00.001-08:00

what happened to me this month??

i was in manila nung early days of january. i went home to get a few things straight (like business permits, etc..) and because his bday was coming up and because i needed to talk to him about things and i did not really have anything to do in mla. :) then i started a new business with my friend... i hope it will be successful because i delayed job hunting for this..

left-overs anyone???

2010-01-30T02:30:00.000-08:00

"manluod ko? o kalimtanay na ta?" --- *like* haha!

well, last night nianhi siya sa balay... nagubot kadali akong world. hehe:) kay gitext diay siya sa akong mama para kuhaon ang bday gift niya.. nasuya ko bai! haha! lain kaayo kay gapanluod pa man gud ko niya... nanluod ko kay ingon siya adto ko sa iya bday pero wa jud siya nagnimbita. :( boo! i know, OA ra kaayo ko. haha) pero ang root sa akong panluod kay he was not there when i needed him. i told him man gud na i needed someont to talk to about something and that i was feeling down. and he said punta siya sa bahay, blahblah... but nothing! then he said kunin niya yung gift niya pero wala pud... kapoy asa sa paasa. i know dapat dili na magexpect pero abi nako amigo mi eh.. hmm. then he tells me na busy siya! hahaha! thats a laugh and a half! :P

so he was here last night... he took a zippo lighter from my collection, promising not to lose it and giving it back after a year. i protested but it was useless. he wanted my earings too! but told him was not giving it to him even if he replaced it in case of loss. and he counted the days when we last saw each other. and i hate the way he looked at me kay pirmi siya gatanaw and gareminisce. and iyang ginagmay na jamming. ug naglagot ko kay galikay siya ug mention sa iyang uyab! tapos he told me my cooking was good, that i did not gain weight, blah blah... my best friend was here and from what he saw, he said that the guy was rather flirty. bad nh? kay naa baya uyab si chorbah! unsa ko?! my best friend said that it was a mind game. boo! whatever. i dont want to play the role of "the other woman" even if i still had feelings for him. he can not have us both man gud tapos hassle/unfair/suya sa ako na mamiga siya nako nga naa man siya uyab! bisan pa muingon siya na wa siya naganahi ato or ganahn siya nako, the fact is- sila gihapon.. ug wala koy plano musawsaw ana. ingon pa akong amigo kay mura lang kog gihimong option number two kay kabalo siya na ganahan ko niya ug dili nako batasan nang magreject ug tao. isisp siguro niya na kung unsa man galing, naa ra ghapon ko. kaso, mapan-os raba gihapon ang bahaw ug salin.

ug naktawa ko kay ana siya na "nagchange diay kag numbers?" i said "oo" tapos ana pud siya na "mao diay sige kog tawag, cannot be reached..." hahaha! sabaja! atik kaayo kay naa raba gihapon akong mga old numbers... hahaha! and kabalo na siya na nagchange kog numbers, wa pud niya pangayu-a ang bag-o... hahaha! joke kaayo! ambot ani niya uie! in fairness, ginapalisdan jud kog move on ha?! sa dihang sige ra siyag sulpot sa mga panahon na arang-arang na ko!

whatever. basta dili ko musugot na mura kog bahaw... kaunon ra inig wala nay lain ug grabe na ang kagutom...

happy birthday

2010-01-17T05:09:00.000-08:00

"we make our own fortunes and then call them fate. And what better excuse to choose a path than to insist its our destiny? But at the end of the day, we all have to live with our choices... no matter who is looking over our shoulder."

i hope u are truly happy with the decisions that u made. dont tell me u want me, because u are committed to her. you cant come to me if u have regrets now, because for all the times that we shared and for all that chances that we had, you never chose me. dont tell me "hindi pa yun ang panahon para sa atin" because you had control over the situation and you could have said no to her if you really wanted me.

and i hate that people keep telling me about her even when i dont ask. dengit! i would have preferred that i did not know such things so that to disregard her feelings would be much easier. and so that i would not feel too sorry for myself.. i know she models, she has a day job and she has her own place which is free from parental supervision... she already has u, now i learn that she has much of all the other things i want. but i cannot talk about her, nor harbor any feelings of joy nor contempt for her, because we do not exist to each other. :) and i'd like to keep it that way.

as for you, i just really need to get you out of my system. i need to detoxify and rehabilitate myself... i have to isolate myself and have 100% no you for the days to come... wish me luck.

ciao!
god bless!

2009 higlights

2010-01-04T08:22:00.001-08:00

yeah, a couple days late... but as you know, i was a bit distracted... anyway, here is a rundown of my 2009...

JANUARY--
-hongkong
-yonie got married to tata
-first month as Sigma Tau MU!!
-conflicts 2009; student council, legal pictionary champs
-we met

FEBRUARY--
-my lola passed away; my viada classmates and TM sisses went to the wake

MARCH--
-exams and dealing with haters
-TM luau
-papa's bday

APRIL&MAY--
-yonie gave birth
-buds, beer, billiards
-almost did not go back to school

JUNE--
-hongkong
-school; he handled my enrollment, unexpectedly classmates

JULY--
-birthday; dinner with family, friends, plus cakes and flowers
-i made a serious booboo; one i must not forget.

AUGUST--
-mama, lolo, tang's bday; he went
-not a good month for us

SEPTEMBER--
-when it was getting better, i do something again
-"unhealthy" talk on the 17th

OCTOBER--
-sembreak
-fugs helping me get over the whole thing

NOVEMBER--
-i decided not to enroll
-kuya's bday

DECEMBER--
-Sigma Tau Mu anniv
-Lex Talionis anniv
-i saw him holding her hands and i started to really get over things

how i started the year 2010

2010-01-01T07:48:00.000-08:00

january 1, 2010 at around 2:00am, my cousin and i went to this party...
my classmate was there and i was sooo drunk and i ended up embracing him till morning... so werd...
so there i was, really enjoying the party= music + people + alcohol + good vibe. hehe:) i was nostalgia tripping with an old friend, then i decided to thank my classmate for the year 2009. i said "thank you for 2009" sabay hug and kiss sa cheek... tapos di na kami bumitaw. then he started talking, just opening up about what we shared for the past year. sabi niya na hindi pa yun ang time para sa amin. he said that he was in a relationship (with the girl i saw in that bar) but napilitan lang siya and that he would have wanted me if ever... but the past year was not the time for it. he told me he could see that i have grown so much.

he said a lot of things.. much of it, i wont include in this post.. oddly, it seemed like he was reading my mind because all the things he told me answered all the questions i have always wanted to ask but never did. he seemed to be giving me doses of honesty and relieving himself of some baggage. i appreciated it. i thought it was a good close to 2009 and it seemed to shed positivity on 2010..

i still like him, but i now have (better) control of what i feel. i also have a clearer picture of my role in the scheme of things in his life. i have some amount of peace now.

*sings* "so i'll let you go. i'll set you free. when you find you, come back to me."

to a happy and prosperous new year!
god bless you!
ciao!

*****************************************
ps, i got super drunk and for the first
time in a long time, i got a hangover!
haha! i am so decided on cutting back
on alcohol this year.. :) help!

found this on FB--

2009-12-30T23:03:00.000-08:00

BY: M.C. DUANE/LAMBING LANG ANG KATAPAT MO!!!!

WARNING:

SASAKIT ANG MGA MATA MO SA KAKABASA NITO
DAHIL ITO NA YATA ANG PINAKA-MAHABANG
BLOG NA ISINULAT KO NA MABABASA MO.....

Just loan me your EYES for 45 minutes, Walk with me...

* Isipin mo na lang kinukwentuhan kita habang naglalakad tayo sa Roxas BLVD. papuntang PIER *

PAUNANG SALITA: Minsan ang "utak" natin ay "walang puso", at kadalasan naman ang mga "puso" natin ay "walang utak". -duanesis of a.p.o.k.a.l.i.p.s.i.s.

( Ang Pahayag O Katotohanan At Lirikong Isinulat Para Sa Inaping Sugatan. )

CHAPTER I:

Pagkatapos ng masaya at matagal na relasyon paano ka nga ba makakabangon muli at magpapatuloy? O kahit sa maikling panahon lang kasi minsan kahit sandali mo pa lang nakilala yung tao eh minahal mo na din s’ya na halos katumbas ng pang-habang buhay na!! WOW PARE BIGAAAATTT!!! Ang hirap nga naman mag move-on lalo na minahal mo talaga yung tao at maganda naman ang pinagsamahan nyo pero dumating sa point na ‘hindi pala kayo talaga’… Super sad ang mode mo nito pero dapat kang gumawa ng paraan para ma-overcome mo ang iyong nararamdaman.

Sa buhay natin, may mga taong darating para ipalasap ang tinatawag nilang “pagmamahal”, may mag-iistay, may napadaan lang, at meron parang halos sumilip lang sa buhay mo sabay sibat! Shet!! Minsan may taong dumaan lang sa buhay mo para saktan ka at ipamukha sa’yo ang feeling kung paano din ang masaktan, mga naghahanap ng damay! Magpa-powertrip na yan at naiisip nya na.. “mukha kang matatag ah tingnan natin ang POWERS KO sa’yo ngayon!!” At ayan na, pag dumating na ang mga sandaling nahulog ka na sa “BALON” ng pagmamahal nya “HE or SHE GON’ CLIMB UP” naman pabalik sa itaas ng “BALON” na pinanggalingan nya na parang si SADAKO lang galing sa pintuan ng puso mong pinasukan lang nya para MAG-STOP OVER sandali at handa na ulit s’yang dumirecho sa kanyang tunay na patutunguhan.. sa kanyang totoong rota… UNFORTUNATELY, IYON AY HINDI SA DAANAN PAPUNTA SA PUSO MO. Wellz, that person ain’t ready to “FALL” for you that’s why. Well, congratulations N’ welcome to the club! NAYARE KA!!! =p

Bukod dyan, eh mas marami pang ibang MASASAKLAP na pangyayare at mga cases ng mga nabigo sa pag-ibig, at alam ko din na sawang-sawa na kayo sa kasabihan na “pag ikaw ay nadapa, bumangon ka”, kaya ngayon nag-isip si M.C. DUANE ng ibang mga paraan upang I-REPAIR AT GAMUTIN ANG MGA PUSO NATING SUGATAN. (So mekaniko na pala ako ng puso ngayon?) haha! para kasing kotse yung puso natin eh, pag mas mabilis ang “takbo”. . . (ang takbo na tinutukoy ko ay nagsasalarawan ng PINTIG at PAGTIBOK ng ating puso, naks!!) kaya pag mas mabilis ang takbo at nabangga ka… mas matindi ang DAMAGE!! TOTAL WRECK talaga!!! Pag nagdahan-dahan ka at nagmi-minor ka lang ng konti.. mabangga ka man eh hindi ka gaano masasaktan, parang puso din natin yan eh, dba? Eniweiz.. hindi ko sinasabi na wag na kayong maghamahal ng todo UNFAIR naman yun sa mga mamahalin nyo pa lang in the future, pero maglaan din kayo ng konti para sa sarili nyo, kasi paano kayo magmamahal ng ibang tao kung sarili nyo nga hindi nyo kayang mahalin??

Bigyan kita ng simpleng Halimbawa: Ikaw tinitipid mo ang sarili mo, sa pagkain, sa gamit etc. Pero pag bibili ka ng pang-regalo sa kinababaliwan mo na tao eh to the highest level ka!! NO LIMIT talaga parang si MASTER P, nakalimutan mo na din mag-ayos ng sarili mo, pumorma, bumili ng mga bagong damit mo, pabango etc. at TOOTHBRUSH N’ TOOTHPASTE na din kung medyo nananapak na ang hininga mo!! Sige ka wala nang hahalik sa’yo nyan kasi siguradong ma-na-KNOCK-OUT!! Haha!! GALANTE ka pagdating sa taong minamahal mo, ang tanong? Na-a-appreciate ba naman kaya nya ang “Ninoy Aquino International EFFORT” mo?? Hanggang paglipasan ka na ng panahon ni hindi mo na iniintindi ang sarili mo, Baka sa huli eh MAG-CRASH yang PUSO mo na parang EFLANE sa EFFORT!!! FWE!!! Punyetang “F” Virus yan!! At hindi mo na din napapansin mukha ka ng FALABOY este PALABOY SA LANSANGAN!!! NANGGIGITATA KA NA kakaisip sa kanya PURO NA LANG SIYA, SIYA… at SIYA!! O S’YA eto imajinin na natin ang worst case scenario… sa kabila ng mga ginagawa mong pagsuyo sa kanya eh ipinagpalit ka pa din nya sa iba or iniwan ka pa din nya, or binalewala nya lahat, pakshet!! Ngayon sino pang magkakagusto sa’yo mukha ka ng PULUBI SA DAAN! IBINUHOS MO LAHAT NG POWERS MO SA KANYA, kaya ngayon DRAINED na DRAINED ka na, kaya nawalan ka na ng gana sa lahat… Di ka na nag-aayos, puro sya kasi ang inintindi mo kaya ikaw ang napag-iwanan, tapos sya ngayon sisihin mo… YAN ANG MALI!! Well mali din talaga ang sisihin mo sya eh, wala kang magagawa.. di ka talaga nya TYPE, hindi naman nya kasalanan na magustuhan mo sya at mahalin mo sya eh, kaya pasensyahan na lang… kung mahal ka talaga nya kahit maging kamukha mo pa ang pwet ng lelong mo na puro burnik eh swerte ka, okies??

Kaya maglaan ng konti para sa sarili pero wag naman sobra kasi baka masyadong tumaas naman ang tingin mo sa sarili mo ngayon at masyado nang maging “PROUD” ang datingan mo at IKAW naman ngayon ang hindi iintindi sa nararamdaman ng iba eh TSI-TSINELASIN KO NG HAVAYABAS ANG PAGMUMUKHA MONG BATA KA!!! “Ganda mo ah!! AMPOGI mo ah!!!” Yan ang sasabihin ko sa’yo!! Lahat ng sobra masama, pag masyado namang kulang masama din, I-LEVEL MO LANG KAPATID yung tamang-tama lang ang timpla parang POP COLA!!! Mga kapatid, itong sinasabi ko sa inyo eh hindi ko naman sinasabing 100% na garantisado ‘to pero siguro kahit sa 1% lang ng mga sinasabi ko ay may mapupulot tayo at makakatulong sa atin kahit papaano, kaya kung gusto mo na talagang makalimot halika na sa byahe natin!!! (Sigurado ako pag yung mga ADIK ang nakarinig ng salitang BYAHE nagigiyang na yan hahahaha!!!)

Ok then let’s move on to my sh!t…..

Wellz, in my opinion, the first step in moving on is admitting N’ accepting the fact that it’s OVER. You broke up because the relationship is not working anymore. You just have to admit na hindi na talaga kayo pwede. If you’re meant to be, you’re meant to be.

Lalo lang kayong magkakasakitan pag ipinilit nyo pa nang BONGGANG-BONGA ang mga panget ninyong mga sarili sa isa’t isa!!! Haha jowc!! *PANGET PALA HA?? BAKIT PERPEK KA?! PERFECT KA??!!!* (LMFAO!!!) At higit sa lahat may mga tao pang pwedeng madamay sa LABSTORI nyo katulad na lang ng mga taong malalapit sa inyo at may care sa relasyon ninyo, kaya dapat magfocus ka na lang sa mga dapat i-prioritize- first and foremost, your relationship with God; your family and friends; your studies, your career (Parang showbiz ka lang ah! Taray!) and syempre yourself. Learn to appreciate N’ take care of yourself. Don’t think na walang nagmamahal sa’yo. Marami sila, nasa paligid mo lang and they will support you all the way at wag na wag ninyong kakalimutan ang PINAKA TARANTADO SA INTERNET!!! ANG WALANG KA-KWENTA KWENTANG SI GANGSTER RAPPER BOY M.C. DUANE of APOKALIPSIS na handang tumulong sa inyo nang bongga kahit puro MORAL SUPPORT lang… umaga, tanghale, gabe, madaling araw kahit sa merienda, breaktime at midnight snack! At wag na wag nyong kakalimutan ang recess!! Y’all know naman na ako ay handang magsulat ng mga NAKAKAPRANING NA BLOGS para totally makapag-move on ka na, sila, kayo at kung sinu-sino pa!! Oh N’ yeah, Remember: God is preparing the best Man/Woman for you. You just have to wait for the right time and right circumstance… You can’t move on unless you do that. A person in denial will never get past the stage of moving on. You have to ask yo’self din what lessons God wants you to learn sa nangyari sa inyo. I believe God allows us to experience these kinds of trialz N’ heartachez in life to make us grow stronger and wiser, y’knowhat i’m sayin?? =)

For starters, eto ang mga pwede mong gawin:

Nurture the pain for a while, it’s your right to hurt..

then if you get tired of crying N’ hurting. . .

you’ll know that there are a lot of other emotions that you deserve to feel..

then you’ll just let the time heal all wounds. . . ( TRU DAT!! )

Or kung gusto mo naman…

1. Isipin mo sya sa umaga
2. Isipin mo sya sa hapon
3. Isipin mo sya sa gabi at madaling araw at kahit pag leap year na din!

Pag nakakalimutan mo. . . isipin mo agad!!

Eventually, magsasawa ka na rin,

kakaisip, pag dating ng ilang araw pa,

kusa nang di mo naaalala,

mukhang UMAY na UMAY ka na huh!?!

PERO DEPENDE SA TAO YAN NOH!!

Minsan kasi sa buhay ng tao, meron tayong mamahalin ng sobra. At kung sino pa yung pinahalagahan mo at minahal ng sobra yun pa ang sobrang nakasakit sa atin. Sabi ng iba kung gaano ka daw nasaktan ganon mo din siya kamahal, kasi kaya ka nasasaktan kasi mahal mo, di ka naman daw masasaktan kung WALA LANG.

Ang heartaches kasama sa buhay natin yan eh. Pero paano nga ba ang gagawin mo pag yung sobrang minahal mo ay hindi pala para sa’yo? Iyon bang buong buhay mo pinangarap mo na sana siya na nga at sana kayo na FOREVER… Forever ever?? foreva eva?? for eva eva?!? TEKA SINO BA SI EVA?!! ALING EVA ECHOZERANG FROG KA NAMAN PANGGULO KA EH!! MAGULO KA PA SA PUBIC HAIR EH!!!! LOLS!!! Okay let’s continue.. Pero yung forever na yun ay hindi pala “siya”. Aray nako!! *OUCH!!!!*

OH YEAH!! IT’S LIKE DAMN!! LIKE WHOA!!!

Pinipilit mong intindihin pero hindi maabot ng tamang pag-iisip mo, kung bakit hindi pwede maging kayo. Masakit, oo sobrang sakit, kung baga sa kanta “ knife cuts like a knife how will I ever heal I’m so deeply wounded knife ” meron pa.. ” the first cut is the deepest ” o yung kay Michael V. na old skool song yung…

Sinaktan mo ang puso ko
Sinaksak mo ng kutsilyo
Binuhusan mo ng asido
Pinukpok ng martilyo

Sinaktan mo ang puso ko
Ngayon ako’y naghihingalo
Mauubusan na ‘ko ng dugo
Sinaktan mo ang puso ko

At marami pang kanta na sumikat dahil sa heartaches. Naiisip ko normal lang naman talaga ang masaktan eh. Kasi halos lahat ng tao nakakaranas nun… lyk forealz!!!

At dahil nakita ko sa aking FRIENDSTER, FACEBOOK, MYSPACE, TAGGED, BEBO, TWITTER, MULTIPLY, Hi5, ADULTFRIENDFINDER at BANGBUS na maraming nagtatanong kung paano daw ba mag move-on sa isang broken relationship ng magkasintahan, mag-asawa O kahit tipong M.U. lang basta may nararamdaman kayong FEELING NA KAKAIBA SA ISA’T ISA?? *TANG INA PAG-IBIG YAN!!!* =) Kaya eto naman ang sagot ko: Depende siguro sa sitwasyon kung paano ka nasaktan. May iba’t iba kasing sitwasyon eh tulad nito:

1. Sobrang minahal mo na sya, parang kayo na… na hinde. Kahit saan mo tingnan sadyang (ANG GULO sa lahat ng ANGGULO!!), umiikot ang mundo mo sa kanya, pero nang tumagal nag-iba na sya ng hangarin, iba na ang nararamdaman sa’yo. Dati parang M.U. kayo na di nyo mawari, ngayon hanggang kaibigan na lang talaga ang tingin sa’yo, parang ang dating nag-a-audition ka muna sa kanya. Minsan hirap pa s’yang sabihin sa’yo kaya lalo kang maguguluhan, yung tipong gusto mo ng itanong sa kanya na “ANO BA TALAGA TAYO?? HINDI NGA TAYO PERO BAKIT NATIN GINAGAWA ANG MGA BAGAY NA’TO?? ANO BA TALAGA AKO SA BUHAY MO?? PAMPALIPAS ORAS LANG BA AKO?? SINASABI MO NA NAMIMISS MO AKO… AT NAMIMISS DIN NAMAN KITA at alam ko din na ITONG TRATO NATIN SA ISA’T ISA ay “MORE THAN JUST FRIENDS” at “LESS THAN MAGJOWA” kasi HINDI NAMAN TAYO, PARANG M.U. NA HINDI??! PERO SANA HINDI MO NA LANG IPINADAMA YAN SA’KIN, KASI BAKA HANAP-HANAPIN KO NA ‘TO EH… DI BALE SANA KUNG WALA KANG BALAK ITIGIL YAN, PERO SANA HINDI MO NA LANG IPINARAMDAM, kung AALIS ka rin lang…” Pero wala kang lakas ng loob sabihin kasi natatakot ka sa mga pwede nyang sabihin na hindi lang magiging maganda sa pang-unawa mo at baka masaktan ka lang agad lalo DAHIL PINILIT MO SYA AT MINADALI MO LAHAT ANG MGA PANGYAYARE EH KAYA DAHIL DYAN MA-PE-PRESSURE LANG SYA NA ANG MAGIGING RESULTA AY IKAIINIT LANG DIN NG ULO NYA AT PAGKAINIS SA’YO KAYA IMBES NA MAGANDA ANG MARIRINIG MO EH MAKAKATIKIM KA LANG NG MGA MASASAKIT NA SALITA NG DI ORAS, kaya minsan palilipasin mo na lang ang panahon at ikaw ay “mag-go-GO WITH THE FLOW” na lang muna kahit alam mo na naman sa sarili mo na sa “IMBURNAL PA DIN NG REJECTION” aanurin ang iniaalay mo na pagmamahal sa kanya, minsan paaasahin ka pa, akala mo may hinihintay ka pero wala naman talaga, kasi wala naman syang sinabing maghintay ka eh, tipong PAKIRAMDAMAN na lang ang labanan, nangyayare yan kahit dun sa mga NAGLILIGAWAN pa lang, M.U. = Malabong Usapan at NAGKAKAMABUTIHANG PUSO, Isang napakalaking PALAISIPAN yan. Walang sinabi ang Crossword Puzzle!!! =)

2. Sabi nya friendship is all he/she can offer. Pagkatapos ng lahat sasabihin nya cool off muna tayo, after a week or so friends na lang tayo. Haller? pwede ba yun? friends? can ex-lovers be friends? Mahirap yun. Pero in my case posible na yun, napag-aaralan na yan… “KUNG GUSTO MAY PARAAN, KUNG AYAW MAY DAHILAN”-lyrics ko yan sa underground song namin na apokalipsis nung 1997!! pino-promote ko pa?? hahahaha!! =)

3. O kaya… it’s not you, it’s me.. (WOW!!! YAN ANG DIALOGUE NI MARICAR REYES SA COMMERCIAL NYA NG KFC HOT N’ SPICY CHICKEN, REMEMBER??) So ayun na nga, it’s not you, it’s me.. hindi ikaw ang problema .. ako… Mga tamang alibi ba. KAYA KUNG AKO SA’YO GAYAHIN MO YUNG KA-PARTNER NYA SA TV AD NA YUN ng kfc AT SUMIGAW KA NA LANG DIN NG “HOOOOOOOOOO!!!!” na parang na-anghangan ka lang sa maaanghang sa salita nya sa’yo!! hahahaha!!

4. Eto ang mas masakit, ” Hindi na kita mahal, meron nang iba ”…. nangyayare din ito madalas sa mga MAG-ASAWA kasi minsan NAGKAKASAWAAN na sila, kaya pag may isa sa kanila na di matanggap ang desisyon ng bawat isa sa kanilang mag-asawa…. (KUMUHA NG LUBID, KUMUHA NG LASON, KUMUHA NG BARIL NA KWARENTA’Y SINGKO, PUMUNTA SA TULAY, LUBID AY ITALI, UMINOM NG LASON at IKAW AY MAGBIGTI, SABAY BARIL SA ULO!!) Morbid!!! Hindi kita binibigyan ng idea ha!! Mas masarap pa din mabuhay lalo na pag sinusuwerte ka kahit gawin mo pa ang mga bagay na yan tapos may HIMALANG magaganap na katulad nito… (NANG MAGBARIL KA SA ULO ITO’Y DUMAPLIS, TINAMAAN ANG LUBID kaya NALAGOT ITO sa KINAKAPITANG TULAY at IKAW AY NAHULOG sa ILOG at NAKAINOM KA NG TUBIG KAYA NAILUWA MO ANG ININOM NA LASON!!! HAHAHA!!! ANGAS DI’BA??! Ibig sabihin hindi mo pa talaga oras!!! Kasi MASAMANG DAMO KA!!! Magbagong buhay ka na!!!

5. OR.. Ikaw lang ang may nararamdaman.. one sided love ba.

At marami pang scenario kung paano ka nasaktan, y’knowhat?? madami pang iba. Ang hirap … kasi kung mahal na mahal mo tapos ganyang mga approach ang maririnig mo, malamang kung di malakas ang tolerance mo sa pain mabaliw ka na. Una tatanungin mo ang sarili mo ..

BAKIT? BAKIT AKO PA? WALA NAMAN AKONG KASALANAN!!! NAGMAHAL LANG AKO?? PUTRAGIS!!!

Minsan sinisisi mo pa yung NASA TAAS kung bakit nangyayari sa iyo ito? Bibitawan ang mga katagang “Ano ang gagawin ko?” Bigla na lang tutulo ang luha mo… bababa ang tingin mo sa sarili mo, iisipin mo unlikable ka, LOSER, *You’re such a LOSER YAYA!!!* Walang kwenta, Walang kasing panget and Wala ng magtyatyagang magmahal sa’yo N’ all that crap na puro pagse-self pity na lang ang ginawa mo sa sarili mo! Hmf!! Sadyang nakakababa talaga ng self-esteem pag yung taong gusto mo hindi mo makuha kahit anong gawin mo. . . Mahirap kalaban ang puso lalo na ang ego.

Yung iba gagawa ng paraan para mawala ang sakit na nararamdaman.. magwawala, kung dati good girl.. ngayon ang tawag sa kanya ” GOOD GIRL GONE BAD ” sisirain ang sarili dahil lang dun. Kung lalaki naman syempre good boy naging BADBOY.

*well kung si M.C. DUANE ang tatanungin nyo.. eh dati na akong BADBOY, pero nasa lugar naman* =)

Yun iba maglalasing, lulunurin ang sarili sa alak para mawala yung sakit na nararamdaman pero pag gising mo bukas doble ang balik sayo.. BROKEN HEARTED ka na nga BROKEN HEAD ka pa! Kasi masakit ang ulo mo sa HANG-OVER pero andun pa din ang sakit sa puso mo. YIKES!!! Kaya BLAME IT ON THE A-A-A-A-A-ALCOHOL. . . ISISI MO SA A-A-A-A-A-ALKOHOL!!!!!!!! hahahahahahaha

Yun iba naman maghahanap ng PANAKIP BUTAS/REBOUND which is not advisable kasi lalo lang lalala ang sitwasyon, may mga tao ka pang masasaktan at idadamay para mawala lang yan sakit na nararamdaman mo.

CHAPTER II:

Kaya ang tanong ng bayan… anu-ano ba ang mga paraan na makakatulong kahit konti, para tulungan ang sarili mo na makapag move-on?

CHECK THIS OUT!!! You’ve broken up with your significant other. Now what? Do you jump into work? Or ja-jump ka sa San Juanico Bridge?? Get a hobby? Go out with someone else right away? OOPS!! Hinay-hinay lang…. Here are some tips to help you out.

1. Umiyak ka - Iiyak mo lang, hindi masama umiyak, pag sobrang sama na ng loob mo, minsan masarap umiyak, kahit lalaki ka pa umiyak ka lang, kahit MUKHA KANG BOUNCER, SUMO WRESTLER, BODYGUARD O MGA DAMBUHALANG MGA NILALANG KAHIT HINDI BAGAY SA’YONG UMIYAK…. UMIYAK KA PA DIN!!! MAGTAGO KA SA C.R.!!! TAPOS PAG NAHULI KANG LUMULUHA SABIHIN MO PINAGPAPAWISAN LANG YUNG EYEBALLS MO KASI GLOBAL WARMING NA!!! O KAYA NAKALUNOK KA NG ISANG TIMBANG SUKANG PAUMBONG O KAYA NAG-GAYAT KA NG ISANG KILONG SIBUYAS KASI GAGAWA KA NG KILAWIN!!! Hahahahaha!! CRY ng CRY until you die!! Nakakagaan yun ng pakiramdam. Syempre sa tagong lugar ka umiyak or sa mga friends mo. Minsan masarap pag may humahagod sa likod mo habang umiiyak ka at habang tumutulo ang UHOG mo sige I-BLOW mo lang ng I-BLOW tapos DO THE HAGOD!!! SA LIKOD HA!!! At tiyak ko pagkatapos mong umiyak luluwag ang naninikip mong dibdeb!! I, THANK YOU!!! BOW!!

2. KUMANTA KA!!!! - Madalas nagvi-videoke ang mga SAWI, dun nila nailalabas ang mga sama ng loob nila, mabenta dyan ang mga awiting “SAAN, SAAN AKO NAGKAMALI?” sabay maglalakad-lakad ng dahan-dahan at titingin sa malayo matapos basahin ng tipid ang lyrics sa videoke…

MARAMI SILANG TAWAG DYAN, (BIDYO-OKE, BEB-JU-KI- at VIDEO-OKAY??) at hindi ko lubos maisip kung saang wika nila isinalin-salin ANG SALITANG yan!! BAKA HANGO SA WIKANG BANYAGA NG MGA DUGONG BUGHAW na BRITON at PRANCES na tubong Jaro Iloilo, kung paano nangyari ang mga iyon ay hindi ko alam problema na nila yun bahala sila sa buhay nila!! Basta may kumakanta na tono lang ang sinasabayan, mali-mali ang lyrics, medyo IS-LENGG pa minsan pero baluktot naman talaga ang dila at ang pagkaka-slang ng mga hayup habang tinitingnan pa kung nagana ang mic nila kaya panay ang HELLO.. HELLO.. pero tamang pa-kyut lang naman habang kinakanta ang….

“WELKAM TU DI HOWTELLL KAL-LI-PORN-NYAAAHH!!! SATZ A LABLI PLEYZ, Hello? Mic test! Hello?! SATZ A LABLI PLEYZ!!”

at parang may namatayan o nasusunugan ng bahay habang sumisigaw ng bongga sa mic ang mga HIJO DE POOOTAH!!!

at ang isa pang kanta na nabasa ko sa KAPITAN SINO ni BOB ONG na nakakatuwang kantahin kasi TAGALIZED NG KONTI ANG LYRICS….

“Nating sgona change my lab por you, YOU KNOW NAMAN MY LAB how much I lab you, deworld may change my whole layp tru but nating sgona change my lab por youuuuuu!!!!”

Hahahahaha!!! PARANG TANGA LANG DI’BA?? Pero ang mahalaga nailalabas nila ang hinanakit nila sa matinding imbensyon ng mga taga RAON, QUIAPO at ARRANGQUE boys ang inasembol na VIDEOKE MACHINE!!! At eto ang pinakamatinding tanong na itatanong sa inyo. . . .

ARE YOU HAVING FUN?!

-(laging lumalabas sa videoke machine screen bago iskoran ng 100 points ang TALENTADONG MANG-AAWIT kahit na alam naman ng lahat na mas sintunado pa ang boses nya sa BAKLANG NAIPITAN NG LITED sa pagkanta ng MY WAY!!!) Hala kayo!! Pagkatapos nyong kantahin yang My Way eh baka paglamayan na din kayo ng di oras!!! Agawan kasi ng agawan sa mic eh!! Akala ko ba mga Badap lang ang nag-aagawan sa mic?!! LOLS!! (^^,)

3. Accept the Reality - Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Do not give yourself unrealistic fantasies that you might get back together one day. Respect the fact that the relationship had it’s time, but has no ran out ways to work. This was a chapter in your life that has now closed N’ you are now ready to grow N’ enter another chapter of your life. Kagaya lang din yan ng sinabi ko sa mga ibang blogs ko eh… “REALITY BITES… MINSAN MAY RABIES PA!!!”.

4. Develop new skillz or learn some new skillz - Focus mo na lang ang atensyon mo sa ibang bagay, tulad ng pag aaral ng bagong skill, pwede ka ding mag-blog katulad ng ginagawa ng “inyong lingkod” EHEM!!!, or mag-aral kang mag-drive, mag-aral kang magluto kung di ka marunong.. that way makakalimutan mo na yung misery mo, may bago ka pang natutunan!! Libangin mo sarili mo.. Meaning wag kang mag focus sa kakaisip sa heartache mo, kasi the more na iniisip mo lalo ka lang mahihirapan.

5. STAY AWAY FROM HIM/HER - The best thing singles can do immediately upon a breakup is to get rid of all those sappy, sentimental items you have laying around. That means deleting his/her number from your cell phone, dapat lang pati number nya burahin mo na sa phone mo, para hindi ka na ma-tempt na i-text s’ya. Lahat ng memories nya itapon mo na kung gusto mo mag move on… “TEKA PARANG LUMALABAS KUNSINTIDOR PA AKO AH??” haha! Kasi the more na nakikita mo mga gamit nya, maaalala mo pa din sya, Kaso yung iba dyan binura na nga yung number PERO KABISADONG-KABISADO PA DIN NAMAN!!! Hehe!! Basta kung gusto mo maka move-on dapat lahat ng bagay na nakakapag-paalala sa kanya iwasan mo na, ERASE… ERASE… ERASE… or ibigay mo sa basurero yung mga pictures of you two together, N’ tossing all the cards and letters na parang CONFETTI LANG SA MAKATI AVENUE PAG MAY RALLY!!!! Hahahaha!!! Keeping those items will only serve to put you in a state of prolonged nostalgia. One day down the road you might look back fondly at the times you had with your ex. But until you can gain the clarity to see your relationship objectively, don’t torture yourself with constant reminders. Allow yourself to be angry and sad in a healthy way aight?! It’s the gangster tawkin yo!!

6. Free will - Sarili mo lang ang makakatulong sa’yo. Dapat kung gusto mo kalimutan ang isang tao, meron kang sapat na kakayahan na gawin yun. Dapat talagang gusto mo. Kasi kahit sundin mo lahat ng sinasabi ko kung hindi ka pa ready, USELESS lang din.. ndi ka talaga makakamove on. Lahat may rason, kaya dapat may rason ka din bakit mo gusto gawin ito.

7. Love yourself - Para masabi mo sa sarili mo na karapat-dapat kang mahalin, mahalin mo muna sarili mo. Paano ka mamahalin ng tao kung sarili mo ayaw mo? ilang beses ko na sinabi yan di’ba? Inuulit ko lang para di mo makalimutan!! Love yourself ika nga, magpaganda/magpagwapo ka. Improve yourself. Tapos ngumiti ka.. yan ang pinakamurang pangpaganda/pangpagwapo. SMILE!!!! ;)

8. Keep yourself busy - Ituon mo ang sarili sa career, sa studies (matutuwa pa parents mo nyan), mga extra curricular activities… Maganda ma-involved sa sports or mag join ng iba’t-ibang club, siguradong makakakilala ka ng mga taong kapareho mo ng hilig at curiosity. Kung pansin mo naman na tumataba ka na or kailangan mo mag gain ng weight punta ka sa gym or try aerobics.

9. Stay more close to your family - Maging open ka sa kanila at ilabas yung sakit na nararamdaman mo. Alam nila anong makakabuti sa’yo at handang magbigay ng advice na tiyak kong makakatulong sa nagdurugo mong puso!! * anobaah! :D *

10. Be with your friends - // DRINKING SESSION // CHILL-OUT // GUMIMIK // SLEEPOVERS // MALLING // SHOPPING // WINDOW-SHOPPING (mamili ng mga bintana) // Kadalasan nakakalimutan natin sila o di kaya hindi na nakakasama tulad ng dati na wala ka pang karelasyon or ka M.U. or nakakamabutihang-puso, Pero true!! Kapag nawala na si bf/gf, si friend nandyan pa din, AKO NANDITO PA DIN =) sasalo sa’yo at handang dumamay sa ano mang hinanakit mo.

11. BLOGGING - Pwede mong ilabas yung mga saloobin at mga nararamdaman mo dito, pwedeng mga experiences mo sa LOVE etc. and I’m sure makakatulong ka pa sa iba na makakabasa ng blogs mo! HAINAKU PARANG KILALA KO YANG TAO NA YAN!! wushu!!! achu-chu-chu!!! =p

12. Subukan mong gawin ulit yung mga bagay na kadalasan mong ginagawa noon nung wala pa si ex-bf/gf - I’m sure may ilan sa kanila na super nag-eenjoy ka noon pero dahil nga sa masyadong natuon ang time mo sa bf/gf mo eh ‘di mo na nagawa pa.

13. Focus on You - Take some time to get to know yourself again before you get involved with someone else. Know what you really need and deserve and what you are ready to give another person. When you are sure about what you are willing to give and to receive, you will be able to find a partner who will suit you well. Treat yourself. Help yourself by getting a new outfit, haircut or make-over. The old saying is true, you feel better when you look great. It is also a wonderful spring board to getting back in the dating pool.

14. Learn from It - Everything is a learning experience, so use it your advantage! Look over your relationship N’ list what went good about it N’ what went wrong. Para lang yang… “Saan, saan ako nagkamali??” LOL!! Use these notes as a tool to improve your relationships skills. Life can seem like a pretty bleak place when you’ve just weathered a break up. But keep in mind, the relationship with your ex is over for a reason: you weren’t right for each other. That means the one absolutely perfect for you is still out there. Kung babae ka… malay mo AKO NA YUN!!! yiheeee!! ( kapal! ) at kung lalake ka.. it’s my bad!!! Sorry all circuits are busy now… hindi ako pumapatol sa kapwa ko barako kaya please try your call next summer!!! Oh well, N’ picture the right person for you and the kind of relationship you want out of life. Remember, you deserve to be happy. Know when it’s time to date again. When you’ve given yourself enough time to work through your emotions, then you can begin to date again. The amount of time needed for this varies with the people involved and the specifics of the relationship. Gage emotions about your ex honestly, and if you’re not overcome at the very thought of them, work on meeting new people. Aim for a state of indifference. In other words, it’s okay to get a slight twinge upon seeing your ex; it’s not okay to suddenly want to throw a plate at their head. Tsk tsk tsk that’s baaadd!!

15. Never Generalize - Madalas kong sinasabi sa mga blog ko ‘to!! Wag ninyong ISISISI SA LAHAT ANG PAGKAKAMALI NG ISA!!! Going through a break up does cause you emotional withdrawal N’ pain, which may cause you to generalize everyone you meet or choose to date. Keep in mind that everyone is an individual with their own unique qualities N’ personalities and your encounters with them will not carry the same experiences as your ex-relationship. Now that’s what I’m tawkin’ about!!

16. Flirt and date, (KUNSINTIDOR TALAGA ANG LOLO MO!!!) But don’t rebound - What’s the difference, you ask? When you flirt and date, you open yourself up to new people and to the possibility of love. When you rebound, you immerse yourself immediately into a new relationship that isn’t exactly right in an attempt (sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) to distract yourself from your pain.. says duane =)

17. Feel the sadness AGAIN - Dang!! I know, I know! You’ve cried about your ex enough o’ready. Unfortunately, discovering that he or she is dating somebody new is bound to re-open your wound, YIKES!!! No matter how “over it” you thought you were. This is normal. Allow yourself to experience the pain once again. The good news is that this blow won’t last nearly as long as the one right after the split.

18. Stay Healthy - Eat right, Stay Fit, Exercise, Work out, Hit the gym thrice a week or everyday depende sa schedule mo. Get enough sleep. In short, don’t let the break up make you physically sick, nah mean??! When your body is healthy, you feel good. When you feel good, you make good decisions and have a healthy self-esteem. Picture the day when you’ll be happy again.

19. Wish your EX well - Be happy that he or she has found love again. After all, this is somebody who has meant a lot in your life. You should want happiness and love for your ex. You will have happiness and love again too, so there is no need to be bitter. Chalk it up to fate, they say that timing is everything. They say that if two people are meant to be together, they will be together. If your ex has found a better match for him or herself, then you too will find a better match for yo’self.

And last but not least sa mga nabanggit ko;

20. Maging mas malapit kay God. Magdasal ka - Getting over with someone is a tough one pero sureness madali kang makakapagmove on kung meron ka nito! Humingi ka ng strength sa MAYKAPAL para kayanin lahat ng pagdadalamhati mo. Without the help of God we can’t do nothing sabi nila. Thank him, kahit sa heartaches pasalamatan mo sya, tapos magsumbong ka sa kanya, lahat ng nararamdaman mo sabihin mo sa kanya. Magugulat ka na lang dahil pagkatapos mo mag-pray ang gaan na ng pakiramdam mo.

Hindi naman ito mahirap gawin basta ba ready ka na mag move-on! ;)

CHAPTER III:

Minsan kasi may mga bagay na kahit anong gusto nating manatili sa buhay natin, kahit anong panalangin o pag-iyak ang gawin mo kung talagang hindi para sa’yo wala kang magagawa. Maglumuhod ka man araw-araw, magpakabuti para lang maisakatuparan ang bagay na ninanais mo pero sa di inaasahang pagkakataon di pa rin pwede. WACHU GON’ DO??

Bakit ba ang hirap tanggapin na kung ano pa yung pinaka gusto mo eh hindi talaga pwedeng maging sa’yo. Yung isang bagay na pinanghahawakan mo dahil yun lang ang pinakamagandang alaala na nangyari sa’yo tapos yun pa ang mawawala. Iiyak ka sa isang tabi (P.T.L.) na Parang Tanga Lang, kahit hindi mo isipin parang nang-aasar na yun pa rin palagi ang sumasagi sa isip mo. Pilit mong nilalabanan ang sarili mo na wag magpatalo sa emosyon mo pero… parang isang sirang plaka ng DJ na sumasagi sa isip mo na wala na.. hindi na pwede.. tapos na.. bumitaw ka na..

Mahirap.. kahit parang unggoy kang naka-kapit sa sanga kung yung sangang kinakapitan mo ay nabali na.. ang sabi nang iba, kung mabali man ang sanga itatali daw nya uli yun para lang makakapit ka uli.. pero diba pag nabali na ang sanga.. mamamatay na rin ito… kahit pa itali mo sya..

DRAMARAMA talaga ang tema ng blog ko pag seryosong pag-ibig ang napapag-usapan, senting-senti, EMO, kaya AMBOT SA EMO!!! Lungkutan talaga, hindi kasi yan mawawala sa isip mo kaya kelangan mo ilabas. Para kang mawawalan ng hininga kasi yung bagay na pinahahalagahan mo nagkaroon na ng katapusan. Hindi na pwede.. kaso mahal na mahal mo yung tao na yun? Pinipilit mong magpakatatag pero..

BAKIT ANG ISIP PARANG MAS MATALAS PA SA KUTSILYO KUNG MAKASUGAT?? korak!!!

Minsan mas gugustuhin mo na lang matulog palagi para yung sakit hindi mo maramdaman.. o much better sana hindi ka na lang magising para tapos na ang paghihirap mo.. pwes IPAPALIBING KITA!!! hahaha!! Biro lang!! Mahal na din pala magpalibing ngayon kaya itatapon na lang kita sa ilog Pasig!!

Pero kung ganon naman ang gagawin mo.. lalabas kang DUWAG.. ang hirap makipaglaban sa utak at puso.. para mabawasan ang sakit umiinom ka ng alak.. nilulunod mo ng alak yung lalamunan mo.. araw-araw sunod-sunod.. pero bakit pag nahimasmasan ka nandun pa din ang sakit.. kahit isang baldeng luha na ang iniyak mo bakit andun pa din yun katotohanan na wala na..

Pero, tinatanong mo sa sarili mo na.. ano nga ba talaga yun nagti-trigger ng sakit sa atin? Iyon bang pagtanggap na talo na tayo wala na tayong magagawa dun..or yung EGO ba.. o yung pagtanggap ng katotohanan na lahat ng mga alaala ay mababalewala na. Pero kung ano pa man ang dahilan andun pa din ang sakit.. DAYM!!! Sakit na kelangan mo na ngang mag let go.. kahit mahirap kelangan mong maging matatag.. dahil kelangan mong tanggapin na walang permanente sa mundong ito.. lahat kumukupas.. lahat nagbabago.. at ang tangi mo na lang magagawa ay ang pagtanggap.. pagbitaw.. at pagpaparaya.. hindi ba mas masarap yung pakiramdam na nagpapatawad ka.. yung kahit masakit sa puso mo.. wala ka namang magagawa .. imbes na isumpa mo yung tao o magalit ka.. hindi ba mas maganda kung mag-wish ka para sa tao ng mabuti.. dahil minsan may pinagsamahan din kayo.. at lalo pa minahal mo s’ya.. mahirap magparaya.. pero balang araw alam ko na may mga pintuan na magbubukas para sa katulad mo, sa kanila, sa atin, sa akin, ako… AKO MISMO?? Kase ikaw namiss ko =p ANG KORNIII MO!!! Waaahh!!! PARANG AKO LANG AH!! PARANG AKO LANG ANG MASAYA AH!!! Hahahahahaha!! Anak ka ng EMO ka!!! BAKIT HINDI KA PA NAGLASLAS?!! =p

Speaking of LASLAS, may ibang mga tao na matindi ang DEPRESSION NA NARARAMDAMAN SA KATAWAN, ibang klase yon, yun yung mga READY TO DIE na talaga ANYTIME at makakita lang ng kahit ano na pwedeng lagukin.. Halimbawa: Makakita lang ng SHAMPOO… eh TATAGAYIN NA NYA KAAGAD YUN KAHIT WALANG CHASER na KLOROX O KAYA PULUTAN NA BLADE, or LSD… (Lason Sa Daga…. yung Dora Rat Killer ginagawang mani!), minsan pa nga ang iniinom MURIATIC ACID, LIQUID SOSA, THINNER, ALCOHOL AT IBA PANG MGA LIKIDO NA NAKAMAMATAY PAG NILAGOK, kadalasan itong may nakalagay sa label nito na “KEEP OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN” eh putcha paano naman yung mga hindi na “CHILDREN” at MATATANDA na kaso DEPRESS na gustong inumin ito?? Kailangan pa din na HINDI NILA MA-REACH ang produktong iyon kasi PATAY KANG MATANDA KA PAG NAGKATAON NA TOPAKIN KANG MAGPAKAMATAY!!! PWES!!! ITIGIL MO ANG KATARANTADUHANG YAN!!! Pagkatapos mong lunurin ang sarili mo sa ALAK… yan naman ngayon ang tinotoma mo!!?? Pinapa-shot ka ni KAMATAYAN tapos IINUMIN at TUTUNGGAIN mo naman?? Masaya ka!! TANDAAN MO KAPAG NAGPAKAMATAY KA, PAPATAYIN KITA!!! =p

Ang dami-daming tao na GUSTONG GUMALING DAHIL SA MGA SAKIT AT KARAMDAMAN NILA PERO SA KASAMAANG-PALAD AYUN… NAKARATAY PA DIN SILA SA OSPITAL AT NAGHIHINTAY NG MILAGRO, swerte pa nga pag nasa ospital, eh yung iba nasa bahay lang… at hinihintay na lang ang katapusan ng buhay nila, tapos ikaw, MALUSOG, KUMAKAIN NG TATLONG BESES SA ISANG ARAW, NAKAPAGTAPOS NG PAG-AARAL, MAY MAGANDANG TRABAHO, BUO ANG PAMILYA AT MADAMING MGA KAIBIGAN AT KAMAG-ANAK NA NAGMAMAHAL AT HANDANG DUMAMAY, MAY BAHAY NA MASISILUNGAN, PA-INTERNET-INTERNET PA (”,) *KASI SYEMPRE PAANO MO MABABASA ITONG SINUSULAT KO NGAYON DI’BA?? EH NASA INTERNET ‘TO!!! HAHA!! PILOSOPONG KANGKONG DIN AKO EH NOH??!* Tapos ikaw…!?!?! Nang dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng isang tao na hindi ka na naman kaya mahalin at ipaglaban eh KIKITILIN mo ang iyong buhay ng ganun2x na lang?? OH C’MON!!! DON’T GIVE ME THAT SH!T!!! Ang daming humihingi ng chance para mabuhay dito sa mundo tapos ikaw tapon ka lang ng tapon?! Suicide ka lang ng suicide?? Anong gusto mong patunayan dun sa NASA ITAAS?? TAO ka lang, at nilikha ka ng DIYOS, s’ya ang nagbigay ng buhay sa’yo kaya s’ya lang ang may karapatan na BAWIIN yan, tandaan mo… ang buhay ay isang malaking pagsubok..

BIGYAN MO NAMAN NG HALAGA ANG BUHAY NA IPINAGKALOOB SA’YO, UULITIN KO… alam mo bang maraming nangangailangan nyan… tapos ikaw tinatapon mo lang!!! TAPON KA LANG NG TAPON EH HINDI NAMAN BASURA YAN…. sa totoo lang mapalad ka pa nga eh, kasi ang pino-problema mo lang ay ang…. “PAGMAMAHAL MO SA TAONG HINDI KA NA NAMAN MAHAL”…. Tingnan mo yung mga bata at ibang mga tao na nasa lansangan, yung mga nagkakalkal ng BASURA sa PAYATAS o kahit saang lupalop pa, yung mga kumakain ng TIRA-TIRANG PAGKAIN NA KADALASAN AY NASA BASURAHAN PA AT PUNO NG MIKROBYO, yung mga taong grasa, yung mga taong walang masilungan at yung mga tao na PERYODIKO lang ang ginagawang KUMOT upang hindi maramdaman ang lamig sa magdamag, SA TINGIN MO MAIISIP PA NILANG PROBLEMAHIN YUNG MGA GANYANG DRAMA?? Ang buhay nila ay ISANG NAPAKALAKING DRAMA na at hindi na nila kailangang idagdag pa yan sa mga iniisip nila, hindi na nila iniintindi yang MGA GANYANG BAGAY TUNGKOL SA PAGMU-MOVE-ON MOVE-ON NA YAN, nagpapatawa ka ba?? BAKA MAMAYA PAG TINANONG MO YAN NG… “eks-kyus mi po, paano nga ba talaga mag move-on??” baka eto lang ang isagot sa’yo nun at mayare ka lang…

“ANONG MU-BON MU-BON PINAGSASABI MO DYAN?? HINDI PA’KO NANANANGHALIAN BAKA SIPAIN KITA DYAN, LUMAYAS KA NGA SA HARAP KO AT BAKA IKAW ANG KILUHIN KO DYAN!!!!”

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! TATLONG ORAS KITANG PAGTATAWANAN!!!

Baka ikaw pa ang gawing SUBSTITUTE sa bakal nyan na ipapakilo sa JUNK SHOP sa asar sa’yo!! (^_^)

Nakita mo, hindi na nila po-problemahin yung USAPANG PAG-IBIG PAG-IBIG na yan, ang PAG-IBIG para sa kanila eh yung mayroon silang pantawid gutom at masisilungan sa buong magdamag, pinoproblema nila kung saan sila makakahanap ng pagkain at kailangan nilang maka-survive sa isang buong maghapon na naman, at ang “BUKAS” na naghihintay para sa kanila ay isang matinding “ADVENTURE” na naman, di ka ba bumibilib?? At walang balak magpakamatay yang mga yan, lalaban at lalaban yan… BY HOOK OR BY CROOK!!! Yan yung mga tinatawag na MATITIBAY ANG LOOB, eh MATIBAY ka din naman eh!! MASYADO KA LANG NAAAWA SA SARILI MO!!! Sige nga kung ikaw ngayon ang malagay sa kalagayan nila na halos hindi mo na alam kung saan kukuha ng pagkain sa araw2x baka maghikahos ka, baka sumuko ka… baka isumpa mo ang FIRST 3 MINUTES NG PAGIGING HAMPAS-LUPA, pag andun ka na sa sitwasyon na yun TRUST ME… pinagdaanan ko na yan… hindi mo na maiisip ang mga “MUSHY” things na yan!!! hahaha!! Nung AKO ang nasa kalagayan na halos hindi ko na alam kung saan kami hahanap ng makakain naming magkakapatid hindi ko na muna inisip ang PROBLEMANG PAG-IBIG na yan, inisip ko na may MAS IMPORTANTENG BAGAY ako na kailangang intindihin bukod dun, at yun ay ang MABUHAY na hindi kumakalam ang sikmura, malayo sa sakit at kumpleto ang pamilya… “MABABANGONG BANGUNGOT”….. BONUS na lang yung mga susunod na biyaya, solb na’ko ng ganun nah mean?? Kaya wag mong sayangin ang buhay mo, magpapakamatay ka para lang makalimot?? “CONDOLENCE” na lang ha!!! Kasi “NAMATAYAN KA NG PAG-IBIG”, wag mong ILIBING ANG SARILI MO, ILIBING MO ANG MASASAMANG ALAALA NG KAHAPON NA MAGDUDULOT SA’YO NG KAPAHAMAKAN, wag mong dibdibin yan kapatid. Look, ALL I’M TRYING TO SAY IZ….. ANG DAMI-DAMING NAGPAPAKAHIRAP AT GUSTONG MABUHAY SA MUNDO TAPOS IKAW MAGPAPAKAMATAY LANG?? ANG DAMI-DAMING TAO ANG BUMIBILI PA NG MGA MAMAHALING GAMOT PARA LANG MADAGDAGAN AT HUMABA PA KAHIT KONTING-KONTI ANG BUHAY NILA, TAPOS IKAW ni Sakit sa Kuko wala kang nararamdaman at HEALTHING-HEALTHY KA PA TAPOS YUNG BUHAY MO PINAIIKLI MO LANG?? WTF??! THINK ABOUT IT….. kung tutuusin napaka-simple ng problema mo kumpara sa mga taong nabanggit ko… at mas marami pang ibang tao na mas malala pa ang problema kaysa sa’yo… pero hindi nila iniinda ang kanilang suliranin at ni hindi man lang nila naisip kitilin ang buhay nila, tapos ikaw??! Nang dahil lang dyan sa NAUDLOT na “TOTAL KILIGNESS LOVE STORY” nyo eh susuko ka na agad? HINDI PAGPAPAKAMATAY ANG SAGOT SA PROBLEMA MO!!! Sige ka, sa tingin ko pag nagpakamatay ka mas malungkot… ligaw na kaluluwa ka na lang, wala kang makakausap, di ka na makakagimik (AMBABAW NG DAHILAN AMPOTAH!!), habang panahon ka ng malungkot at nagsisisi na sana hindi ka na lang nagpakamatay, saka mo na lang mari-realize at iwi-wish mo na siguro na kahit ISANG MILYONG HEARTBREAKS pa tatanggapin mo, wag ka lang MAI-STUCK sa lugar na yan ng KAWALAN…. Ngayon ay nababalot ka ng pagsisisi, NAKAKABINGI ANG KATAHIMIKAN, MADILIM, MALABO, MALUNGKOT, WALANG PATUTUNGUHAN, WALA NG MAKIKINIG NA KAIBIGAN SA PAULIT-ULIT MONG HINANAKIT SA MINAMAHAL MO NA ANG TANGING GINAWA AY ANG SAKTAN ANG DAMDAMIN MO, AS IN ZERO…… Infinite Sadness!!! Yikes!! BINIGYAN KA NG BUHAY….. PANGALAGAAN MONG MABUTI, USE IT WISELY….. Hindi yung… MAKIPAG-BREAK lang at IWAN ka ng KASINTAHAN o ASAWA mo eh…

- MAGBIBIGTI KA NA

- MAGPAPASAGASA KA SA TREN O SA BUS

- TATALON SA TULAY

- MAGPAPAKAGAT SA ASONG MAY RABIES

- MAGPAPATUKLAW SA COBRA

- O IPAPATUKLAW MO ANG IYONG COBRA SA BAKLANG MAY HIV/AIDS POSITIVE at FOOT & MOUTH DISEASE

- MAGBABARIL SA ULO, SA BUNGANGA, SA LALAMUNAN etc. ( deep throat style. )

- IPAPAKAIN ANG SARILI SA MGA LEON

- IPAPAKAIN ANG SARILI SA MGA TIYANAK ( Oh my God ang anak ni JANICE!! )

- IPAPAKAIN ANG SARILI SA MGA CANNIBALS NA GUMAGAMIT NG KUTSARA AT TINIDOR

- MAGPAPAKALUNOD sa DAGAT, sa ILOG, sa SWIMMING POOL, sa DRAM, sa BATHTUB, sa KIDDIE POOL, sa TASA!!!

- SUSUNUGIN ANG SARILE SA LOOB NG OCEAN PARK

- PASASABUGIN ANG SARILE SA PAMAMAGITAN NG MAGIC BOMB

- TATALON SA PAGKATAAS-TAAS NA GUSALI (PAG BUMUKAS ANG PARACHUTE TAKE 2 TAYO!!!)

- IPAPAHILA ANG KATAWAN SA RUMARAGASANG SASAKYAN NA PARANG SA PELIKULA LANG NI LITO LAPID

- GAWA NA’NG BALA NA PAPATAY SA’YO

- IPUTOK MO, DADAPA AKO

- IYO ANG TONDO, SA AKIN ANG CAVITE (clear copy)

- DITO SA PITONG GATANG (pirated)

- PAPATAYIN ANG SARILI SA KILITI =)

- KILITI ( triple xxx tagalog movie )

- AT BAGO KO MAKALIMUTAN ANG MGA IBA’T IBANG KLASENG LIKIDO NA INIINOM PARA
MAGPAKAMATAY KATULAD NGA NG MGA SINABI KO KANINA SA TAAS: KLOROX, SHAMPOO, GAAS, DIESEL, UNLEADED, PREMIUM. Sosyal ka ang mahal mahal ng gasolina iinumin mo lang LECHE KA!!!!

Kaya nananawagan ako sa mga gumagawa ng mga produktong ito… sa susunod naman ho eh baka pwedeng may FLAVORS na yung mga binebenta nyong MURIATIC ACID, THINNER, LIQUID SOSA AT ALCOHOL, wag nyo na isali yung KLOROX kasi may SAMPAGUITA FLAVOR NA YUN at saka SUNSHINE FRESH at take note MAY KALAMANSI FLAVOR pa!! ZOZYAL!!!! Sana sa susunod may HOT & SPICY flavor na rin, haha!! Also Available In Different Flavors: Strawberry, Orange, Menthol, Dalandan, Honey Lemon, Durian, Melon, Aratiles, Kalabasa, Afritada, Narra & Pandan. For Orders Pls. Call 843-82-31. All Rights Reserved. See Posters And Print Ads For Details.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:
- DRA. VIVIAN SARABIA *dahil “SA TINGIN” ko’y kakailanganin ko na ang tulong ng mga salamin nya sa mata dahil lumalabo na ang “PANINGIN” ko kaka-kompyuter!!!*

- BISUTO PRAWN CRACKERS (pinapasingit lang ni Kuya Germs)

- LAHAT NG GIMIKAN NA INI-EMCEEHAN KO, KAYO ANG LAKAS KO!!! (The Ka Limot Power!!!) hango sa palabas ni bossing VIC SOTTO, AIZA SUEGERRA at PANCHITO na TWINS: Ako si Ikaw, Ikaw si Ako-The Underground Partyman.

- DRA. VICKI BELO of BELO MEDICAL GROUP *dahil “MUKHANG” kakailanganin na ng “MUKHA” ko magpa-derma dahil sa mga sumusulpot na pimples kakapuyat ko sa pagsusulat ng mga blogs na i-re.*

- MY WORDPLAY it keeps better N’ better baby!!!

- SA MGA BABAENG “MALALABO ANG MATA” NA NAGBIBIGAY SA’KIN NG…. BUFFET OF FLOWERS este BOUQUET OF FLOWERS PALA, LALO NA PAG AKO AY NASA DJ’s BOOTH… HAHAHAHAHA!!!! PARANG BALIKTAD YATA, HINTAYIN NYONG AKO ANG MAGBIGAY NG CHICHARONG BULAKLAK SA INYO MGA BINIBINI.. (Choosy Ka Pa HUh!?!!?) DON’T WORRY HINDI NAMAN LUMALAKI ANG ULO KO EH… MAY KASABIHAN NGA SI M.C. DUANE NA “Di bale nang LUMAKI ang ULO sa BABA…… WAG lang ang ULO sa TAAS!!!!!” hahahahahahaha!!!!

- SA MGA NAGPAPA-PRINT NG MGA BLOGS KO DAHIL MAS MASARAP DAW BASAHIN SA PAPEL KASI NAKAKALABO daw NG MATA ang mga “UV Rays” na dulot ng MONITOR ng PC (kaya parang pocketbooks ang blogs ko na tigsasampung piso ang renta sa komiks stand.) IM-PER-NESS nakaka-flattered!

- AT SA MGA WALANG SAWANG NAGBABASA NG MGA KATARANTADUHAN KO ( Hikbi ). Kahit magang-maga na ang mga mata nyo kakabasa ng BLOG-GAGS KO ( BLAGAG!!! ) eh nandyan pa rin kayo, at nandito naman ako… AYLABYU OL!!! O di pa tayo tapos ha….. nag-commercial lang tayo! Oo mahaba talaga ‘tong BLOG ko!! Simple lang naman ang solusyon dyan kung magrereklamo ka, eh di wag mong basahin di’ba? Kaso sa mga oras na ito habang binabasa mo ngayon itong sinusulat ko eh halos patapos na din 2 eh kaya tapusin mo na din, haha! Nag-warning naman ako sa simula pa lang di’ba??

- And last but not the least, kay lambing dahil kundi dahil sa kanya hindi mabubuo ang mga pinagtagpi-tagping mga salita sa blog na ito at lalong lalo na sa nanghack nang lahat ng friendster accounts ko (sarcastic ako) ikaw ang nag-suggest na gawin ko ito, pinagkatiwalaan kita, akala ko pa ikaw si lambing yun pala ikaw ay praning wala na tuloy ang friendster page ko na nagni-ningning.

Maraming Salamat po sa inyong pagtitiwala!!!

(NOW BACKKK TO YOUUUUU, MELLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!-mike enriquez.)

NOW BACK TO REALITY:
(Just like Eminem’s verse on 8 mile’s soundtrack: Loose Yo’self)

Ngayon siguraduhin mo na sana na wag nang maapektuhan sa mga bagay na nangyayari sa iyo.. sa pag ibig na hinawakan mo nang mahigpit.. ayaw mong magpatalo sa emosyon mo eh.. kaya sumusuko ka na.. pero hindi ibig sabihin na duwag ka.. ibig sabihin nito ay natututo ka nang tumanggap ng pagkatalo.. ibig sabihin na yang dumating sa buhay mo ay isang PAGSUBOK.. CHALLENGE sa buhay na kahit apak na apak na ang pagkatao mo.. natuto ka pa din ngumiti, lumaban.. maging matatag.. at.. maalala ang NASA ITAAS.. napakasarap ng pakiramdam yung walang-wala ka nang lakas .. mananalangin ka sa kanya.. walang kasing sarap nang pakiramdam. Hindi habang panahon eh magdadalamhati ka TANGEK.. oo magdalamhati ka mga ilang araw.. pero kelangan mong bumangon sa pagkakadapa ( O DBA? ayan na naman ang walang kamatayang kasabihan na yan?! IT NEVER GETS OLD Man, IT NEVER GETS OLD!!! ) at iyon ang gagawin mo ngayon.. babangon ka.. at magpapakatatag pa!!

ANO BA YAN? PURO PAGPAPAKATATAG?! at PURO SUMBUNGAN NA LANG!?! PAULET-ULET!!!
( hahaha syempre! kelangan ko kase ITATAK sa KUKOTE mo yan! )

*Hmmm teka, shucks!!! bakit ko kinakausap ang sarili ko?! syettt!! malala na’to!!!*

ENIWEIZ,

May bukas pang naghihintay sa’yo kapatid..

Lemme tell you sumpin… I think that the only reason people hold onto memories so tight is because memories are the only things that dont change; when everybody else does.

I’ve learned that things change, people change, N’ it doesn’t mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It simply means that you move on N’ treasure the memories. Letting go doesn’t mean giving up… it means accepting that some things weren’t meant to be. SEE WHAT I’M SAYIN??

Kaya mo yan! I’m sure pag inabot mo ang chapter ng binabasa mo ngayon na’to eh magang-maga na ang mga mata mo…. at halos may idea ka na kahit konti kung paano gagawin yung mga INSTRUCTIONS sa pagmo move-on, kaya WINNER ka!!!

ENIWEIZ, Basta I can say na you’ve finally moved on pag wala ka ng bitterness towards that person…

Time heals…basta just have faith in God.. He will help you ease the pain and eventually, you’ll be able to face the world again with a SMILE… =D

Masarap din kase sa pakiramdam na kapag naka get over ka na, you’ll finally be able to wish that person well, kahit ba nasaktan ka nya…

after all, you are who you are right now because of your past… so if you feel that you’re a stronger, better person now, it’s because of the pain he/she caused you…

Just always look at the brighter side of things and you’ll be fine… believe me… nuff said.

ya wanna know the reason why I write blogs like this?

‘coz sumtymz… G’s need love too (^^,)
we hella tired of gangbangin’ N’ shyt… see what i’m sayin??

Respectfully Yours,

M.C. DUANE ( The Heartbreak Kid. )

**********************************************

hahaha! :)

last day of my 2009

2009-12-30T22:36:00.000-08:00

i cooked loads this morning. i woke up early and grilled ribs, cooked meaty carbonara and a mugna-mugna pasta recipe of tuna and red sauce. my mom fried chicken and prepared green salad..

twelve months ago, i would not have thought that i would take interest in cooking...

and my classmate had lunch with us.. the last lunch for 2009 and he was with my family.. and we were kidding around and laughing. he gave me comments regarding my cooking. he said my carbonara and ribs were good.

it was 11 months ago, conflicts 2009, that we became friends... more like drinking buddies... he was my summer, my birthday, my classmate, my sembreak, my heartbreak... and now, he is just a good friend.

as he was leaving, i called out: "hi mo ako sa chix mo ha?!" and he laughed saying "buang jud..."

a few months ago, i was telling myself that to be friends, (in the truest/common sense or definition of the word) was impossible because i felt too much for him. a few weeks ago, i was missing him so much. a few days ago, i was learning to get mad at him and see the how jerky he could be at times. a few hours ago, i was worried if i would survive being with him for lunch... but i did! with flying colors. :)

i think i'm okay now. and i am just trully glad we are friends.
chix come and go but true friends never leave you. and to be a friend to a person as good/nice/kind as him is fine by me.

its funny how i am back to calling him "dude" this time because that's what i called him before we blurred the lines of friendship... :)

i was worried about 2010.. i was scared of what it might bring. but now that i think about all the things that happened to me, my family, my friends, and the rest of the world this year and surviving all the challenges of 2009 with flying colors, i no longer fear what is to come. i now look forward to what 2010 has to offer.

happy new year!
god bless!
ciao!
xo
************************************

its the day before christmas!!

2009-12-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

and i feel so blah... haha! :)

1. i feel bummed coz i missed the last day of misa de gallo. i got 7 out of 9... i know, i already missed one so it is rather pointless to beat myself up over missing another one.. but i was looking forward to the last one!!! grr.

2. i hoe i get my christmas wish. i think this is the only year when i know for sure that i do not want any material thing.. nor cash. and i know this will sound incredibly cheesy and needless to say that i have poke fun at this cliche a million times.. but all i want for christmas is PEACE. *wonk. wonk. wooonk.* but i do!! i want peace of mind and i want peace for my poor little achy breaky heart. *haha* i want peace between me and my alter ego coz im soo tired of being in constant battle with myself. and i want peace (as in real peace, not the placebo/pacifier/kunware peace) between us. i want peace between my titos and titas, for my cousin and her lola & gay uncle, for konger and her 2 friends, for brian and his cousin. i want peace for the hearts of john, nikki, mam claire, and all the other people who are missing the home and everything that they were used to. i want all types of peace for all of the people around me. i just want peace and love everywhere everyday. that is my christmas wish. too bad that does not fit in socks.. not even in santa's magical red bag of gifts..

3. the guy-who-broke-my-heart-in-09 (haha! i just came up with that. i like the sound of that.) suddenly said he would come over on christmas day or the 26th or the 27th.. magtx daw siya when but he will come over. weird noh??? hahaha! :)ge lang, nadwat na nako ni nga part ug naanad na ko ani so di na nako ni i-overthink... bdw, weird lang pud kay he said he missed me with a highfive/pound-it gesture.. hahaha! like, awkward much??? haha!! whatever.

love and peace!!!
god bless u and ur family!!!

*****************************************
ps. i'll try to be really nice this chrismas.. :)
i want my wish! :) *fingers crossed*

10 days more!!! :)

2009-12-19T16:43:00.000-08:00

the last 10 days for the end of year '09.
5 days to go for christmas day.
1 more tulog for my kuya's arrival.

wee! :) i was super happy in manila -shopping, friends, separation from davao's crap... and i just like that city so much. everytime i walk around makati, it feels like i am home or like i am in my element... i hope to go back and stay there for some time... soon! :) humanda! haha!

the year is about to end and i realized that i have so much to be thankful for...
SUCH AS:
1. i opened myself up to someone. i got my heart broken. learned my lessons and now im bouncing back. :)
2. i am more certain that law (school) is something i really want... i want it so much that it kinda scares me... so pagbalik ko sa school, humanda!!! haha!
3. i find myself closer to my God this time and the possibilities seem endless... even quitting vices seem easy! :)
4. i also found a deeper appreciation for life and everything it is about. i feel blessed and deeply grateful for the people around me, for all the things that fate has for me- all the people i met this year, all the things i discovered and all the things i did this year...
MADAMI... but im tired and sleepy na because i came from misa de gallo kanina...

ciao!

***************************************
PS. god bless you! spread the love.
hapi pasko! hapi nuyir! :)

bad feeling not to be forgotten

2009-12-10T20:10:00.000-08:00

last sunday he tells me he missed me. last night, i saw him holding hands with a girl. perfect noh? nangurog ko. namugnaw. hyperventilate. then di makahinga. tightening sa chest. mind was wiped out. whew. that was hours ago but the feeling has not left me... the emotional aspect, the physical manifestation, and the mental blankness/anguish are still there. and i'm leaving for manila tomorrow and i'm not ready.

last night (in detail)--
i was at a watering hole in the city with an old guy friend.. when i got off the cab, i prayed na sana magkita kami. after taking a few steps, i turned and saw his vehicle heading for the parking lot... nasurprise ko! :) then i looked around pero sasakyan nya lang so i thought maybe may kasama siya sa car. but i saw no shadows thru the tint, so when it stopped, i opened the door and saw him with her on the passenger seat (where i used to sit). so with a smile on my face i asked "san ka?" without looking at her directly but seeing her shocked facial expression. hehe:) ka-awkward noh? he answered na dun sila papunta sa place where me n my frnd were supposed to go. so i closed the door again. matagal sila bumaba. n when they finally did, thru the corner of my eye i could see that he was walking a couple of steps ahead of her. when i looked up, i saw them looking at me and the girl grabbed his elbow. and then they held hands. then i just smiled and grabbed the bottle of vodka.. then he said some lame joke about "the bar" pero wa na ko kabantay kay at this point mura na kog gidauban!!! nangurog ko. namugnaw. hyperventilate. then di makahinga. tightening sa chest. mind was wiped out. he sat next to her and had his arm around her. she was malambing to him. (again, i saw this thru the corner of my eye. pasimple bah!:) clock ticked... he went out for a smoke. smiled at me and he looked at my friend. yung tipong nakaw na tingin. sipatan bah? i remember he did it a couple of times. then time kept moving.. then he went out for a smoke again and this time i asked him when niya kunin yung pasalubong ko for him.. he paused, smiled and said pwede next time na? i did not answer immediately, but i just looked at him. and told him il be in mla next week. he said "char mag-unsa ka didto?" "sikreto." then he said "dala mo ngayon?" and i tossed it to him. "ano toh?" no answer but i made a face as if to say wala lang so-so. then he said thanks. then it was awkward kay we had nothing to talk about so he turned towards the door. as he did so, he said "ikumusta mo pala ako kina tita tsaka tito.." then i said "asar! kaclose nyo!" then he replied/joked "syempre!" or something like that... nawala napud ko sa passing so i dont really remember anymore. hehe:) time passed again... and uwi na sila. when i got back from the restroom, i saw nasa parking lot na sila.. dumaan yung sasakyan niya sa tabi ko when they left.. then he said some stuff but all i could hear/remember was "thanks tans." or sumthing like that. i just looked at him for a sec and showed him my palm. then he drove off..

comment ng friends--
sabi ng friend ko evil siya. aksi nagsabi pa siya ng "mis u" last week...
and my freidn saidd, pwera love, ang chix daw kay mrag gikambras sa demonyo 6 times... hahaha! tapos ako kay 3 times lang daw... so panalo ako! haha! *labyoobai!*
pati sa lawas daug daw ghapon ko kay nataguan ra daw sa purple dress ang kamaot sa lawas ato... pero bitaw, tabaon bitaw akong tanaw ato niya.. and di kaayo nako feel iyang beauty.. or biased lang ko! hahaha!

sabi ng friends niya "nagselos ka noh?!" and they were laughing... nagulat ako kasi that was the last thing on my mind. wala ko nagselos.. weird. so i said "selos? wala. pero lain na makita nimo diba? pero ok lang. patas lang. all is fair in love and war. diba? murag ikaw gud! hehe"

comment ko---
when bad people do bad things, its nothing. when good people do bad things its something. so if u know ur bad, dont try to come off as a good person. it hurts more. again, i feel like i am losing faith in "the good" but im not wired that way. i will always believe in the goodness of people. it may seem naive and i may be gullible, but is it so wrong to have faith???

naapreciate nako akong ex kay bad siya and ang motto niya would be sumthing like "bad ko, labo na mausab. dili ko muingon na dili ko maghimo ug daotan. pero kung kaya nimo dawaton ko, maayo."

nalain ko. nalain jud ko.

2009-12-10T18:34:00.001-08:00

i still cant figure out why i did not feel any pang of jealousy... maybe because at that very moment everything i beleived in; everything about u, all that we built; the meaning and the value you have in my life, just came crashing down.

"to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"

2009-12-04T06:29:00.000-08:00

konger told me to see this. i anticipated the love stuff and the artsy fartsy appeal of the movie, so i watched it with martino, not really knowing that it was not a love story but a story of boy meets girl...

and i liked it... and no, not because the story sums up (with incredible precision) what happened between me and "my summer." although that personal experience contributed a lot with regard to my understanding or absorption of the story and what it was trying to say.

anyway, these are the reasons why i like it:

1. the shots were mostly close-up or zoomed in to something or someone. these shots are often used to draw attention to or emphasize someone or something. in the movie, it was used to give the audience a feel of what it is like to be in love.. u know? to pay attention to all the beautiful details, to just focus on that one person or event or thing and to not see the bigger picture. the close up shots got a bit annoying coz i could not see the scenery, but i appreciated the fact that it reminded us of how people in love see the world.

2. the story was not narrated chronologically. it went back and forth, relived some days and ignored some. i like that because that is how the mind works. the mind is not exactly always coherent, especially when it is rationalizing and trying to figure out a lot of things at the same time. instead, it pulls random memories and thoughts and it goes back and forth, while trying to make sense of things. it was rather helpful in conveying the characters pain and frame of mind.

3. i liked how love or experiences or a chapter in life was compared to buildings in architecture. it was said that in order to appreciate a building, you need to visualize or see it along with the other buildings around it.. in the same manner that an experience in life should not be taken as one unit or thing. it should be seen as a part of the grand plan or of life in its entirety.

4. i liked the black and white movie they saw! :) every scene had meaning or relation to what was happening with the characters tom and summer.. (actually, every scene in the movie 500dof had significance.. meaning, not much of the viewer's time was wasted.)

here are a few lines or parts that i liked:

*sadness is underrated.

*Summer: “One day I woke up and I just knew.”
Tom: “Knew what?”
Summer: What I was never sure of when I was with you XXX I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you…
I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you… ---ouch!

*and the part when they were at the door and Tom said that he did not care about the labels. he just wanted consistency; to wake up everyday blah-blah... the summer said "i cant give you that. no one can." like! hehe:)

there are a lot of things i forgot to mention in this post.. but these are probably the ones that i wanted to point out.

and i cant quite figure out why summer always had something blue on her... be it a blue ribbon, blue hair clip or her dress was blue or had blue prints... i did not get that... maybe it was a warning sign?? i dunno. i have theories, but none of it i can explain well.. any ideas?

ciao! :)

ps.
"If Tom had learned anything… It’s that you can’t ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. That’s all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence.
It took a long time, but Tom had finally learned. There are no miracles. There is no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be. He knew. He was pretty sure."

cebooo!

2009-12-04T06:21:00.001-08:00

i had fun in cebu. it was my first time to set foot on the queen city of the south. i went there with my bestpal since high school. i booked the tickets weeks ago. i was determined to have fun and give myself a break from all the negativity i had going on here... and i got what i wanted in cebu. :)

me @ the basilica minore del santo nino

i found out that--
--there are a loot of good looking and hot guys in cebu. the girls are pretty pero kasagaran sapyot. haha!
--the price range for food and drinks? well, it ranges from dvo price to mla price. it depends on what you want to experience; kung high end, meron and kung cheap-ass back packer lang, meron din.
--the streets are narrow and the sidewalks are narrow. and the streets are so inter-laced that it feels like there is no such thing as a long street that goes straight. streets are basically cramped and crooked.
--and dont be surprised if the prettiest faces have the most bisaya tongues... as in bottle = "batol", sparkle = "sparkol"
--the party does not die in cebu.. not even on sundays. but be careful of prostitutes and the like.. there are a lot of them.
--there is a pretty good balance between what is old and historical, and what is new, modern and industrial.

cebu is good for short breaks or cheap but crazy get-aways.. but i think i'll find it hard to live there coz i see myself getting bored or running out of things to do. i mean, the city will lose its luster once i master the streets so it will seem a lot less exciting after living there for a month or so. i'll probably have a routine by then, and i probably tried everything the place has to offer by then... so, manila still has it, for me.

xoxo

************************
bdw, thanks to the people who made this trip sooooper fun!

perr, oskie n mumuy @ penthouse

just a thought..

2009-12-04T06:07:00.000-08:00

i just thought that maybe loving is not for me. people move from one person to the next ant they are perfectly fine. the one time i decide to let my guard down, and i end up a wreck.

its really not for me. i like it, but its like a drug for me. i just realized that i'm the giver in a relationship and i can hardly stand knowing that a person is mad at me. those traits put together result in a martyr.. u know the kind that cant stop hitting her head with a hammer? :)

and i really dont know how to stop.. i think and rethink, analyze, rationalize and over-think! its exhausting. its too much but i cant stop. i wallow in feeling because i think that's what living is all about. you know?

its when you feel something, anything, that you feel alive. weird huh?? i dunno. maybe i gotta think about this some more..

oh well..

God bless!
Ciao!

ps. i really dont want to crash and burn again. i just like the tingling and the floating feeling when u love someone. :)

b!tch brushed-off

2009-11-27T22:23:00.000-08:00

i never thought i could be so wrong about someone.. but then again, hormones make u see things thru rose tinted glasses... so we are all susceptible to being unreliable about people from time to time.. pero geez! please lang, spare me.. u have either reduced me to something so much less than a decent human being or u hate me so much that ur not taking my calls??

no, dear reader, i did not call the guy 58million times. and i have a clear purpose for doing so. its like this:

monday: i got back from cebu n i told him (thru tx) that i got him something that does not have a very long shelf life and that it would expire soon. he said he'll text me kinabukasan.
tuesday: nothing.
wednesday: nagtx siya asking if nagexpire na yung thing. i said ndi pa. he asked me naunsa ko, n i told him i was sick. blah-blah n then i told him id tell him if i felt better i could leave the house na and maybe meet him to hand him the thing.
thursday: i called him, he picked up. he could not get it coz he was in a land far far away. (on this day also, my mom tells me to invite him to a family thng on sunday. kaperfect noh?)
friday: i was better so i ran a few errands and i called him but no answer. and i did not get a follow up txt from him.
saturday: the phone was ringin, then suddenly call failed. wtf?

i dont get it. y does he not take my call? or tx bak? i thought we were "friends" (even if its in the most awkward sense)??? does he think that getting him pasalubong is part of my grand plan to get him back??? geez. *eyes rolling* if that's the case, he needs to get over himself. like, ASAP. puhleeze! (yeah, for a second there, i wanted him back, but now i feel like the rose-tinted glasses dont fit me; my lifestyle, my choices, my personality and the way i'm wired. so now, its ciao foolish boy! if there is one lesson i should learn its that the lovey-dovey-puppy thang isnt for me. naka-move-on na ko, so should u!)

this behavior is seriously disappointing.. like, MAJOR disappointment! i thought he was one of those people who could be mature about the whole thing and transcend, u know?? well, apparently not. n this behavior cannot be rooted on bitter feelings because i dont think he really cared about me that mucho. so i'm just going to take this as a pure and simple brush off. very bad...

well, if that's how he wants to play it, then m thru playing nice.

xoxo

thinking positive :)

2009-11-18T07:23:00.000-08:00

DEFYING GRAVITY

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down
Mmm-mmm

I'm through accepting limits
Cos someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at
Much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know
It sounds truly crazy
And, true, the vision's hazy
But I can see it
I can feel it
I swear I'll be so high
yeah yeah

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
ah yeah

It's time to try defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me
You won't bring me down
aaah
ah-ah-ah-ahhh

**i like the lyrics of this song! :) i heard it from glee, discovered that its from the musical "wicked," found the clip on youtube (but thought it was scary/funny!), and so i am putting the links of glee and orig... FOCUS ON THE LYRICS. :)

awa ang clip sa wicked:

the GLEE version is much better!

me + catalyst = change

2009-11-01T16:51:00.000-08:00

last night, i talked to the classmate. we drove around and hung out kahit super ulan.. i told him much of what i wanted to say. it felt good. :) he told me i made him happy. he told me i matured and that he saw me change. i asked him if he could point out areas which need improvement but he said that there was no more because he can see that i am actually doing good. i told him that he had such a positive effect on me. i am really happy that i can tell him these things and that he can take it. i am glad we are friends (and by friends, i mean it the conventional understanding of the word).

i like what i have become. i will not be the same person after this. i would like to think that i have matured. i feel ready to make positive changes in my life... or life-changing decisions that will, hopefully, make me better. i hope i can sustain this feeling. hehe:)

when i woke up this morning i told my HSBFF that "maybe the quick fix iv been searching for in bars and crazy night outs was not to be found there. u know? The epiphany that i needed and wanted to get? maybe i got it through someone over a long period of time.. and now that i recognize what is in front of me and what i need to do, am SKERD!"

love and peace!
god bless you!

foodtrip: ola espana

2009-10-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

eating always feels good... but only if its good food. pero kung di masarap yung food, nkakasira ng mood. :)

last monday, fugloid and i went to ola espana at damosa... this month they are serving food buffet style. i think its 350 inclusive of bottomless iced tea and we both thought that the price more than worth it for the food, ambiance and service.

they had only a few viands... i can remember the salad bar, paella, lengua, and the lechon! haha! (imagine, may lechon sa buffet! haha! happiness...) everything that they served was good. its the kind of taste ur mom cant make with her "lutong-bahay".. (no offense..) but that is not to say na lasang foodcourt siya. i was not so fond of the soup that night. i think it was crab or shrimp based... and it was thick. and it left a not so pleasant aftertaste.. but the dessert was good.

as for the ambiance, whether u stayed inside or outside, it was really nice and cozy and clean. may wine cellar sila. the comfort rooms are nice and wont make you too shy to go peepee. :)

as for service, the people are nice and attentive. :)

we give ola espana four thumbs up.

wee! cheers dears!

2009-10-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

and again... this is about "the classmate" haha! he was just nice last night.. no, more like back to his old self. he evn asked me what time ako uuwi when he arrived home.. weird huh?

i wanna talk to him. i told him that there's something i wanna talk to him about and his eyes widened. haha! ulol! maybe that's why he made an effort last night.. but whatever. i wont over-analyze nor over-react to this because i have been getting over the whole thing... plus my tarot card reading today says:

"Be the calming force in chaos. Possible to overcome addiction to substance, people or relationships. Obsession passing. Order being restored. Bring calm to mind and behavior patterns. A time of peace is beginning."
and
"Take a step back before plowing ahead as someone is not seeing things the way you do. A possible block on the horizon to your plans. A warning sign. Someone is stifling you."

and the three of swords has always been there to always remind me of the presence of support from family and friends... :)

the sem is over and i am ecstatic! :)

adding insult to injury

2009-10-26T07:03:00.001-07:00

wee! i just got home from another nice dinner with mike... we had milkshakes too! :) yumm! :) i have not studied for an exam on wednesday, but i dont really care about that right now..

you see, i admit to being something just a bit less than a stalker... and everyday, being the stalker that i am, i check this persin's facebook page.. today, i look at persin's page and see that someone posted a usual "kantsaw" (of me&him) on his page... and all he had to say regarding the issue is "halucination... hahaha" kaperfect noh? on top of that, i can sense that he is avoiding me. he would only text me if he needs to ask me something and that already comes with a "tnx" -suggesting that if i gave him an answer, i should not expect him to answer back. he does not look at me anymore too! it is as if i was not there. and if he needed to talk to my mom or dad, he would ask them directly this time.. unlike before that he would ask me about it first..

yes, it sucks that he is now avoiding me like a disease.. but that's already pushing it. he does not need to add insult to injury. he was the one who thought that i/it was "unhealthy" and he was the one who had problems, not me. i was the one who was dumped, not him. he does not get to be mad. baga siya ug nawong! why is he like this? WTF is wrong with him???

i have not been antagonistic towards him. i have not been trying to pursue him. he does not really need to add insult to injury.

14 days to go...

2009-10-10T02:14:00.000-07:00

...and its the end of sem! i wont have to see my dearest classmate for the longest time. :) im looking forward to just focusing on myself and my family, business, travel... i am just eager to get rid of this unhealthy set-up. im soo sick of it.

i proud me coz i have not smoked in 3 weeks! :) yeah... and i have not had coke in such a long time, i lost count. :) im on a path to get rid of those that are unhealthy... (except maybe alcohol... :) i also proud me for no longer getting jealous. haha! but still, im looking forward to taking some time off from the major stressors i have right now, like study, him, etc...

as much as i hate having to take a break from school, i feel like i need this break for myself. i just feel so tired and burned out. i have a lot of issues that i need to work out. i need time to take a break and recuperate.. to fix myself. i cant wait to go back to my old self.. (naremember nako among pagkakiat atong time na this pic was taken hehe:)

so to schooling: you can bet that if i come back, i will be better.
and to my classmate: if you want me back, you know what to do and where to find me. if u dont, please dont worry about me, im fine. :) haha! :)

adios amigos! :)
god bless you!
*mwah*

wats wrong talong?

2009-10-05T07:01:00.000-07:00

kanina, ok kami. :) then nagkantsawan yung classmates ko and they wanted a picture of us.. I did not want it. First, i was supposd 2 b moving on, diba? Second, i really did not know if he was fine with it.. He could be making faces for ol i know. Third, i dunno kung ok sa kanya o napilitan lang din sya. Diba? Mas werD.. :) i let dem take a photo of us. I cooperated a bit.. Then, on d third pic, i got up. Di ko napansin na nagpose pala siya.. It bothers me coz i dont want to come off as rude or that i hate him... Haay.

and yeah, nanluod kay wa nako gireplyan atong sunday! Haha! May ihatid daw sana siya sa bahay.. :P

i cant help but think dat i hav a serious problem.. Kasi parang ok na naman siya.. Parang tuloy ako pa yung hassle or pahalata or di maka.move on.. Pero yeah, ndi naman talaga ako ok. So bahala na.. :P hehe

this is what i need from u, right now.

2009-10-01T20:40:00.000-07:00

please remind me and/or tell me again that this is what is best for you. tell me that this is what you want. that this is what you need... so at least i know that all this crap, this exhaustion, and this misery is not for nothing.

please show me improvements in terms of health or grades. show me that by cutting me off, you were actually catapulted to your goals. show me that ur a lot less stressed. show me that ur happier or more successful without me... so i'll feel dumb for holding on to certain feelings and for being miserable and selfish... at lest i can tell myself that i did not stand in the way... i'd be happy to see u happy.

whew! kelan ko kaya ito pwede hingiin? hehe:)
ako ay maduduwag na naman, i think.
absent na nga ako ng absent kasi pagod na akong makita ka.
hehe:) lame ko noh? duwag ang gaga! :)

last na ka ha? ayp...

2009-09-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

1. shux, kahirap pala. who was i kidding?! i cannot be your friend yet. you cannot be my friend yet. no. its too hard. its unhealthy. its inevitable for either of us to put meaning in what the other does. i'm soooo soooo tired na... of seeing you all the time and feeling things, and going thru the same cycle everyday.. KAPOY to be in constant battle with yourself. enough na. if being with me was unhealthy for you, then being your friend is unhealthy for me. if you didnt wanna lose me, too bad. sorry, you shouldnt have acted like a dumb dog.

2. so im gonna eggzert extra effort to cut you off. hard as that may be, but that is what is good for you and for me. dont hate me for it... after all, u decided to cut me out of ur life first. i did not even have a say in it and you told me soooo late. so there!

3. as much as i want you back, i gotta let me go. i still have momentary lapses, and get drowned in emo crap, but i'll manage.. il try. if i dont, please help me out and tell me that this is what you need; that this is what you want and this is whats best for you. (too bad, being away from you completely, and not being your friend, seems to be the best for me at the moment.)

4. i feel like my old self again. the bitch is back for the nth time. kaya ko na mangaway ng tao ulit! :) kaso kahapon, in the midst of my galit/gigil mode, naisip ko na if you knew about the fight i was picking, youd make me see how petty it was and how foolish it was of me.. naalala ko tuloy na isa yan sa effects mo saken.. oops, going emo again. sorry... just another lapse... point is, im hating again! :) i can, once again, hate people for being stupid bitches. the bitch is back. **switch to maldita mode** so to the people i already hate, i say : watch your back bitches!!!

lover gets what lover wants. xoxo

2009-09-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

we had dinner last night..

it was one of the hardest to swallow... literally nd figuratively!! ibang level!

it was nice, i guess.
it was not dramatic or anything like that.
masakit konti. hehe:)

but i'm "happier" now, so that should mean something...
siguro madami pa akong gusto sabihin, pero pwede nang di niya malaman..

i just hope he does not think i gave up on him.. because by letting him go and releasing him from all that is "unhealthy" for him, i am fighting for him. i dont want him to go away. i want him to be my friend, (if he cant be *ahem*...) i cant force him to be with me, if he does not want to, diba? this is best for him. so, lover gets what lover wants. friends mi!

at least i got a hug at the end of the night.

peace and love to all!
ciao!
god bless!

in re: letting go

2009-09-12T23:01:00.000-07:00

okay, so as of now, i am bent on letting you go without need of explanation or goodbyes. parang i dont feel the need to tell you goodbye. i dont feel the need to tell you how much you mean/meant to me. i no longer feel the need to hear what you have to say. i no longer feel the urge to fix things or try to make sense of things. (ayaw mo naman din, diba?) we can live without knowing or saying all those things.

right now, i am thinking that the next time i see you, walang hard feelings. i wont be bitter, angsty, sad, or whatever. i will simply be your classmate. just another flower in the bunch... i wont text you, unless its important. (but i cannot delete your msgs from my phone yet.. although its got 2000+ msgs in the inbox already.) i refuse to be affected by your mere presence. (but of course, i wont pretend ur non-existent, coz that's stupid, silly and just... uhm.. dumb.) i'll talk to you like i talk to all the other classmates. i'll pretend "the summer" never happened, to avoid awkward moments. but i cant be so nice to you anymore... or at least i'll try. (mabait din naman talga ako eh. haha!)

kaya ni bai! :)

ive been holding on to something that you've been letting go of for some time now and its taking its toll on me. i am coming to terms with the fact that you did not value me as much as i did/do you... i think it all boils down to that. i dont need to say more. i wont.

im going to move on. im letting you go. i will not need to hear it from you anymore.

love and peace!
ciao!

*************************************
i was right. yung first of september kiss,
na wala tayong sinabi sa isa't isa before and after-
i just knew that that was
the last time i get to kiss you.
i felt the fear right then and there.
i felt like i was going to cry, halfway.
but i dont think u noticed.
it was one of the best, by the way. :)

i feel so tired making sense of things.

2009-09-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

i was at mcdo last thursday night. i was eating alone and concentrating on my food coz i did not have the appetite to consume anything, but i had to eat. then, something bright orange caught my eye so i looked up and realized that this girl who just passed by was wearing bright/neon orange skinny jeans... perfect! she seemed perfectly happy in her orange pants.. smiling and talking to her guy friend. and then i thought:

1. dili ko karelate sa iyang happines.
2. dili ko karelate sa iyang pants! haha!

so nainterupt ang akong paglangoy-langoy sa akong self-absorbed muni-muni...

i looked around the place. and i realied na dili ko karelate sa mga tao. i felt like i was a foreigner, or an alien. i could not identify myself with the rest of them.. tao man unta sila...

whew!

2009-09-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

1. Ganahan ko kay im with my TM batchmates at bigbys. I like spending time with them. they will always be special to me.

2. Hadlok diay maglet go. Pero di ko pwede ipagpilitan sarili ko sa ayaw diba? Tsaka ayoko maging pabigat sau. Tsaka parang nag let go ka na rin naman eh.. So sige. Ill let u go nalang.. Kaya ko toh!!! haha

kapuuuy! :)

2009-08-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

maybe this loving thing is not for me... i think i was better off just being igat... i think i should just go back to my old malandi self. its funner that way. hehe:) do i sound bitter? sheesh! i hope not. i'm just tired. this is the first morning that my eyes have not produced water. my ghed! mukha na akong tarsier! may eyebags na akong mas malaki pa sa eyebags ni shawie! haha! at di ko na pinipili kung saan ako nagpoproduce water! sa church, sa taxi (parang music video), at di ko na alam... im tired. he knows how much it affects me, or how important "knowing" is to me... i kinda begged for it na nga eh kay i'm tired. pero wala. nagfacebook pa siya! hahaha! isa ra man kaminuto magtxt uie.. haay. bahala na. kapoy na isisp. kapoy na hilak. kapoy na magkaroon ug ingon-aning relationships with other people. di na muna. daghan pa ko dapat problemahon.

wheatus - little respect

2009-08-30T00:43:00.001-07:00

I tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter
Oh baby refrain from breaking my heart
Im so in love with you
Ill be forever blue
That you give me no reason you know youre making me work so hard
That you give me no soul
I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me

And if I should falter would you open your arms out to me
We can make love not war and live in peace with our hearts
Im so in love with you Ill be forever blue
What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover
Dont you tell me no soul
I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me

Im so in love with you
Ill be forever blue
That you give me no reason
You know youre making me work so hard
That you give me no soul
I hear you calling
Oh baby please give a little respect to me
Oh baby please give a little respect to me

i tried to discover--

2009-08-29T23:39:00.000-07:00

**WARNING: EMO POST!!!**

"and if i should falter, would you open your arms out to me?"

i love this line from little respect by wheatus.. i cant help but relate to it..
the song starts with "i tried to discover a little something to make me sweeter"
when started hanging out last summer, i was just looking for a cure to summer boredom... somthing hot but cool, and spicy and sweet all at the same time. when i started to feel something funny i let myself indulge and i decided to let myself like you... like you very much, actually.. with that, i was hoping to discover something to make me better, to have a new insightful experience, to make life sweeter... by and by i became acquainted feeling like compassion, care, kindness, selflessness, among other things... in a manner that i would not have known had i not allowed myself to get close to another human being. they would have been mere concepts to me, were it not for you. i also discovered many things about myself like my capacity, my patience, my tolerance, my imaturity because of you.

i found myself giving much of myself to you and to what we had.. i thought i was super lazy, but then when it came to the concept of u and i, i sometimes found myself tired but not willing to stop. i found myself willing to make some sacrifices or do things which i thought i was incapable of sacrificing or doing. but then, all that would still not have been sufficient to keep you. i found myself immature and that i have much to learn. i have much growing up to do. my inability to respond to you properly, or my ignorance would always burden you or cause some amount of misunderstanding... and everytime i faltered, you opened your arms out to me.

but you do not really need me in ur life right now.. but even though that was the case, you stuck around with me.. but i kept falling short of your expectations.. and you could not really afford to carry around the baggage from those misundertandings anymore.. and without me, there would be a lot less to worry about or to be stressed out about.. and there is nothing i can do if you no longer want to be with me.

you gave up on me.. and honestly, that hurts. i do not emotionally invest in people jut like that. and you just go away without saying goodbye? was i that bad that i do not even deserve a little respect? even a gesture of common courtesy like saying goodbye? do i not deserve that, at least? (i can not yet talk about it, unless i want the floodgates to open. :)

too bad, what we had was not reduced into wrting or to anything official. we created a world and in it was just u and i. nobody knew what it was... what we had. we had a secret and it was ours, just between u and i.

too bad we were not invincible.. for a second there, i thought we were..

anyway, i am sorry. i am sorry for all the trouble i caused.. for the inconvenience, the hassle, the demands, the stress.. for taking up your time, energy, money and whatever... i am sorry if i failed you. i am sorry for so many things but personally, i am not sorry for letting myself emotionally invest in you. i am just sorry to drag you into the mess that is me.

i wish for all the best things and adventures that the world has to offer and i wish you get the best and the most out of life. i hope you reach your dreams. i wish you success, in every sense of the word. always know that i shall always deeply care about you.

****************************
peace and love to all.

and please do not share this link, nor let anyone else who does not know about this blog know about the contents of this post. i just had to write down what kept flowing out.. and i had to sort out a few things. i apologize for all the mush, if nagtiis kang basahin till the end.

blah.

2009-08-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

i never thought i would be felling what i did just a little over a month ago... last month, although the offense was somewhat grave, i had confidence that i could still have you back. this time, although the offense is less grave, i am not quite confident that i can still win you over.

patience is a BEERtue.

2009-08-23T09:36:00.000-07:00

geez. over the past few days i realized:

1. mugawas akong pagka batang-gamay or akong pagka *ehem* brat when i want something and i cant get it. once i acknowledge the want, i need to have what i want. pronto! otherwise, maglangi, magyawyaw, magdrama.. echos.

2. i am becoming demanding. and i need to remember that i dont have the right to demand or expect anything. dili ko in a relationship.

3. what i ask, God provides. but in his time.. i need to be patient. i need to trust that it will happen, sooner or later, one way or another.

4. i need to learn how to chill... be more stoic and a lot less consumed or fixated on something. i need to remind myself that the conclusion i formulated when i was most passionate about the issue is not always accurate.

5. a man can make me happy, but my happiness does not depend on him entirely..

wee! nastress out ko for the past few days. nabuang kog kalit. i feel like im back to my old self again. happier and with a refreshed outlook. hehe:)

peace and love!
ciao!

*************************

i just got home from his pamangkin's bday party. i got to chat with his mom, ate and their super close family friend. hotseat. and i got the sense na parang i was'nt quite "the classmate lang" this time.. hmm.. m not gonna overthink this. haha!

mad bitch disease

2009-08-20T22:53:00.000-07:00

so i asked you how u were. n u said u were fine. but then u asked if i was mad at you. i said no. i was not mad. if i was not myself it was because i was feeling a mixture of these feelings: frustrated, doubtful, sad, kinda lonely and missing u very badly. i assured u i was not mad, and added that "if there is anything wrong with me, it would be rooted on the fact that i miss you very badly. pero ok lang, ganun naman talaga. hehe"

because i do! damnit! i have been tryin sooo hard not t feel it or to acknowledge it, but now i give up... i'm telling you, i miss you. i was trying to train myself na hindi ka na itxt as much or bawasan yung paglambing or pag express ko ng care. i have been trying to prepare myself for something like "the end" kasi u have been out of it or off lately. basically, i excerted less effort and now you think i am mad at you. im not. im mainly frustrated kasi i miss you and you are not doing anything about it. gusto ko sana mageffort ka konti. i want you to want to be with me. i know i cannot ask you for it. i cannot bring myself to ask you. i just really want you to want it for yourself. but maybe you dont... you no longer do.

you did not even reply to my lengthy txt which had a couple of pakyoot jokes in it. you could not even bring yourself to say you miss me.

then why the F@#$ do you care if im mad at you?! amiw. *now im mad*

peace and love!
ciao!

pero bitaw--

2009-08-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

--are you trying to get rid of me na?

nagalit ka over such a small thing... inconvenience naman kasi talga ako sayo. i take up ur time, energy, etc... and it wont be such a total loss for you if i go away. wala namang mawawala sayo diba? u dont really get anything from me.. na kainconvenient, sagabal, needy, clingy?, makulit, OA, pahamak, and generally just a waste of fat and skin.. in fact, if you cut me out o ur life, baka mas smooth, predictable and a lot less kapoy pa takbo ng life mo..

so if ur doing that, tell me outright. dont make me guess. dont pick petty fights. just say it.. that way, emotions wont be unecessarily stirred. ayt?

peace and love! ciao!
god bless!

round 2

2009-08-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

waaah!!! naa jud nakasab-an gabie!

kay ngano? giingnan na "jan ka lang, daan kita."
wa man nipatuo. ingon pa "sabay nalang tayo."
"ndi, jan ka nalang kasi ulan. maputik dun sa side mo."
"cge lang. lingaw man pud.."
dah! bundakan lagi purtahan inig abot sa sakyanan. gahi man ulo. di maminaw. wa pajud gitingugan hantud nahatod uie. dah! awa lageh...

ug sa dihang, mao ra to ang dahilan ngano nasuko si angkol. ingon pud si manang, di man gud daw siya anad ana. wa siya kasabot na sugo diay to diay. wa siya kasabot na gentleman si angkol.. wa man gud daw warning bah! sa dihang, wa naanad anang jintilman iyang sabay kay pirmi lagi daw siya wan-op-daboys.. mao na ron. nkasab-an lagi..

perti pa daw pangutana ni manang nganong suko kaayo si angkol.. nahuna-huna niya na basi nangita ra ug bikil si angkol para maundang na ni ilang kabuang.. maayo nalang nakainom si manang gabie, nakatulog na sia ug wa na siya nagOA-OA pa.. ganina, inig mata, huna-huna nasad siya.. ug sa dihang nahuna-hunaan niya na basi nasuko si angkol kay nabasa siya ug mas dugay kay nangabri pa purtahan, etc... noh? ug dili bah, kay naglagot siya kay wa siya natuman kay gahig ulo si manang, di kasabot.. haha!

dah lagi! sab-an uie... guol man diay... hehe:)

pero okina kay sorry2x man tapos aymishoohay dayon sila. ukina. hehe:)

pagbinut.an na jud day! hehe

paninindigan???

2009-07-30T18:09:00.000-07:00

unsa na???
mapalit na???
tagpila???

kay wala jud ko ana bah! sure lang! inatay kaayo... yesterday, oa napud akong pagka-emotera... letting go chuva ek... so nagdecide na daw ko noh??? and then, a couple hours later, ingnan nako siya na namis nako siya... tapos ana ko ala na ko xpect ug reply... pagkabuntag, nagtxt siya, saying that the feeling is mututal. ug sa dihang, wla, care care care napud ko. balik napud ko sa akong pagka adoring fan niya... ambot.

decisions must be made. i just dont have what it takes to make them.

love and peace!
ciao!

kiss me through the phone by souljaboy

2009-07-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

Baby u kno that I miss u
I wanna get wit chu
Tonight but I can't now
Baby girl and that's the issue
Girl u kno I miss u
I just wanna kiss u
But I can't rite now so baby
Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u lata on)

Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u when I get home)

Baby I kno that u like me
U my future wifey
Souljaboytellem
Yeah u can be my boonie
I can be ya clyde
U can be my wife
Text me, call me
I need u in my life
Yea all day
Everyday I need ya
And eveytime I see ya
My feelings gets deeper
I miss ya, I miss ya
I really wanna kiss ya
But I can't
678 triple 9 8212

Baby u kno that I miss u
I wanna get wit chu
Tonight but I can't now
Baby girl and that's the issue
Girl u kno I miss u
I just wanna kiss u
But I can't rite now so baby
Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u lata on)

Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u when I get home)

Baby I've been thinkin
Lately so much about u
Everything about u
I like it, I love it
Kissing u in public
Thinking nothing of it
Roses by the dozen
Talkin on da phone
Baby u so sexy
Ya voice is so lovely
I love ya complexion
I miss ya, I miss ya
I really wanna kiss ya
But I can't
678 triple 9 8212
Baby u kno that I miss u
I wanna get wit chu
Tonight but I can't
Now baby girl and that's the issue
Girl u kno I miss u
I just wanna kiss u
But I can't rite now so baby
Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u lata on)

Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u when I get home)

She call my phone like da (20x)
We on da phone like da (20x)
We takin pics like da (20x)
She dial my numba like da (10x)
678 triple 9 8212

Baby u kno that I miss u
I wanna get wit chu
Tonight but I can't
Baby girl and that's the issue
Girl u kno I miss u
I just wanna kiss u
But I can't rite now so baby
Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u lata on)

Kiss me through the phone

Kiss me through the phone
(I see u when I get home)

miss you love by silverchair

2009-07-29T11:02:00.001-07:00

Millionaire say
Got a big shot deal
And thrown it all away but
But Im not too sure
How Im supposed to feel
Or what Im supposed to say

But Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle every day
And I miss you love

Make room for the prey
cause Im coming in
With what I wanna say but
Its gonna hurt
And I love the pain
A breeding ground for hate but...

Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
Im supposed to love you back

Its just a fad
Part of the teenage angst brigade and
Im not, not sure,
Not too sure how it feels
To handle everyday
Like the one that just past
In the crowds of all the people

Remember today
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

Remember two days
Ive no respect for you
And I miss you love
And I miss use love

I love the way you love
But I hate the way
Im supposed to love you back

linger by the cranberries

2009-07-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

If you, if you could return, don't let it burn, don't let it fade.

I'm sure I'm not being rude, but it's just your attitude,
It's tearing me apart, It's ruining everything.

I swore, I swore I would be true, and honey, so did you.
So why were you holding her hand? Is that the way we stand?
Were you lying all the time? Was it just a game to you?

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

Oh, I thought the world of you.
I thought nothing could go wrong,
But I was wrong. I was wrong.
If you, if you could get by, trying not to lie,
Things wouldn't be so confused and I wouldn't feel so used,
But you always really knew, I just wanna be with you.

But I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

And I'm in so deep. You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah, ha, ha.
Do you have to let it linger? Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

to beer or not to beer?

2009-07-29T10:36:00.000-07:00

today, i thought you were actually nice. nice, not just in words, but in deed. you gave me ur lighter, but i declined. i would have loved to keep it pra katulad ng dati... our so-called friendship started with me having possesion of ur lighter. hehe:) u held my hand that night... but that has not happend for some time now...

u know what? im confused. i dunno if we are ok. i dunno if there is still the concept of u&i. ur nice and all, but i dont get the same kind of warmth anymore. you still seem to care, yet sometimes you dont. i dunno if youre bitter angst keeps you from going back to ur old self and that ur really letting me go... that's why i ask: how do you hold on to someone who is in fact letting you go?

my nega thoughts caught up with me kanina... i wrote down some of my thoughts. most of the page was spent on saying sorry. i just felt sorry... for you, for me, for the concept of u&i. the flow of the words did not really stop until i wrote down the words: i'm letting you go.

then i turned my phone off kasi di ka pa nagrereply. i read some. i felt better... happier... or light, i guess. then i could not focus on what i was reading. i turned on the phone. and voila! may reply ka nga... ngtx tayo konti, then i had the sudden urge to say: namiss na baya taka *** uie...

and there goes my firm resolve to let you go. whatta looozer. but the thing is, di na ikinasama ng loob ko ang di mo pagreply... ok nang nasabi ko sayo. bahala ka na anong reaction mo dun. feeling ko at this point, i dont care what happens anymore. i feel so tired... so exhausted. i just want you to decide... if i should stay or i should go.

i just want it in black and white. sure, there could be broken hearts but then we adhere to dura lex sed lex... and there will always be songs for the beautifully wrecKEd souls to help us get through each day, right? you could sing "miss you love" by silver chair... i could sing "linger" by the cranberries... or together, we could sing "kiss me throught the phone" by souljaboy.

ciao!
peace and love!
god bless!

**********************************
ps, i'll always care deeply for you.
you'll always be a good friend of mine.

im sorry.

2009-07-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

dont you just hate saying that? dont you hate hearing that?

does it not sound soooo insincere? either because u've heard it so many times or u've said it so many times...

kainis. i did not think i'd feel this much pain over the idea that you might be ending what we had over something so petty.. but then, i dont blame you if forgiveness does not come easily to you... even if i explained that it meant nothing to me, and you already judged me out of anger... wala na akong magagwa if u've already made up your mind... how can you make someone listen if they dont even want to hear you?

i just really hate the part na i dont know what to do... na di ko man lang nasabi sayo how deeply i care for you... na i dont want you to go... na ur not really showing signs that you want me/us to fix this... na parang andali lang para sayo na sumuko...

i've already decided to act normal... like i always did. and to go all in. i'm gonna gamble... lay all my cards on the table and tell you how much you mean to me... how deeply i care for you... how i could not do that which you accuse me of because i already have very strong feelings for you; feelings that wish to be carried through out the year until the next summer and the rest of the summers of my life. *char*

if that does not work, maybe all i can hope for is your genuine friendship.

ciao!
god bless you.
************************************

God, tabangi ko... *fingers crossed*

************************************

One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray
Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home

What would you do if I could have you?
Oh if I could
I'd let you feel everything I'm thinking
Wouldn't that be nice?

One of these days
I won't be afraid of staying with you

--- from one of these days by michelle branch

how can i keep you longer??

2009-07-12T01:24:00.000-07:00

how can you?

if the person does not tell you what's wrong...
if the person does not give you the chance to fix things...
if the person merely tries to get back at you for all the bad things you supposedly did...
if the person tells you he wants you, but his actions say he does not want to be bound to you anymore...

does he even need know you want to keep him? does he need to understand? YES.

he needs to know how...

you've never felt this way about anyone before...
you've never known this brand of kindness, care, respect from other men...
you've never experienced this kind of pain over losing someone before....

why?

because it might change his mind...
because it might put back things the way they were before...

you need to keep him for the longest possible time, because you don't imagine yourself finding another person like him...

tapos magiging theme song na ng buhay mo yung "thinking of you" ni katy perry. haha!

i just dont know how to keep you.

2009-07-12T00:27:00.000-07:00

when it started, it was not such a big deal... alam mo yun? diba? parang wala lang. kachorbahan lang... parang katambay na pwede landiin. haha! whatever... and at that time, i thought everything was fine kasi naisip ko if it fizzles, nobody gets hurt.

i, or perhaps we (because you agreed with me), that we were both not into serious stuff... just non-serious fraca... and i remember we later on added the idea na parang "but you cant reall tell what happens next... if it becomes somethng serious or not..." then i started to admit to myself the fact that i would surely miss you if ever...

so i guess, i want to know... where are we? are we there yet? or have you drpped me off somewhere because i am such an inconvenient drag? or maybe you simply changed ur mind? are you still with me? i'd highly appreciate warning signs, actually.

go shawty, its yo bday...

2009-07-05T21:06:00.000-07:00

yeah! happy bday to me!!! hehe:)
i planned a party series thing for my bday... but i did not go out last friday. and on saturday, i was bummed kay akong gusto makita sa akong bday wala or dili kaadto!!! but i am glad these people were with me last sat...
and these people (family and good friends) were with me para salubungin ang actual birth date ko yesterday (sunday)...
their presence made my bday waaaaa funner... and much more meaningful...

but then again with the presence of loved ones in our daily life, we should celebrate life daily... we should thank God for every breath, every moment and for everything that goes along with that moment... for our lives are made up of a series of moments strewn together.

u know what?

2009-06-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

i crush you.

no, dont get me wrong... this is not an understatement of what i feel for you. i am merely acknowledging it... perhaps, i just feel the need to say it outright because i do... and i cant directly tell you.

sa transformers kanina diba di nila masabi sa isa't isa yung "i love u" (cheesy!) because that FOXy lady said that once girls say it, the boys just run away the moment they hear it. to think that they were quite about how the other felt...

and the thing is, i dont want you to run away.

**haay, giatay... hehe:)

peace and love to all!
ciao!

back like balakubak!

2009-06-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

haha! i've been quiet for the past weeks noh? i couldnt write the stuff i wantd to because i wanted to keep them all to myself. plus i have found some peace of mind recently (but now, i'm confused again!). and galing ako byahe eh... grabeh! i couldnt smoke coz a pack of marls cost around 35hkd. i couldnt drink. i did not have my friends with me. my crush was away. and the mental torture of not knowing what to do: to enrol or not... it was one of the most stressful vacations ever! haha! thank God for retail therapy...

anyway, my dad decided to let me go to back to lawschool... it feels funny now. hehe:) ewan, weird. you know some stuff yet, u still feel ignorant... :) and the classmates are... well, parang detached ang tingin mo sa kanila... like ur not part of the class... kawawa din minsan. hehe:) kay mangurog sa recit! haha! karelate kaayo ko kay kurog pud ko eh! haha!

i wish the summer did not end. i had fun last summer. "indulge" would be a good word for the summer of 09. i had so much booze. so much fun. so much of friends. so much of him... but too much of a good thing cannot be good for you, right? plus, the song that tells us : "all good things come to an end."

now, i have so much to do... haha! so many readings... so many worries. and less of him. the problem is that he does not really tell me if he still wants me to hang around... madali lang naman akong kausap eh...

but that's the thing with non serious fraca or things that dont have labels... you dont have vested rights! haha! naisip ko to a couple of days ago, and i wanted to put it on FB:
"that's what "IT" is... a thing... just a thing... so dont beat urself up for losing it... for losing something thas supposedly so generic, so unspecial, that id doesn't even have a name."

its too bad you faid for "it" with ur heart. char! hahaha! wala na mo kasabot sa ako noh? ako pud! haha! later mga bits!

peace and love!
ciao!

narci mode---

2009-06-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

--- from urbandictionary.com

you just type the word/name or whatever that comes to mind in the search space thing...
basta du eet!

TANYA---

The most amazing person in the universe.
a quiet pretty girl with and IQ of a 170 who seems shy and gulliable but if messed with can totally kick your ass so bad you're gonna wish you never had one.
a one of a kind girl. always found having a great time. she is her own person. very passionate. great kisser. better friend. just an all around awesome human being.
A girl with an incredibly voracious appetite, yet she somehow maintains a nice figure
Someone with very sexy hair and cute cheeks.who can make friends easily
shes a freak, a total tomboy with a kickass personality. brown hair brown eyes with a deep mysterious soul. can out do all the boys and has tons of friends. she doesnt say much but what is said can knock you off your feet. great sense of hunor and usually cant be takin seriously. she is a lost traveler with great ambitions to succeed in what ever she does. she makes a great friend but it is very hard getting close to her.

haha!! nalingaw ko! binuang kaayo. itry gud... hehe:) ambot unsay nakaon sa naghimo aning defn ug website uie! kabuang ra...

love and peace!
ciao!

anong latest?

2009-06-07T01:16:00.000-07:00

my dad wont let me enroll into law school as a freshman again. he says that if my appeal is denied and i have to waive the year, then he will no longer support it. so my alternative is to work and earn my own money... and if and when i have money, i'll go back to school again.

this news is pretty heart-breaking for me... coz i have already decided that i want this. that i cannot give this up. that i at least have to know if i can actually pass the bar or not. and all that i did not want to deal with (like backstabbers, loneliness, academic pressure) bother me a lot less now, because i have learned to deal with them. i can just feel that i can do better this time because i know what to do or how to work my way around things.

so if i work, my question would be: where? dvo or mla? i dont think i want to leave davao for a long period of time... ayoko na ulit mafeel yung napag-iwanan ka ng all that you valued... and you start all over again- make new friends, reconnect with old friends, have new hangouts, establish new teritories, and at the same time, deal with separation anxiety with the place you left behind... i dont like that... but then, the mere shift from school to work already promises separation anxiety and all that i've mentioned above...

haay... this is heavy. i'll have to pray really really hard that my appeal will be granted so i dont have to leave somthing that i have come to love...

peace and love to all!
ciao!
god bless!

****************

PS. this would have been far more depressing... but thanks to certain welcomed distractions, ayos lang ako. hehe:)

kagubot sa world

2009-06-03T23:48:00.000-07:00

1. i lost my frigin camera. and malapit na ang biyahe ko to mla n hkg. my mum is gonna skin me alive. fer sure.

2. i have not enrolled yet. kapoy. and i am not entirely sure that this is what i want to do. i dont want to deal with failure again. the chances of me failing is high. on the other hand, i wanna make money. the chances of having the business in full swing in a couple of months also fills me with anxiety. parang ganito din si mike at the moment. we are both wishing that there was a "guide to life" or something like a manual on what to do when it comes to life alterring decisions.

3. and i hate that my friend seems to have changed. i feel like he has gotten a bit cold. or maybe nagchange-gears lang siya. i dunno. but i hate that my mind is so not quiet when he is not around. pero all is well when he is next to me. and i admit that i am not ready to lose him, or his hugs, or kisses and all that jazz...

miss? hehe.

2009-05-24T05:09:00.000-07:00

sa sasakyan na parked sa dilim:

A: namiss mo ako?
B just stares at A. A repeats the question. no reply. A asks again. still no reply. so she asks over and over with a biger smile on her face...
B: ano ba yan? bakit ang hirap ng tanong mo?
A: madali lang yan... yes or no lang. ndi multiple choice. namiss mo ako?
still no reply. so A keeps asking and smiling and giggling.
B: bakit pala kung oo? at bakit pala kung hindi?
A: kong oo, wala lang. kung hindi, ay, wala lang. namiss mo ako?
silence.
A: bakit di mo masagot? hindi mo ako namiss?
B: oo.
A: ay... hindi mo ako namiss?
B: oo. namiss kita.
A: hehe.

*********************
sa text:

B: sumthin like: > m here with X.
A: hi moko kay X.
B: Yup.. Hi din daw, mis nya na dw c Y..
A: sumthin like: > sabihin mo makakarating. pero bat di nya nalang sabihin ng diretso kay Y?
B: ewan, hiya cguro sya.. hehe.

*********************

sa song ng incubus na i miss you:

To see you when I wake up
is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do
is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said,
I miss you.
I see your picture, I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again
whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care
and I miss you.

********************

what is it about missing people? i hate it when i miss someone. it kinda hurts. at parang di ka makahinga... haha! the physical manifestaion of missing someone is not a good feeling. diba? i dont like missing people. because you only miss people you care about. and usually, we try to spend as much as we can with the people we care about. its when we are away from them, or when there is distance between us, that we begin to miss them. oh how much we long for their company! that is why i dont want to miss people-- 1. i dont like the physical effect of missing people and 2. it means there is distance between me and who/what i care about.

********************

do i miss my amicus curiae? i just know i look forward to seeing him.

peace and love to all!
ciao!

which ones apply 2 u?

2009-05-20T21:40:00.000-07:00

i came across this while surfing... hilarious. had to post it. made me think of being a high school girl... haha!

*Kiss on the stomach-----"lets have sex"
*Kiss on the Forehead ----"Forever you will be mine"
*Kiss on the Ear ---"I'm horny"
*Kiss on the Cheek ---"We're friends"
*Kiss on the Hand ---"I adore you"
*Kiss on the Neck ---"We belong together"
*Kiss on the Shoulder ---"I want you"
*Kiss on the Lips ---"I love you" OR "I want you"
*Holding Hands ---"We can learn to love each other"
*Slap on the Butt ---"That's mine"
*Playing with the Ear ---"I can't live without you"
*Holding on tight ---"Don't let go"
*Looking into each other's Eyes ---"Don't leave me"
*Playing with Hair on Head ---"Tell me you love me"
*Arms around the Waist ---"I love you too much to let g! o"
*Laughing while Kissing ---"I am completely Comfortable with you"

peace and love to all!
ciao!

to think like a man...

2009-05-17T23:23:00.000-07:00

i've always played the game like a man. i walk and talk like the boys do. but, when it comes to relationships, i realized that i am such a girl! leche... i fall like silly school girls going gaga over the boys they fancy... i find it hard to play it cool sometimes... demmet. haha!

i cannot just relax sometimes... i have to think. overthink. sheesh! kapoy. but then i can not really say i dont like having a crush. its an exit for me. i miss the kilig. i wanna smile for no reason... pero kanina, nahiya ako sa mall... kasi ndi ko napansin nakangiti pala ako ng toothy grin... tapos yung mga sales lady nakatingin na sila... haha! pastilan kaloozer. haha!

nyway, m better now. :) i hope. magpagahi napud ko ug kasing-kasing ani... para dili kaayo *ehem* chix... hahaha!

peace and love to all!
god be with you!
ciao!

what happens when ur powers combine?

2009-05-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

i know someone who feels strongly against the earth hour MTS has been having... so this one is for you, my amicus curiae. suck on this MTS! hahaha!

love and peace!
ciao!

mediocre love??

2009-05-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

sms quotes tell us that if its not mad, passionate love, you should not be in it. because there are too many mediocre things in life, and love should not be one of them.

but come to think of it, love is a league of its own. its a feeling far more intense than liking... liking has many levels... but when you reach the point when you know deep inside that it is love, it becomes a whole new playing field... (but games in that field i know nothing about... i have to browse through a decade's worth of cosmo for some how-to's...)

anyway, i think, ideally, if you are certain that it is love, then you need not worry that it does not drive you mad or incredibly passionate... not having the butterflies or not having the urge to tell the world you love someone through crazy and selfless acts cannot always be equated to having mediocre love. maybe a more subtle approach to the relationship is what you need for you not to burn out so soon. to approace something with too much intensity often results in a catastrophy...

what is mediocre love? i dont know. probably its something that makes you think its love but actually. its not. maybe the mediocre love referred to in text messages is actually a tempered approach to the relationship, contrary to the extremely romantic intoxicating suffocating sappy i-burn-for-you approach. (tapos tanga lang yung gumawa ng txt or ndi ganun kaarticulate kaya naging "mediocre love" hehe)

personally, i dont think there is such a thing. and how can you refuse love? if to love and be loved is the whole point of our existence, how dare you measure it? how dare you refuse it? how dare you try to classify it into the desirable kind and the undesirable kind? love in any form or intensity must not be rejected. if it is the whole point of our existence... if it is true that when we die, the people in our lives shall remember us for how we loved...

peace and love to all!
maligayang araw sa mga mudra!!
blessed sunday to u!
ciao!

10 days of may

2009-05-09T05:06:00.000-07:00

highlights since the start of may:

apr 30: peepee purry's pre bday celeb at pearl farm marina. moroccan/harem night.

may 1 : labor day! i dunno what happened nung labor day... hahaha!!! after thinking hard and debating with my cousin, we have established that i was at pista lokal this night kasi sasalubungin namin ang bday ni perry. :)

may 2: my cousins spent the night at our house... i should call them hommies now... haha! daryl dropped by for a while... then i slept. much needed sleep. :D

may 3: family day!!! :) church!!! yeay!

may 4: i watched wolverine! woohoo! lingaw ang visuals! and drank at maa all night. got home at around 3 or 4 am.

may 5: met mona. had pasta with my mum and my cousins that afternoon. billiards konti. drank with couzins and a couple of friends till the early morn sa bahay...

may 6: haha! i think i slept last wenesday...

may 7: i met my cousin golda and aaron! tambay sa karl's. after dinner we hit mts. daryl joined us. torres. bulca chong. chorbah joined us. then home.

may 8: tau mu thing!!! then billiards. then testimonial dinner @ bistro roasario. then bonding with my cousins at fagioli. damosa. and dinner at 2am sa pista lokal. :) perfect.

may 9: i stayed home. yeah... :)

FB status---

2009-04-29T08:50:00.000-07:00

---does not know what or how to feel...

then a friend asks what my status is all about... i told him i'll explain it next time...

kay kapoy. funny thing is, there are a lot of things that i should be thinking about. like my dad's trust issues. chorbah. school. job. friends. social life. money. health. and the social elevance of my existence. but since i do not think about these things, i cannot formulate an opinion, strong enought to invoke certain emotions... or lets call it "passion."

basically what i'm trying to say is: with all the concerns i have at the moment, i am happy that i have not thought about killing myself. as what i would have done before. and with all the concerns that i have, i am not deeply troubled. that taking these things lightly and not over-thinking is good. as it keeps my head is above the water... maybe this new found optimism i partly owe to this friend who distracts me and helps me look at the positive side of things. :)

whatever.

love and peace to all!
GOD be with you!
ciao!

love letter to japan---

2009-04-24T21:24:00.000-07:00

-- by the bird and the bee

is a new discovery for me... i woke up this morning and thought of "him" and when my bedroom was to hot due to the flooding sunshine, i went to the kitchen to have some coffee and watch tv. then a strange song was played and i liked it much... mainly because the lyrics reflected my thoughts...

nyway, i wanna share it with you... so here is the link to the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6rxbgAm-Do

i hope u like it. hehe:)

peace and love to all!
ciao!

ally vosia hums ---

"-from the west to the east, i have flown to be near you, I have come all this way to be close, to be here with you. And now, all my heart I will lay down precisely at your feet. My beloved, oh my sweet, all the gifts you have given me, the patience and the peace, cherry blossoms and the candy, i am yours for as long as you will have me..."

current state of mind---

2009-04-19T20:21:00.000-07:00

---food, drinks, good company, fun times

i've been wanting to post something here for the past few days... but much has happend and i'm left with nothing to say... no, not really big things, but more like confusing... :) nyway, m not really out to hunt down answers... i'm trying to teach myself not to overthink... i've decided to just play along and stay for the ride... enjoy things while they still are... dami kong gusto ilagay dito, pero di pwede! hahaha!~

peace and love to all!
ciao!

kaCHORBAhan kong song for the moment... hehe:)

2009-04-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

If I fell in love with you
Would you promise to be true
And help me understand
'cause I've been in love before
And I found that love was more
Than just holding hands

If I give my heart to you
I must be sure
From the very start
That you would love me more than her

If I trust in you oh please
Don't run and hide
If I love you too oh please
Don't hurt my pride like her
'cause I couldn't stand the pain
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain

So I hope you see that I
Would love to love you
And that she will cry
When she learns we are two

If I fell in love with you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4Dsq9NtiIo

lookie!!! lookie!! lookie!

2009-04-15T05:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBxAdoTOnuM

its like my fave... for now.

on being tita ninang

2009-04-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

these are my inaanaks:

1. si palay na anak ni tito choy...

2. si maria carylla chaitanya na anak ng cholo ko. hehe:)

3. si maria isabelle na anak ni janessa

4. yung anak ni bimbo! na isang beses ko pa lang nakita...

5. yung anak ng pinakamamahal kong kagaw ang magiging kauna-unahang lalaking tatawag sakin na tita ninang... bibinyagan ng drew rylie ngayong 19! woohoo!

6. yung anak ni kathryn na si raine na inaway ako dahil di ko daw siya binigyan ng tsokolate

7. yung anak ni yonie na si kurt na hot from the oven! na aangkinin kong inaanak kahit ndi ako kunin ni yonie as ninang! haha!

wholly week

2009-04-12T10:35:00.000-07:00

i drank mucho this week. hehe:) at the moment i'm still recovering from vodka. lechon. tata benitos. tanduay @ pista. melted ice cream. and the fact that my father has trust issues. haha! he thinks that i should not be close to my guy friends... or at least not touch them! haha! he thinks i should be home early too! yeah, admittedly, i've been out partying mucho this week... and the week before that... and the weeks before that... and so on... but i dont trust many people and those i trust, i know i can trust them and i trust myself with them. i feel that he does not understand how/who i am or how i act around my friends because he is not really the one who is walking around in my shoes and he not the one who is in a relationship called friendship with these people...

its tough for me to have my father controlling my life... at my age?! haay... and i think, one problem i have with this is the fact that i do not know how to address this issue...

whatever.

peace and love to all!
ciao!

god bless!

-=hibernate=-

2009-04-08T00:32:00.000-07:00

i want to disappear for a while... i want to get away from expectations, assumptions, presumptions, confusion and whatever... i will not think of chorbas and fracas for a while. i will reunite with old pals and discover a different kind of fun and take on a new "fresh" perspective. the world i have known for the past few days has gotten a bit too much for me and i feel exhausted from all the highs and lows of it all... i want less of it. so i am going to hibernate.

so if you contact me and you dont hear me holler back, do not be surprised.

how am i going to handle boredom??? ill find ways...

peace and love!
ciao!

note to self--

2009-04-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

i have been beating myself up too much for my behavior last saturday. it bothers me a lot less now. but still, i dunno if we are cool. i dunno if i should call him, ask him out again to make amends or if i should just let it go and wait for fate to weave our paths again...

so while being undecided and doing nothing, i watched gossip girl episode 20 : the remains of J. .. and i understood why i can relate to Blair so much... because like her, i do not like not knowing what's coming. hehe:)

and the wisdom imparted at the end of the episode somehow answered my question... here it is:

Mistakes. we all make them. They usually start with the best of intentions, like keeping a secret to protect someone or getting some distance from the person you've become. Sometimes we do not even know the mistakes we've made to get us where we are, or we figure it out just in time to make it right again. But every mistake happens for a reason: to teach you a lesson you would otherwise never learn. And hopefully you never make that mistake again.

so, i have decided to ask him out for coffee or movie... but just not yet. if he turns me down, i probably wont do it again. hehe:) pati ang kalabaw, napapagod din! haha!

love and peace!
ciao!

or as gossipgirl would say... xoxo

hangin' or hangin?

2009-04-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

haha! mike was pissed because nagparinig tong isang gurlaloo... mahangin daw... hehe:) too bad, that was the best that she could do... :) patience mike. they say its a virtue. wait for the right time to crush her like a bug.

so from up, we decided to go to datcom! woohoo! first time ko. we drank... kami nila new bossang yas, yab ni yas, shyne, mike and me! tama lang for me to be pleasantly hit... to at least forget the troubles i had with responsibilities/real world drama... (grabeh, nastress talaga ako dun! but i wont discuss that here... or anywhere! nyahaha! i shall mention it so i wont forget... hehe:) but it seems that a few ml shy of 1 litre is bad for mike... scared pa naman siya kasi he just got his car form the casa... hehe:)

mike and i ended up at sm. i ate chicken after a long time of avoiding it. :) kasukahon daw siya, sabi ko, i dare you. and yeah, he puked sa kfc. with a little girl standing behind him and waiting for him to finish.
we left the sink clogged. but whatever...

i miss hangin out with the mahangin peeps! hehe
love and peace to all!
ciao!

ps. sorry for the vampire bites... :)

disclaimer *set1

2009-03-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

1. its a habit of mine to point out that i like this thing or that person. i just say i like it. do with it whatever you will. i don't even care kung malisyahan mo. hehe:) basta walang malisya saken yun!

2. i am a touchy-feely person. i love to touch things... and persons. but dont get me wrong, walang malisya sakin yun uie! i understand it might be detrimental to me kay it makes me look like some desperate skank, but i am just wired that way...

3. and no, my crush does not take up all the free space in my head. i dont have one man running through my head all the time or like, not everything that i do is motivated by my crush. it would feel like you belittle me if you think that.

4. shux, do i love alcohol? or do i just like it to the nth level??? either way, i enjoy it. much. i am scared of being an alcoholic though... hehe:)

5. i hate it when i dont get even. i need to get even. i dont care hw long it takes or how many times i try. i just have to.

6. somtimes i tell stories which you dont really care about. im not trying to be fake or oa or whatever pintas you have for it. Nor am i trying to give the impression that my world is bigger that it is. in fact, murag mugamay gani siya kay little things that ordinarily wouldnt matter to many people matters to me. pathetic. hehe:) usually, if it involves friends, i tell them because i was deeply touched and i dont know how to process that emotion. i was not wired that way. haha! if its about crushes, wla teh, nalingaw na ko ana. hihi:)

7. i dont care much about what people say behind my back. especially when it comes to petty things like my behavior at bbq boss last night or basti's... hihi:) or that i stink... because i know i do. hehe:) or whatever comment people might have about me, because i might have heard them before and there might be truth to them. if these opinions are devoid of truth, people are still entitled to their own opinions or perception or interpretation of certain things. that's fine.

8. and yes, i am mean, suplada, maldita, or other similar adjectives. hehe:) but the question is, can you handle it??? nakz! hehe:)

9. i love my friends. that's probably one of the things i take some pride in. i am not plastic either. if i stay away from you, its with good reason. if i keep bugging you, its because i like you mucho... but that kind of liking does not necessarily translate into anything romantic.

you see? i'm pretty simple... haha!

love and peace!
ciao!

10 places in 9 hours

2009-03-29T07:26:00.000-07:00

1. house.
2. durian bar, madrazo. beer, new friends, old friends, free lighters at a laundryshop in ponciano.
3. coffee at basti's victoria.
4. torres.
5. a friend and sisses at autoshop compound.
6. beer at urban club. videoke, pictures, coke, chippy, old friends, new friends at malibago times beach.
7. beer, music, rappers as new friends at seawall.
8. anti-allergy meds at L.A. tugbok
9. fries, burgers, drinks and an old high school chum at mcdo matina.
10. dencio's hilltop for daybreak

a superfriend made the night more memorable for me and my cousin...
tnx superfriend!

i sustained bruises that night... and bite marks... on both arms...

i got pix as evidence...

i wonder who is to blame for all this... hmm... any ideas?? hehe:)

peace and love to all.
ciao!