so this year is about to end... what have i done this year? what happened to me this year? not much.. it feel like i slept through it. hehe:)i was employed, i got back into school, i stopped drinking, never smoked, lost weight, had a fling, met new people and discovered a deeper appreciation for this life. :)
for the coming year, i want to do better. i want to get a job again, get better grades, keep away from drinking or smoking, lose a few more lbs, have a couple more flings (haha), meet more people and continually enrich "the self" as i know it.
i want to be far more responsible and mature (whatever that means) this time. i want to be on time, when it comes to deadlines and appointments. i want to apply myself more. surely there is more for me to do out there, you know? like the rest of this world is outside my comfort zone, mu cocoon, my shell, my head... and i should do more. i just need to figure out what it is that i need to do.. :) maybe i'll get a hobby or read more novels. i feel empty, dry and lacking depth or perception sometimes. haha! luoy. i wanna be less impulsive and aggressive when it comes to the matter and manner of my speaking habits and stuff... i need to be more quiet and far more centered. :) i need to be more careful and less reckless. essentially, i need to improve!~ haha! :)
good luck to me.
god bless u! ciao!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Friday, December 3, 2010
intuition?
something is off... i dont know what it is. i can not fix it if i dont know what's wrong. i dont even know if there is some sense of urgency... i can just feel it in my bones... its making my flesh shiver... and the butterflies in my tummy are going crazy... what is this??
Friday, November 12, 2010
of fist-bumps and past-loves
sometime during my hibernation period, i took time to see my sis from manila.
this sis was the one who listened to me when i was oa/warlah with bigboy, and i listened to her drama with her BF i'll refer to as mr.playah. we were in love at the same time and miserable at more or less the same time. she knew bigboy and i knew mr.playah. we are both over-thinkers and feeling-logical-pero-uber-emo-diay. hehe:) and at that time, we seemed to be on the same page because we both felt too much for the boys in our lives and we were really willing to go beyond our comfort zones and do whatever to try to make it with them.... pano kasi, those boys made us really fall off our high horses for the first time... our high-and-mighty feelingera selves.. tsk. tsk.
so anyway, when i was in manila, she told me that mr.playah was in manila just days before my arrival. they decided to meet... and after a long time of not seing each other, mr.playah extended his hand to give her a ... FIST-BUMP!!! oh yeah! the fist bump. then said nothing... wala na silang masabi. hehe:) i was teasing her and giving her a hard time for it... because... imagine, feeling so much for this person, telling them you missed them constantly, all the moments you shared... the i-love-yous and the cry-cry moments, the you-and-me-against-the-world and the i-cant-live-without-you feelings... all that and more seemed to deserve the fist-bump. is that even right? or ethical? or proper? what??? i dont get it.
oaky, in situations like this, what are you supposed to do? how do u greet an ex? how do you greet a past-love??
a. "hi" + wave
b. hug
c. beso/kiss
d. handshake
e. wala
a mere "hi" plus wave is too impersonal.. like magkalimtanay pa mog pangalan na level. a handshake is too formal. a bow is OWVURRR! a hug is too intimate. a beso or kiss on the cheek can be misleading. are we really out of options to the point that we greet past-loves with fist-bumps?? what happened to doing nothing and playing it cool?? that's how you greet most friends, right?? like, wala lang... ex naman siya, so demoted na siya from lover to friend. nothing is fine, i think.
why the fist bump??? maybe because generally, its a non verbal way of saying that u dont want anything more than friendship. a fist bump should tell you that you have been categorized under "strictly friendship only" or something like that... the fist bump suggests that they regard you as a person close to them, but there is a wall between you. there is a limitation to the kind of relationship you'll have or emotional investment you would make with this person.
given that, maybe the fist bump is the next best thing... right after nothing. hehe:)
but boys and girls dont normally fist bump... but whatever.
god bless!
ciao!
*********************************
ps. last night, i got a fist-bump
from a past love, so i remembered.
hehe:)
this sis was the one who listened to me when i was oa/warlah with bigboy, and i listened to her drama with her BF i'll refer to as mr.playah. we were in love at the same time and miserable at more or less the same time. she knew bigboy and i knew mr.playah. we are both over-thinkers and feeling-logical-pero-uber-emo-diay. hehe:) and at that time, we seemed to be on the same page because we both felt too much for the boys in our lives and we were really willing to go beyond our comfort zones and do whatever to try to make it with them.... pano kasi, those boys made us really fall off our high horses for the first time... our high-and-mighty feelingera selves.. tsk. tsk.
so anyway, when i was in manila, she told me that mr.playah was in manila just days before my arrival. they decided to meet... and after a long time of not seing each other, mr.playah extended his hand to give her a ... FIST-BUMP!!! oh yeah! the fist bump. then said nothing... wala na silang masabi. hehe:) i was teasing her and giving her a hard time for it... because... imagine, feeling so much for this person, telling them you missed them constantly, all the moments you shared... the i-love-yous and the cry-cry moments, the you-and-me-against-the-world and the i-cant-live-without-you feelings... all that and more seemed to deserve the fist-bump. is that even right? or ethical? or proper? what??? i dont get it.
oaky, in situations like this, what are you supposed to do? how do u greet an ex? how do you greet a past-love??
a. "hi" + wave
b. hug
c. beso/kiss
d. handshake
e. wala
a mere "hi" plus wave is too impersonal.. like magkalimtanay pa mog pangalan na level. a handshake is too formal. a bow is OWVURRR! a hug is too intimate. a beso or kiss on the cheek can be misleading. are we really out of options to the point that we greet past-loves with fist-bumps?? what happened to doing nothing and playing it cool?? that's how you greet most friends, right?? like, wala lang... ex naman siya, so demoted na siya from lover to friend. nothing is fine, i think.
why the fist bump??? maybe because generally, its a non verbal way of saying that u dont want anything more than friendship. a fist bump should tell you that you have been categorized under "strictly friendship only" or something like that... the fist bump suggests that they regard you as a person close to them, but there is a wall between you. there is a limitation to the kind of relationship you'll have or emotional investment you would make with this person.
given that, maybe the fist bump is the next best thing... right after nothing. hehe:)
but boys and girls dont normally fist bump... but whatever.
god bless!
ciao!
*********************************
ps. last night, i got a fist-bump
from a past love, so i remembered.
hehe:)
in re: hibernation
yes, i have been hibernating for the past few months... i was taking time off from my all consuming social life to focus on me and my skewed/stunted maturity... i have even kept myself from making entries here since i am trying not to make this a quasi-diary or more like an avenue to show-off my weak human sides... glad to know it worked.
since the time i tried to stay under the radar, things have changed. i feel like i have grown some and matured... i did somehow explore a few romantic webs, (although under the radar) and i found myself in situation i never thought i would. although i spent very little time with them, i met people who have opened me up more than i thought they would. i experienced a lot and realized so many things. see mommy? i learned!! :)
im back in school too. :) i hope i do better than good this time. :)
god bless!
ciao!
since the time i tried to stay under the radar, things have changed. i feel like i have grown some and matured... i did somehow explore a few romantic webs, (although under the radar) and i found myself in situation i never thought i would. although i spent very little time with them, i met people who have opened me up more than i thought they would. i experienced a lot and realized so many things. see mommy? i learned!! :)
im back in school too. :) i hope i do better than good this time. :)
god bless!
ciao!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
set the BAR
i went to the the last sunday of this year's bar operations... SOO.PER.FUN. :)
i wanna enrol myself next sem na!!! bahala na si darna kung paano ki imamanage yun! bahala na!!! bahala na ang pagbalance ng money making activity at acads! bahala na. dive na to!! go na! hahaha!
chakabelles. ganun pala ang barOps... nakakatuwa. nakakatouch. nakakaiyak. nakakatuwa. nakakatakot. as ruffa would put it (in that tunog bading voice of hers): NAKAKA-LOW-KAH.. :)
i want that for myself (that, among other things). i forgot who i was and what i wanted last year... and the bar ops reminded me of who i was and what i wanted (even stuff that have nothing to do with law) back then. :) but the year that passed has taught me to trust God more... this time, i understand that i need to worry less about getting the things i want because if God meant for me to have it, then it shall be mine. :)
i wanna enrol myself next sem na!!! bahala na si darna kung paano ki imamanage yun! bahala na!!! bahala na ang pagbalance ng money making activity at acads! bahala na. dive na to!! go na! hahaha!
chakabelles. ganun pala ang barOps... nakakatuwa. nakakatouch. nakakaiyak. nakakatuwa. nakakatakot. as ruffa would put it (in that tunog bading voice of hers): NAKAKA-LOW-KAH.. :)
i want that for myself (that, among other things). i forgot who i was and what i wanted last year... and the bar ops reminded me of who i was and what i wanted (even stuff that have nothing to do with law) back then. :) but the year that passed has taught me to trust God more... this time, i understand that i need to worry less about getting the things i want because if God meant for me to have it, then it shall be mine. :)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
TAL ver 09/09 vs TAL ver 09/10
here are some of the obvious upgrades:
1. dyeing my hair was out of the question. :)
2. couldnt wear high-waisted pecil skirts with really high pumps in broad daylight, nor tube dresses w/o cardigans over them. im definitely more vain now.
3. i am 10 pounds lighter now. woohoo!
4. i no longer drink. i stopped since may 1, 2009.
5. it has been a little more than a year since my last stick of yo... :)
6. dili na ko igat!!! haha! i no longer how to employ "da mubs" nor drop flirty teasing lines. and i do not want to be seen as someone like that anymore. i now understand that sex is only a currency during desperate times. hehe:)
7. i actually partnered with my HS bestfriend to launch a business in fashion.
8. i want to be employed now... and stay in that company for good. haha! inow understand that working, being employed, or aligning urself with a company for the longest time does not mean you'll sink into mediocrity.
9. i think i can manage my *ehem* feelings now. or at least i'd like to think i can. hehe:)
10. i have more faith... in God, the universe, my friends, my family, and most importantly myself. i feel tougher now. charuuuuuuuuut! :) haha!
1. dyeing my hair was out of the question. :)
2. couldnt wear high-waisted pecil skirts with really high pumps in broad daylight, nor tube dresses w/o cardigans over them. im definitely more vain now.
3. i am 10 pounds lighter now. woohoo!
4. i no longer drink. i stopped since may 1, 2009.
5. it has been a little more than a year since my last stick of yo... :)
6. dili na ko igat!!! haha! i no longer how to employ "da mubs" nor drop flirty teasing lines. and i do not want to be seen as someone like that anymore. i now understand that sex is only a currency during desperate times. hehe:)
7. i actually partnered with my HS bestfriend to launch a business in fashion.
8. i want to be employed now... and stay in that company for good. haha! inow understand that working, being employed, or aligning urself with a company for the longest time does not mean you'll sink into mediocrity.
9. i think i can manage my *ehem* feelings now. or at least i'd like to think i can. hehe:)
10. i have more faith... in God, the universe, my friends, my family, and most importantly myself. i feel tougher now. charuuuuuuuuut! :) haha!
i know, i know.
one full year has passed since we called it quits in dimsum diner guerrero. remember?
you know, so much has passed and so many things happened. i still feel some amount of pain, but i no longer remember all our memories. i can hardly remember how it was. time has made me forget.
now, the only struggle i have is getting over all the things that i have been through and all the things that i discovered about myself. i just need to get over the loss of my naivety (no, not the sexual kind, but more like rose-tinted glasses approach to relationships). since i realized that i was wrong about so many things, i feel like i need to reconstruct myself and focus on coming up with a better version of myself this time. para next year, lahi na imong makita ta ako!! haha!
you know, so much has passed and so many things happened. i still feel some amount of pain, but i no longer remember all our memories. i can hardly remember how it was. time has made me forget.
now, the only struggle i have is getting over all the things that i have been through and all the things that i discovered about myself. i just need to get over the loss of my naivety (no, not the sexual kind, but more like rose-tinted glasses approach to relationships). since i realized that i was wrong about so many things, i feel like i need to reconstruct myself and focus on coming up with a better version of myself this time. para next year, lahi na imong makita ta ako!! haha!
september ending
1. i still dont have a job. haha! i have not really excerted extra effort to look for one because i will be on travel till the second week of october.
2. i have decided to pursue photography... but i can not yet afford a good camera... not until i get a job. hehe:)
3. closure? nope. i dont have that yet.
so i guess i'm still in the grey area but this timei have a more colorful perspective. hows that? :)
god bless.
ciao!
2. i have decided to pursue photography... but i can not yet afford a good camera... not until i get a job. hehe:)
3. closure? nope. i dont have that yet.
so i guess i'm still in the grey area but this timei have a more colorful perspective. hows that? :)
god bless.
ciao!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
wake me up when---
---september ends...
i hope by the end of this month, i would no longer be in the gray area and i would have a job, a new hobby, and closure. :)
wish me luck! :)
****************************************************
i had a lot of fun with mike last friday.
we took pictures and we watched despicable me.
the pictures look nice -salamat kay nakapraktis na jud ko ug edit. and walking around with a camera was liberating... ambot. i really missed the feeling... i have forgotten how good it felt. :) and it takes some time to get over despicable me due to agnes' cuteness... "its so fluffy im gonna die! its so flufffffaaaaaayyyy!!!" haha!
god bless u.
ciao!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
baby steps in the gray area
"if you don't stand for one thing, you'll fall for anything."
i have always tried to avoid the gray area. when an issue is presented, i always try to see it in black and white. i always try to decide whether i am for it or against it. i hardly have no comments, or no opinions regarding a certain matter. i always make a choice. i believe that making a choice allows you to address the issue in an efficient and timely manner.
right now, given all the crazy things going on in my mind, i am forced to be in the gray area. i have to live in this gray area for an indefinite period of time and it is incredibly difficult for me. I am struggling with the time factor because i am very impatient and i need to restore my peace of mind asap. My peace of mind cannot be restored yet because i am in the gray area. being here kills me because i feel like i am powerless and i am unable to address the several issues that cloud my mind. i feel stuck because i cannot make choices and viable options do not seem to be present. i am so confused, and i hate that.
but the thing that keeps me going is my faith in the fact that things will get better with time. God is next to me. this is just another thing i need to deal with or another phase i need to be in, in order to learn more. so i will take all of it in. i will survive this one day at a time. i'll get to where i am supposed to be and be who i am supposed to be. baby steps...
god bless you.
ciao!
i have always tried to avoid the gray area. when an issue is presented, i always try to see it in black and white. i always try to decide whether i am for it or against it. i hardly have no comments, or no opinions regarding a certain matter. i always make a choice. i believe that making a choice allows you to address the issue in an efficient and timely manner.
right now, given all the crazy things going on in my mind, i am forced to be in the gray area. i have to live in this gray area for an indefinite period of time and it is incredibly difficult for me. I am struggling with the time factor because i am very impatient and i need to restore my peace of mind asap. My peace of mind cannot be restored yet because i am in the gray area. being here kills me because i feel like i am powerless and i am unable to address the several issues that cloud my mind. i feel stuck because i cannot make choices and viable options do not seem to be present. i am so confused, and i hate that.
but the thing that keeps me going is my faith in the fact that things will get better with time. God is next to me. this is just another thing i need to deal with or another phase i need to be in, in order to learn more. so i will take all of it in. i will survive this one day at a time. i'll get to where i am supposed to be and be who i am supposed to be. baby steps...
god bless you.
ciao!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
afterthought---
i feel so humbled by the grandeur of God's design. i feel so small, yet so empowered to do something great, to be someone good.
a blessed sunday to all.
a blessed sunday to all.
good morning sunshine!
it feels like i have been asleep for the past year. i missed out on so much. true, a lot of things happened... too many to enumerate... and i felt so much, like gabalde, gabaha! haha! but it feels like everything's just part of a dream. i say this because i feel like i got disconnected from the rest of the world, from my friends and family, and mostly i felt disconnected from myself. i just wallowed in my thoughts, ran around my head and walked the earth only half-conscious of what was really going on and what i was doing.
but my eyes are open now. ☺
but my eyes are open now. ☺
Thursday, July 15, 2010
practice shots 2010 batch 1
http://tanya006.multiply.com/photos/album/61/practice_shots_2010_batch_1
please take a look at my shots through my multiply account and give me your comments... please? thanks! :)
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
what's new?
1. my age! i am now 25 years old. :) to me, that means a whole new set of responsibilities and expectations. *sigh* but i cant complain. because hitting my 25th year is such a huge blessing. indeed i am far more fortunate compared to plenty of other people in the world who have not reached that age as i have. i feel so blessed and my heart sings praises to the Lord above for all that i have and for all that i am.
2. my perspective or my approach to life... :) or at least i feel like it has changed somehow... erm, drastically in my 24th year actually. hehe:) my 24th year was action/drama packed. i no longer feel that real life is so boring that its soul-crushing thus...
3. my blog's appearance has also changed! :) i changed it because i want to present myself differently this time. i welcome change just a bit more now so i look forward to new experiences and stuff... :)
well, that's all for now...
peace and love!
ciao!
2. my perspective or my approach to life... :) or at least i feel like it has changed somehow... erm, drastically in my 24th year actually. hehe:) my 24th year was action/drama packed. i no longer feel that real life is so boring that its soul-crushing thus...
3. my blog's appearance has also changed! :) i changed it because i want to present myself differently this time. i welcome change just a bit more now so i look forward to new experiences and stuff... :)
well, that's all for now...
peace and love!
ciao!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
beauty beyond bigkas
i have been on travel a lot recently... i have seen so many beaches and coastal areas that i now have a different kind of appreciation for the sea. i like beaches, but im no beach baby... madali akong magsawa sa dagat. but now, it seems my tolerance has increased...
here's why:
these were taken in mabini, compostella valley.
god bless!
ciao.
here's why:
these were taken in mabini, compostella valley.
god bless!
ciao.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
ah ken transfowm yah!
funny thing is, i can say i'm happy...
true, i have been sober for 23 days now... and i have no plans to put alcohol in my mouth anytime soon. i still go to parties, not every single one of them (like i used to); just the "nice" ones... i just dont drink or smoke... i find myself being able to have fun though...
funny lang kay gabii, we (perry n nica) went to a pool party (pix posted below) and perry handed me his cup full of alak... and i dunno what came over me, siguro purely out of habit; as in without making a conscious decision, i took a sip!! haha! as soon as i realized it, i spat out the alak!! hahaha!!!
i feel happy with all the changes. :) thanks God.
god bless!
ciao!
******************************************
this morning, over coffee, i remember
he said: "di man pwede tulad ng dati,
may changes man talaga..."
and yes, meron nga... and im happy
with the changes within me.
change is not something i should resist,
nor fear. its actually good and i have the
power to wield it.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
icebox for a heart
i am the kind of person who does not hold grudges, or angst or bitterness or negativity. if i feel like i can hate you, i'll basically stay away from u... para iwas samok bah. i do not really try to please everybody, but i do not like having enemies. the friends i make, are friends i'll keep for life. so when u say u want to be friends, i take that seriously... it does not matter if i like you, not even if you broke my heart... if i decide to be friends (in the most conventional understanding of the term), then we are friends.
now, i just dont understand why all of a sudden u seem cold and distant. we used to be okay friends... why the cold shoulder now?? if ur into someone else, that's fine.. i just hope that me reaching out to u or my acts of kindness wont be interpreted as me trying to win you back over again for repetition twice...
dont get the wrong idea. dont get too full of urself.. im not after you. the romantic aspect of our relationship has long expired... :)
if u dont want to be friends with me, have the balls to say so. u'll gain my respect if u do.
ciao!
xo
now, i just dont understand why all of a sudden u seem cold and distant. we used to be okay friends... why the cold shoulder now?? if ur into someone else, that's fine.. i just hope that me reaching out to u or my acts of kindness wont be interpreted as me trying to win you back over again for repetition twice...
dont get the wrong idea. dont get too full of urself.. im not after you. the romantic aspect of our relationship has long expired... :)
if u dont want to be friends with me, have the balls to say so. u'll gain my respect if u do.
ciao!
xo
Thursday, April 1, 2010
election story for thought
Election time,.. heaven or hell
Subject: Election time,.. heaven or hell HEAVEN OR HELL?
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity.”
“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his fr iends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good
time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”
The devil smiles at him and says,”Yesterday we were campaigning …Today, you voted.”
Subject: Election time,.. heaven or hell HEAVEN OR HELL?
While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
“Welcome to heaven,” says St. Peter. “Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” says the Senator.
“Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend
eternity.”
“Really?, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,” says the Senator.
“I’m sorry, but we have our rules.”
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his fr iends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good
time dancing and telling jokes.
They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, “Now it’s time to visit heaven.”
So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
“Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.”
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: “Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.”
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he
goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
“I don’t understand,” stammers the Senator. “Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?”
The devil smiles at him and says,”Yesterday we were campaigning …Today, you voted.”
new hobby!!! :)
here are a few of the arrangements i made for my home...
i have a new interest.. arranging flowers!! :)
(kagirly noh?? :) m a step closer to my dream to be a suzy-home-maker kind of girl.. NOT! haha! :)
bdw, i wanna milk this.. so if u need flowers.. arrangements, etc... u need it delivered or what... i can make it happen. :) just contact me (09327301515) at least 2 days before u need them... :)
wee! god bless! :)
i have a new interest.. arranging flowers!! :)
(kagirly noh?? :) m a step closer to my dream to be a suzy-home-maker kind of girl.. NOT! haha! :)
bdw, i wanna milk this.. so if u need flowers.. arrangements, etc... u need it delivered or what... i can make it happen. :) just contact me (09327301515) at least 2 days before u need them... :)
wee! god bless! :)
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
17!!!
its funny how i decide to post his on the 17th! haha! :)
this morning i woke up asking myself if i was ready to let him go... let go in a sense that every morsel or grain that i keep in the deepest parts of me is to be cleaned out and released to the wind.
i think its goodbye. for real. i'm saying goodbye. i think i can do that now. :)
love and peace!
god bless!
ciao! :)
*********************
i know u dont like this topic,
but its gotta be posted for
diary purposes... :)
this morning i woke up asking myself if i was ready to let him go... let go in a sense that every morsel or grain that i keep in the deepest parts of me is to be cleaned out and released to the wind.
i think its goodbye. for real. i'm saying goodbye. i think i can do that now. :)
love and peace!
god bless!
ciao! :)
*********************
i know u dont like this topic,
but its gotta be posted for
diary purposes... :)
Sunday, March 7, 2010
march on!
march is women's month. march is the month when my tito, and papa have their bdays. :) i like this month and at the same time dread it. it marks the start of summer vacation and this coming summer, i want to make new memories to overshadow the memories of my last summer. :) wee! i look forward to the things i'll do this year.. :)
Friday, February 26, 2010
new baby steps...
this is what i have been working on...
my best friend and i have always wanted to do something together... given the difference in our personalities, we still came up with this as a hobby, business, creative output.
1 AM Fashion Factory is still starting, so i as for your support and understandin.. i do appreciate criticisms... brutal honesty is a must. :)
check out our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100000671332289&ref=ts
my best friend and i have always wanted to do something together... given the difference in our personalities, we still came up with this as a hobby, business, creative output.
1 AM Fashion Factory is still starting, so i as for your support and understandin.. i do appreciate criticisms... brutal honesty is a must. :)
check out our facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=100000671332289&ref=ts
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
quick & easy oatmeal cookie
ingredients:
3 eggs
1 cup shortening
1 cup flour
1/2 ts salt
1 cup raisins
2 ts baking powder
3 1/2 cups oatmeal
1 cup sugar
preheat oven to 350F.
pour boling water over raisins (just enough to cover the raisins). let sit.
combine all other ingredients together, then stir in raisin mixture.
drop by teaspoonful onto greased cookie sheet. bake in hot oven for 12-15 mins.
the picture above is what it looks like before baking. the picture below was taken after it was baked. :)
the recipe makes about 60 2-inch cookies.
i like this cookie because they are soft, not too sweet and they are so easy to make.
try it!
god bless you!
ciao!
**********************************
i like baking! :)
im back to doin the things i used
to love doing.. :)
Thursday, February 11, 2010
i see dead people.
i hate fear... yet its on my back like a dark hairy mole. i'm marked with fear.
no, i dont have the fear of spiders or the dark or stuff like that... i used to be scared of the deep water, but not to the point of fainting... i used to be scared of heights, but after i tried wall climbing, i found myself able to manage it well. anyway, that kind of fear is not the kind i am referring to... although, as i write this sentence, i realize that it should hint to the things i am (deeply) scared of...
on my 21st bday, my parents gave me a car but i never drove it. it was just parked on the driveway for 6 months before my parents finally decided to sell it. i did not want to drive for the fear of injuring someone... or getting into legal trouble.
i am 24 years old but i am still scared to fall in love. (okay, super cheeeezy line. sorry.) i am scared of how it will not turn out the way fairy tales predict... and instead become a collection of melancholy poems. i fear the pain, the unknown and the unknown amount of pain i have to live through if i allow myself to love.
well, since i am just rising from the ashes of my recent burn-out, i find myself far more scared now... i fear that to let him go means goodbye for good and we wont find our way back to each other. on the other hand, i fear that to hold on means being stuck and i dont want to be here till death. it seems that my fear of the unknown and of getting hurt again and being cursed to a miserable life has been intensified...
right now, i am just lost. but soon i know i'll find the courage. i know it's there somewhere... that bit of courage brought me here, so i just need to find it within myself again huh? :)
god bless!
ciao!
no, i dont have the fear of spiders or the dark or stuff like that... i used to be scared of the deep water, but not to the point of fainting... i used to be scared of heights, but after i tried wall climbing, i found myself able to manage it well. anyway, that kind of fear is not the kind i am referring to... although, as i write this sentence, i realize that it should hint to the things i am (deeply) scared of...
on my 21st bday, my parents gave me a car but i never drove it. it was just parked on the driveway for 6 months before my parents finally decided to sell it. i did not want to drive for the fear of injuring someone... or getting into legal trouble.
i am 24 years old but i am still scared to fall in love. (okay, super cheeeezy line. sorry.) i am scared of how it will not turn out the way fairy tales predict... and instead become a collection of melancholy poems. i fear the pain, the unknown and the unknown amount of pain i have to live through if i allow myself to love.
well, since i am just rising from the ashes of my recent burn-out, i find myself far more scared now... i fear that to let him go means goodbye for good and we wont find our way back to each other. on the other hand, i fear that to hold on means being stuck and i dont want to be here till death. it seems that my fear of the unknown and of getting hurt again and being cursed to a miserable life has been intensified...
right now, i am just lost. but soon i know i'll find the courage. i know it's there somewhere... that bit of courage brought me here, so i just need to find it within myself again huh? :)
god bless!
ciao!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
baby steps to old self :)
i was practising with the camera my broody left me.. :)
its been years since i took pictures. i need practice... much practice. i dont know how to focus. and i feel like my composition is off now and i need to pay attention to the artistic value of my pix... hmm... i need to relearn everything... but the three pix should tell you im back to a couple of my old hobbies: photography and plants... :)
lalalalalav month!
boo! i hate this time of the year.. everyone is sooo lovey-dovey... (haha! and yes, i realize that i was sounding a bit bitter while i was adding more o's to "so" hehe:) im glad the year of the tiger is on feb 14 so it kinda takes attention away from the day intended to celebrate love. boo! a day to celebrate hope, hunger or poverty should be set aside too... for all those things are also important. boo!
i especially hate this day, this year. i still have my battle scars and i am still a bit bruised from all the fighting i had to do in the battle field that is love. boo! i am perfectly fine, actually. i would just really hate to know that they (bigboy and gumby) went out and had a good time. of course they would, coz that's what couples are expected to do. and coz motels slash their prices this time of the year and we all know who is a bit of a perv... i know im not supposed to care anymore but... i dont know... so BOO!!!
if u hate is, suck it. (--weh? ill party. anyone wanna join me?)
ciao!
i especially hate this day, this year. i still have my battle scars and i am still a bit bruised from all the fighting i had to do in the battle field that is love. boo! i am perfectly fine, actually. i would just really hate to know that they (bigboy and gumby) went out and had a good time. of course they would, coz that's what couples are expected to do. and coz motels slash their prices this time of the year and we all know who is a bit of a perv... i know im not supposed to care anymore but... i dont know... so BOO!!!
if u hate is, suck it. (--weh? ill party. anyone wanna join me?)
ciao!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
buhbye january!
what happened to me this month??
i was in manila nung early days of january. i went home to get a few things straight (like business permits, etc..) and because his bday was coming up and because i needed to talk to him about things and i did not really have anything to do in mla. :) then i started a new business with my friend... i hope it will be successful because i delayed job hunting for this..
i was in manila nung early days of january. i went home to get a few things straight (like business permits, etc..) and because his bday was coming up and because i needed to talk to him about things and i did not really have anything to do in mla. :) then i started a new business with my friend... i hope it will be successful because i delayed job hunting for this..
left-overs anyone???
"manluod ko? o kalimtanay na ta?" --- *like* haha!
well, last night nianhi siya sa balay... nagubot kadali akong world. hehe:) kay gitext diay siya sa akong mama para kuhaon ang bday gift niya.. nasuya ko bai! haha! lain kaayo kay gapanluod pa man gud ko niya... nanluod ko kay ingon siya adto ko sa iya bday pero wa jud siya nagnimbita. :( boo! i know, OA ra kaayo ko. haha) pero ang root sa akong panluod kay he was not there when i needed him. i told him man gud na i needed someont to talk to about something and that i was feeling down. and he said punta siya sa bahay, blahblah... but nothing! then he said kunin niya yung gift niya pero wala pud... kapoy asa sa paasa. i know dapat dili na magexpect pero abi nako amigo mi eh.. hmm. then he tells me na busy siya! hahaha! thats a laugh and a half! :P
so he was here last night... he took a zippo lighter from my collection, promising not to lose it and giving it back after a year. i protested but it was useless. he wanted my earings too! but told him was not giving it to him even if he replaced it in case of loss. and he counted the days when we last saw each other. and i hate the way he looked at me kay pirmi siya gatanaw and gareminisce. and iyang ginagmay na jamming. ug naglagot ko kay galikay siya ug mention sa iyang uyab! tapos he told me my cooking was good, that i did not gain weight, blah blah... my best friend was here and from what he saw, he said that the guy was rather flirty. bad nh? kay naa baya uyab si chorbah! unsa ko?! my best friend said that it was a mind game. boo! whatever. i dont want to play the role of "the other woman" even if i still had feelings for him. he can not have us both man gud tapos hassle/unfair/suya sa ako na mamiga siya nako nga naa man siya uyab! bisan pa muingon siya na wa siya naganahi ato or ganahn siya nako, the fact is- sila gihapon.. ug wala koy plano musawsaw ana. ingon pa akong amigo kay mura lang kog gihimong option number two kay kabalo siya na ganahan ko niya ug dili nako batasan nang magreject ug tao. isisp siguro niya na kung unsa man galing, naa ra ghapon ko. kaso, mapan-os raba gihapon ang bahaw ug salin.
ug naktawa ko kay ana siya na "nagchange diay kag numbers?" i said "oo" tapos ana pud siya na "mao diay sige kog tawag, cannot be reached..." hahaha! sabaja! atik kaayo kay naa raba gihapon akong mga old numbers... hahaha! and kabalo na siya na nagchange kog numbers, wa pud niya pangayu-a ang bag-o... hahaha! joke kaayo! ambot ani niya uie! in fairness, ginapalisdan jud kog move on ha?! sa dihang sige ra siyag sulpot sa mga panahon na arang-arang na ko!
whatever. basta dili ko musugot na mura kog bahaw... kaunon ra inig wala nay lain ug grabe na ang kagutom...
well, last night nianhi siya sa balay... nagubot kadali akong world. hehe:) kay gitext diay siya sa akong mama para kuhaon ang bday gift niya.. nasuya ko bai! haha! lain kaayo kay gapanluod pa man gud ko niya... nanluod ko kay ingon siya adto ko sa iya bday pero wa jud siya nagnimbita. :( boo! i know, OA ra kaayo ko. haha) pero ang root sa akong panluod kay he was not there when i needed him. i told him man gud na i needed someont to talk to about something and that i was feeling down. and he said punta siya sa bahay, blahblah... but nothing! then he said kunin niya yung gift niya pero wala pud... kapoy asa sa paasa. i know dapat dili na magexpect pero abi nako amigo mi eh.. hmm. then he tells me na busy siya! hahaha! thats a laugh and a half! :P
so he was here last night... he took a zippo lighter from my collection, promising not to lose it and giving it back after a year. i protested but it was useless. he wanted my earings too! but told him was not giving it to him even if he replaced it in case of loss. and he counted the days when we last saw each other. and i hate the way he looked at me kay pirmi siya gatanaw and gareminisce. and iyang ginagmay na jamming. ug naglagot ko kay galikay siya ug mention sa iyang uyab! tapos he told me my cooking was good, that i did not gain weight, blah blah... my best friend was here and from what he saw, he said that the guy was rather flirty. bad nh? kay naa baya uyab si chorbah! unsa ko?! my best friend said that it was a mind game. boo! whatever. i dont want to play the role of "the other woman" even if i still had feelings for him. he can not have us both man gud tapos hassle/unfair/suya sa ako na mamiga siya nako nga naa man siya uyab! bisan pa muingon siya na wa siya naganahi ato or ganahn siya nako, the fact is- sila gihapon.. ug wala koy plano musawsaw ana. ingon pa akong amigo kay mura lang kog gihimong option number two kay kabalo siya na ganahan ko niya ug dili nako batasan nang magreject ug tao. isisp siguro niya na kung unsa man galing, naa ra ghapon ko. kaso, mapan-os raba gihapon ang bahaw ug salin.
ug naktawa ko kay ana siya na "nagchange diay kag numbers?" i said "oo" tapos ana pud siya na "mao diay sige kog tawag, cannot be reached..." hahaha! sabaja! atik kaayo kay naa raba gihapon akong mga old numbers... hahaha! and kabalo na siya na nagchange kog numbers, wa pud niya pangayu-a ang bag-o... hahaha! joke kaayo! ambot ani niya uie! in fairness, ginapalisdan jud kog move on ha?! sa dihang sige ra siyag sulpot sa mga panahon na arang-arang na ko!
whatever. basta dili ko musugot na mura kog bahaw... kaunon ra inig wala nay lain ug grabe na ang kagutom...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
happy birthday
"we make our own fortunes and then call them fate. And what better excuse to choose a path than to insist its our destiny? But at the end of the day, we all have to live with our choices... no matter who is looking over our shoulder."
i hope u are truly happy with the decisions that u made. dont tell me u want me, because u are committed to her. you cant come to me if u have regrets now, because for all the times that we shared and for all that chances that we had, you never chose me. dont tell me "hindi pa yun ang panahon para sa atin" because you had control over the situation and you could have said no to her if you really wanted me.
and i hate that people keep telling me about her even when i dont ask. dengit! i would have preferred that i did not know such things so that to disregard her feelings would be much easier. and so that i would not feel too sorry for myself.. i know she models, she has a day job and she has her own place which is free from parental supervision... she already has u, now i learn that she has much of all the other things i want. but i cannot talk about her, nor harbor any feelings of joy nor contempt for her, because we do not exist to each other. :) and i'd like to keep it that way.
as for you, i just really need to get you out of my system. i need to detoxify and rehabilitate myself... i have to isolate myself and have 100% no you for the days to come... wish me luck.
ciao!
god bless!
i hope u are truly happy with the decisions that u made. dont tell me u want me, because u are committed to her. you cant come to me if u have regrets now, because for all the times that we shared and for all that chances that we had, you never chose me. dont tell me "hindi pa yun ang panahon para sa atin" because you had control over the situation and you could have said no to her if you really wanted me.
and i hate that people keep telling me about her even when i dont ask. dengit! i would have preferred that i did not know such things so that to disregard her feelings would be much easier. and so that i would not feel too sorry for myself.. i know she models, she has a day job and she has her own place which is free from parental supervision... she already has u, now i learn that she has much of all the other things i want. but i cannot talk about her, nor harbor any feelings of joy nor contempt for her, because we do not exist to each other. :) and i'd like to keep it that way.
as for you, i just really need to get you out of my system. i need to detoxify and rehabilitate myself... i have to isolate myself and have 100% no you for the days to come... wish me luck.
ciao!
god bless!
Monday, January 4, 2010
2009 higlights
yeah, a couple days late... but as you know, i was a bit distracted... anyway, here is a rundown of my 2009...
JANUARY--
-hongkong
-yonie got married to tata
-first month as Sigma Tau MU!!
-conflicts 2009; student council, legal pictionary champs
-we met
FEBRUARY--
-my lola passed away; my viada classmates and TM sisses went to the wake
MARCH--
-exams and dealing with haters
-TM luau
-papa's bday
APRIL&MAY--
-yonie gave birth
-buds, beer, billiards
-almost did not go back to school
JUNE--
-hongkong
-school; he handled my enrollment, unexpectedly classmates
JULY--
-birthday; dinner with family, friends, plus cakes and flowers
-i made a serious booboo; one i must not forget.
AUGUST--
-mama, lolo, tang's bday; he went
-not a good month for us
SEPTEMBER--
-when it was getting better, i do something again
-"unhealthy" talk on the 17th
OCTOBER--
-sembreak
-fugs helping me get over the whole thing
NOVEMBER--
-i decided not to enroll
-kuya's bday
DECEMBER--
-Sigma Tau Mu anniv
-Lex Talionis anniv
-i saw him holding her hands and i started to really get over things
JANUARY--
-hongkong
-yonie got married to tata
-first month as Sigma Tau MU!!
-conflicts 2009; student council, legal pictionary champs
-we met
FEBRUARY--
-my lola passed away; my viada classmates and TM sisses went to the wake
MARCH--
-exams and dealing with haters
-TM luau
-papa's bday
APRIL&MAY--
-yonie gave birth
-buds, beer, billiards
-almost did not go back to school
JUNE--
-hongkong
-school; he handled my enrollment, unexpectedly classmates
JULY--
-birthday; dinner with family, friends, plus cakes and flowers
-i made a serious booboo; one i must not forget.
AUGUST--
-mama, lolo, tang's bday; he went
-not a good month for us
SEPTEMBER--
-when it was getting better, i do something again
-"unhealthy" talk on the 17th
OCTOBER--
-sembreak
-fugs helping me get over the whole thing
NOVEMBER--
-i decided not to enroll
-kuya's bday
DECEMBER--
-Sigma Tau Mu anniv
-Lex Talionis anniv
-i saw him holding her hands and i started to really get over things
Friday, January 1, 2010
how i started the year 2010
january 1, 2010 at around 2:00am, my cousin and i went to this party...
my classmate was there and i was sooo drunk and i ended up embracing him till morning... so werd...
so there i was, really enjoying the party= music + people + alcohol + good vibe. hehe:) i was nostalgia tripping with an old friend, then i decided to thank my classmate for the year 2009. i said "thank you for 2009" sabay hug and kiss sa cheek... tapos di na kami bumitaw. then he started talking, just opening up about what we shared for the past year. sabi niya na hindi pa yun ang time para sa amin. he said that he was in a relationship (with the girl i saw in that bar) but napilitan lang siya and that he would have wanted me if ever... but the past year was not the time for it. he told me he could see that i have grown so much.
he said a lot of things.. much of it, i wont include in this post.. oddly, it seemed like he was reading my mind because all the things he told me answered all the questions i have always wanted to ask but never did. he seemed to be giving me doses of honesty and relieving himself of some baggage. i appreciated it. i thought it was a good close to 2009 and it seemed to shed positivity on 2010..
i still like him, but i now have (better) control of what i feel. i also have a clearer picture of my role in the scheme of things in his life. i have some amount of peace now.
*sings* "so i'll let you go. i'll set you free. when you find you, come back to me."
to a happy and prosperous new year!
god bless you!
ciao!
*****************************************
ps, i got super drunk and for the first
time in a long time, i got a hangover!
haha! i am so decided on cutting back
on alcohol this year.. :) help!
my classmate was there and i was sooo drunk and i ended up embracing him till morning... so werd...
so there i was, really enjoying the party= music + people + alcohol + good vibe. hehe:) i was nostalgia tripping with an old friend, then i decided to thank my classmate for the year 2009. i said "thank you for 2009" sabay hug and kiss sa cheek... tapos di na kami bumitaw. then he started talking, just opening up about what we shared for the past year. sabi niya na hindi pa yun ang time para sa amin. he said that he was in a relationship (with the girl i saw in that bar) but napilitan lang siya and that he would have wanted me if ever... but the past year was not the time for it. he told me he could see that i have grown so much.
he said a lot of things.. much of it, i wont include in this post.. oddly, it seemed like he was reading my mind because all the things he told me answered all the questions i have always wanted to ask but never did. he seemed to be giving me doses of honesty and relieving himself of some baggage. i appreciated it. i thought it was a good close to 2009 and it seemed to shed positivity on 2010..
i still like him, but i now have (better) control of what i feel. i also have a clearer picture of my role in the scheme of things in his life. i have some amount of peace now.
*sings* "so i'll let you go. i'll set you free. when you find you, come back to me."
to a happy and prosperous new year!
god bless you!
ciao!
*****************************************
ps, i got super drunk and for the first
time in a long time, i got a hangover!
haha! i am so decided on cutting back
on alcohol this year.. :) help!
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