blah.

i never thought i would be felling what i did just a little over a month ago... last month, although the offense was somewhat grave, i had confidence that i could still have you back. this time, although the offense is less grave, i am not quite confident that i can still win you over.

patience is a BEERtue.

geez. over the past few days i realized:

1. mugawas akong pagka batang-gamay or akong pagka *ehem* brat when i want something and i cant get it. once i acknowledge the want, i need to have what i want. pronto! otherwise, maglangi, magyawyaw, magdrama.. echos.

2. i am becoming demanding. and i need to remember that i dont have the right to demand or expect anything. dili ko in a relationship.

3. what i ask, God provides. but in his time.. i need to be patient. i need to trust that it will happen, sooner or later, one way or another.

4. i need to learn how to chill... be more stoic and a lot less consumed or fixated on something. i need to remind myself that the conclusion i formulated when i was most passionate about the issue is not always accurate.

5. a man can make me happy, but my happiness does not depend on him entirely..

wee! nastress out ko for the past few days. nabuang kog kalit. i feel like im back to my old self again. happier and with a refreshed outlook. hehe:)

peace and love!
ciao!

*************************

i just got home from his pamangkin's bday party. i got to chat with his mom, ate and their super close family friend. hotseat. and i got the sense na parang i was'nt quite "the classmate lang" this time.. hmm.. m not gonna overthink this. haha!

mad bitch disease

so i asked you how u were. n u said u were fine. but then u asked if i was mad at you. i said no. i was not mad. if i was not myself it was because i was feeling a mixture of these feelings: frustrated, doubtful, sad, kinda lonely and missing u very badly. i assured u i was not mad, and added that "if there is anything wrong with me, it would be rooted on the fact that i miss you very badly. pero ok lang, ganun naman talaga. hehe"

because i do! damnit! i have been tryin sooo hard not t feel it or to acknowledge it, but now i give up... i'm telling you, i miss you. i was trying to train myself na hindi ka na itxt as much or bawasan yung paglambing or pag express ko ng care. i have been trying to prepare myself for something like "the end" kasi u have been out of it or off lately. basically, i excerted less effort and now you think i am mad at you. im not. im mainly frustrated kasi i miss you and you are not doing anything about it. gusto ko sana mageffort ka konti. i want you to want to be with me. i know i cannot ask you for it. i cannot bring myself to ask you. i just really want you to want it for yourself. but maybe you dont... you no longer do.

you did not even reply to my lengthy txt which had a couple of pakyoot jokes in it. you could not even bring yourself to say you miss me.

then why the F@#$ do you care if im mad at you?! amiw. *now im mad*

peace and love!
ciao!

pero bitaw--

--are you trying to get rid of me na?

nagalit ka over such a small thing... inconvenience naman kasi talga ako sayo. i take up ur time, energy, etc... and it wont be such a total loss for you if i go away. wala namang mawawala sayo diba? u dont really get anything from me.. na kainconvenient, sagabal, needy, clingy?, makulit, OA, pahamak, and generally just a waste of fat and skin.. in fact, if you cut me out o ur life, baka mas smooth, predictable and a lot less kapoy pa takbo ng life mo..

so if ur doing that, tell me outright. dont make me guess. dont pick petty fights. just say it.. that way, emotions wont be unecessarily stirred. ayt?

peace and love! ciao!
god bless!

round 2

waaah!!! naa jud nakasab-an gabie!

kay ngano? giingnan na "jan ka lang, daan kita."
wa man nipatuo. ingon pa "sabay nalang tayo."
"ndi, jan ka nalang kasi ulan. maputik dun sa side mo."
"cge lang. lingaw man pud.."
dah! bundakan lagi purtahan inig abot sa sakyanan. gahi man ulo. di maminaw. wa pajud gitingugan hantud nahatod uie. dah! awa lageh...

ug sa dihang, mao ra to ang dahilan ngano nasuko si angkol. ingon pud si manang, di man gud daw siya anad ana. wa siya kasabot na sugo diay to diay. wa siya kasabot na gentleman si angkol.. wa man gud daw warning bah! sa dihang, wa naanad anang jintilman iyang sabay kay pirmi lagi daw siya wan-op-daboys.. mao na ron. nkasab-an lagi..

perti pa daw pangutana ni manang nganong suko kaayo si angkol.. nahuna-huna niya na basi nangita ra ug bikil si angkol para maundang na ni ilang kabuang.. maayo nalang nakainom si manang gabie, nakatulog na sia ug wa na siya nagOA-OA pa.. ganina, inig mata, huna-huna nasad siya.. ug sa dihang nahuna-hunaan niya na basi nasuko si angkol kay nabasa siya ug mas dugay kay nangabri pa purtahan, etc... noh? ug dili bah, kay naglagot siya kay wa siya natuman kay gahig ulo si manang, di kasabot.. haha!

dah lagi! sab-an uie... guol man diay... hehe:)

pero okina kay sorry2x man tapos aymishoohay dayon sila. ukina. hehe:)

pagbinut.an na jud day! hehe