just a thought..

i just thought that maybe loving is not for me. people move from one person to the next ant they are perfectly fine. the one time i decide to let my guard down, and i end up a wreck.

its really not for me. i like it, but its like a drug for me. i just realized that i'm the giver in a relationship and i can hardly stand knowing that a person is mad at me. those traits put together result in a martyr.. u know the kind that cant stop hitting her head with a hammer? :)

and i really dont know how to stop.. i think and rethink, analyze, rationalize and over-think! its exhausting. its too much but i cant stop. i wallow in feeling because i think that's what living is all about. you know?

its when you feel something, anything, that you feel alive. weird huh?? i dunno. maybe i gotta think about this some more..

oh well..

God bless!
Ciao!

ps. i really dont want to crash and burn again. i just like the tingling and the floating feeling when u love someone. :)

b!tch brushed-off

i never thought i could be so wrong about someone.. but then again, hormones make u see things thru rose tinted glasses... so we are all susceptible to being unreliable about people from time to time.. pero geez! please lang, spare me.. u have either reduced me to something so much less than a decent human being or u hate me so much that ur not taking my calls??

no, dear reader, i did not call the guy 58million times. and i have a clear purpose for doing so. its like this:

monday: i got back from cebu n i told him (thru tx) that i got him something that does not have a very long shelf life and that it would expire soon. he said he'll text me kinabukasan.
tuesday: nothing.
wednesday: nagtx siya asking if nagexpire na yung thing. i said ndi pa. he asked me naunsa ko, n i told him i was sick. blah-blah n then i told him id tell him if i felt better i could leave the house na and maybe meet him to hand him the thing.
thursday: i called him, he picked up. he could not get it coz he was in a land far far away. (on this day also, my mom tells me to invite him to a family thng on sunday. kaperfect noh?)
friday: i was better so i ran a few errands and i called him but no answer. and i did not get a follow up txt from him.
saturday: the phone was ringin, then suddenly call failed. wtf?

i dont get it. y does he not take my call? or tx bak? i thought we were "friends" (even if its in the most awkward sense)??? does he think that getting him pasalubong is part of my grand plan to get him back??? geez. *eyes rolling* if that's the case, he needs to get over himself. like, ASAP. puhleeze! (yeah, for a second there, i wanted him back, but now i feel like the rose-tinted glasses dont fit me; my lifestyle, my choices, my personality and the way i'm wired. so now, its ciao foolish boy! if there is one lesson i should learn its that the lovey-dovey-puppy thang isnt for me. naka-move-on na ko, so should u!)

this behavior is seriously disappointing.. like, MAJOR disappointment! i thought he was one of those people who could be mature about the whole thing and transcend, u know?? well, apparently not. n this behavior cannot be rooted on bitter feelings because i dont think he really cared about me that mucho. so i'm just going to take this as a pure and simple brush off. very bad...

well, if that's how he wants to play it, then m thru playing nice.

xoxo

thinking positive :)

DEFYING GRAVITY

Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by
The rules of someone else's game
Too late for second guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you can't bring me down
Mmm-mmm

I'm through accepting limits
Cos someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But til I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well if that's love it comes at
Much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited
My future is unlimited
And I just had a vision
Almost like a prophecy
I know
It sounds truly crazy
And, true, the vision's hazy
But I can see it
I can feel it
I swear I'll be so high
yeah yeah

So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky
As someone told me lately
Everyone deserves a chance to fly
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who ground me
Take a message back from me
ah yeah

It's time to try defying gravity
I'm way up high, I'm defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me
You won't bring me down
aaah
ah-ah-ah-ahhh

**i like the lyrics of this song! :) i heard it from glee, discovered that its from the musical "wicked," found the clip on youtube (but thought it was scary/funny!), and so i am putting the links of glee and orig... FOCUS ON THE LYRICS. :)

awa ang clip sa wicked:


the GLEE version is much better!

me + catalyst = change

last night, i talked to the classmate. we drove around and hung out kahit super ulan.. i told him much of what i wanted to say. it felt good. :) he told me i made him happy. he told me i matured and that he saw me change. i asked him if he could point out areas which need improvement but he said that there was no more because he can see that i am actually doing good. i told him that he had such a positive effect on me. i am really happy that i can tell him these things and that he can take it. i am glad we are friends (and by friends, i mean it the conventional understanding of the word).

i like what i have become. i will not be the same person after this. i would like to think that i have matured. i feel ready to make positive changes in my life... or life-changing decisions that will, hopefully, make me better. i hope i can sustain this feeling. hehe:)

when i woke up this morning i told my HSBFF that "maybe the quick fix iv been searching for in bars and crazy night outs was not to be found there. u know? The epiphany that i needed and wanted to get? maybe i got it through someone over a long period of time.. and now that i recognize what is in front of me and what i need to do, am SKERD!"

love and peace!
god bless you!

foodtrip: ola espana

eating always feels good... but only if its good food. pero kung di masarap yung food, nkakasira ng mood. :)

last monday, fugloid and i went to ola espana at damosa... this month they are serving food buffet style. i think its 350 inclusive of bottomless iced tea and we both thought that the price more than worth it for the food, ambiance and service.

they had only a few viands... i can remember the salad bar, paella, lengua, and the lechon! haha! (imagine, may lechon sa buffet! haha! happiness...) everything that they served was good. its the kind of taste ur mom cant make with her "lutong-bahay".. (no offense..) but that is not to say na lasang foodcourt siya. i was not so fond of the soup that night. i think it was crab or shrimp based... and it was thick. and it left a not so pleasant aftertaste.. but the dessert was good.


as for the ambiance, whether u stayed inside or outside, it was really nice and cozy and clean. may wine cellar sila. the comfort rooms are nice and wont make you too shy to go peepee. :)

as for service, the people are nice and attentive. :)

we give ola espana four thumbs up.