the last 10 days for the end of year '09.
5 days to go for christmas day.
1 more tulog for my kuya's arrival.
wee! :) i was super happy in manila -shopping, friends, separation from davao's crap... and i just like that city so much. everytime i walk around makati, it feels like i am home or like i am in my element... i hope to go back and stay there for some time... soon! :) humanda! haha!
the year is about to end and i realized that i have so much to be thankful for...
SUCH AS:
1. i opened myself up to someone. i got my heart broken. learned my lessons and now im bouncing back. :)
2. i am more certain that law (school) is something i really want... i want it so much that it kinda scares me... so pagbalik ko sa school, humanda!!! haha!
3. i find myself closer to my God this time and the possibilities seem endless... even quitting vices seem easy! :)
4. i also found a deeper appreciation for life and everything it is about. i feel blessed and deeply grateful for the people around me, for all the things that fate has for me- all the people i met this year, all the things i discovered and all the things i did this year...
MADAMI... but im tired and sleepy na because i came from misa de gallo kanina...
ciao!
***************************************
PS. god bless you! spread the love.
hapi pasko! hapi nuyir! :)
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
bad feeling not to be forgotten
last sunday he tells me he missed me. last night, i saw him holding hands with a girl. perfect noh? nangurog ko. namugnaw. hyperventilate. then di makahinga. tightening sa chest. mind was wiped out. whew. that was hours ago but the feeling has not left me... the emotional aspect, the physical manifestation, and the mental blankness/anguish are still there. and i'm leaving for manila tomorrow and i'm not ready.
last night (in detail)--
i was at a watering hole in the city with an old guy friend.. when i got off the cab, i prayed na sana magkita kami. after taking a few steps, i turned and saw his vehicle heading for the parking lot... nasurprise ko! :) then i looked around pero sasakyan nya lang so i thought maybe may kasama siya sa car. but i saw no shadows thru the tint, so when it stopped, i opened the door and saw him with her on the passenger seat (where i used to sit). so with a smile on my face i asked "san ka?" without looking at her directly but seeing her shocked facial expression. hehe:) ka-awkward noh? he answered na dun sila papunta sa place where me n my frnd were supposed to go. so i closed the door again. matagal sila bumaba. n when they finally did, thru the corner of my eye i could see that he was walking a couple of steps ahead of her. when i looked up, i saw them looking at me and the girl grabbed his elbow. and then they held hands. then i just smiled and grabbed the bottle of vodka.. then he said some lame joke about "the bar" pero wa na ko kabantay kay at this point mura na kog gidauban!!! nangurog ko. namugnaw. hyperventilate. then di makahinga. tightening sa chest. mind was wiped out. he sat next to her and had his arm around her. she was malambing to him. (again, i saw this thru the corner of my eye. pasimple bah!:) clock ticked... he went out for a smoke. smiled at me and he looked at my friend. yung tipong nakaw na tingin. sipatan bah? i remember he did it a couple of times. then time kept moving.. then he went out for a smoke again and this time i asked him when niya kunin yung pasalubong ko for him.. he paused, smiled and said pwede next time na? i did not answer immediately, but i just looked at him. and told him il be in mla next week. he said "char mag-unsa ka didto?" "sikreto." then he said "dala mo ngayon?" and i tossed it to him. "ano toh?" no answer but i made a face as if to say wala lang so-so. then he said thanks. then it was awkward kay we had nothing to talk about so he turned towards the door. as he did so, he said "ikumusta mo pala ako kina tita tsaka tito.." then i said "asar! kaclose nyo!" then he replied/joked "syempre!" or something like that... nawala napud ko sa passing so i dont really remember anymore. hehe:) time passed again... and uwi na sila. when i got back from the restroom, i saw nasa parking lot na sila.. dumaan yung sasakyan niya sa tabi ko when they left.. then he said some stuff but all i could hear/remember was "thanks tans." or sumthing like that. i just looked at him for a sec and showed him my palm. then he drove off..
comment ng friends--
sabi ng friend ko evil siya. aksi nagsabi pa siya ng "mis u" last week...
and my freidn saidd, pwera love, ang chix daw kay mrag gikambras sa demonyo 6 times... hahaha! tapos ako kay 3 times lang daw... so panalo ako! haha! *labyoobai!*
pati sa lawas daug daw ghapon ko kay nataguan ra daw sa purple dress ang kamaot sa lawas ato... pero bitaw, tabaon bitaw akong tanaw ato niya.. and di kaayo nako feel iyang beauty.. or biased lang ko! hahaha!
sabi ng friends niya "nagselos ka noh?!" and they were laughing... nagulat ako kasi that was the last thing on my mind. wala ko nagselos.. weird. so i said "selos? wala. pero lain na makita nimo diba? pero ok lang. patas lang. all is fair in love and war. diba? murag ikaw gud! hehe"
comment ko---
when bad people do bad things, its nothing. when good people do bad things its something. so if u know ur bad, dont try to come off as a good person. it hurts more. again, i feel like i am losing faith in "the good" but im not wired that way. i will always believe in the goodness of people. it may seem naive and i may be gullible, but is it so wrong to have faith???
naapreciate nako akong ex kay bad siya and ang motto niya would be sumthing like "bad ko, labo na mausab. dili ko muingon na dili ko maghimo ug daotan. pero kung kaya nimo dawaton ko, maayo."
nalain ko. nalain jud ko.
last night (in detail)--
i was at a watering hole in the city with an old guy friend.. when i got off the cab, i prayed na sana magkita kami. after taking a few steps, i turned and saw his vehicle heading for the parking lot... nasurprise ko! :) then i looked around pero sasakyan nya lang so i thought maybe may kasama siya sa car. but i saw no shadows thru the tint, so when it stopped, i opened the door and saw him with her on the passenger seat (where i used to sit). so with a smile on my face i asked "san ka?" without looking at her directly but seeing her shocked facial expression. hehe:) ka-awkward noh? he answered na dun sila papunta sa place where me n my frnd were supposed to go. so i closed the door again. matagal sila bumaba. n when they finally did, thru the corner of my eye i could see that he was walking a couple of steps ahead of her. when i looked up, i saw them looking at me and the girl grabbed his elbow. and then they held hands. then i just smiled and grabbed the bottle of vodka.. then he said some lame joke about "the bar" pero wa na ko kabantay kay at this point mura na kog gidauban!!! nangurog ko. namugnaw. hyperventilate. then di makahinga. tightening sa chest. mind was wiped out. he sat next to her and had his arm around her. she was malambing to him. (again, i saw this thru the corner of my eye. pasimple bah!:) clock ticked... he went out for a smoke. smiled at me and he looked at my friend. yung tipong nakaw na tingin. sipatan bah? i remember he did it a couple of times. then time kept moving.. then he went out for a smoke again and this time i asked him when niya kunin yung pasalubong ko for him.. he paused, smiled and said pwede next time na? i did not answer immediately, but i just looked at him. and told him il be in mla next week. he said "char mag-unsa ka didto?" "sikreto." then he said "dala mo ngayon?" and i tossed it to him. "ano toh?" no answer but i made a face as if to say wala lang so-so. then he said thanks. then it was awkward kay we had nothing to talk about so he turned towards the door. as he did so, he said "ikumusta mo pala ako kina tita tsaka tito.." then i said "asar! kaclose nyo!" then he replied/joked "syempre!" or something like that... nawala napud ko sa passing so i dont really remember anymore. hehe:) time passed again... and uwi na sila. when i got back from the restroom, i saw nasa parking lot na sila.. dumaan yung sasakyan niya sa tabi ko when they left.. then he said some stuff but all i could hear/remember was "thanks tans." or sumthing like that. i just looked at him for a sec and showed him my palm. then he drove off..
comment ng friends--
sabi ng friend ko evil siya. aksi nagsabi pa siya ng "mis u" last week...
and my freidn saidd, pwera love, ang chix daw kay mrag gikambras sa demonyo 6 times... hahaha! tapos ako kay 3 times lang daw... so panalo ako! haha! *labyoobai!*
pati sa lawas daug daw ghapon ko kay nataguan ra daw sa purple dress ang kamaot sa lawas ato... pero bitaw, tabaon bitaw akong tanaw ato niya.. and di kaayo nako feel iyang beauty.. or biased lang ko! hahaha!
sabi ng friends niya "nagselos ka noh?!" and they were laughing... nagulat ako kasi that was the last thing on my mind. wala ko nagselos.. weird. so i said "selos? wala. pero lain na makita nimo diba? pero ok lang. patas lang. all is fair in love and war. diba? murag ikaw gud! hehe"
comment ko---
when bad people do bad things, its nothing. when good people do bad things its something. so if u know ur bad, dont try to come off as a good person. it hurts more. again, i feel like i am losing faith in "the good" but im not wired that way. i will always believe in the goodness of people. it may seem naive and i may be gullible, but is it so wrong to have faith???
naapreciate nako akong ex kay bad siya and ang motto niya would be sumthing like "bad ko, labo na mausab. dili ko muingon na dili ko maghimo ug daotan. pero kung kaya nimo dawaton ko, maayo."
nalain ko. nalain jud ko.
Friday, December 4, 2009
"to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die"
konger told me to see this. i anticipated the love stuff and the artsy fartsy appeal of the movie, so i watched it with martino, not really knowing that it was not a love story but a story of boy meets girl...
and i liked it... and no, not because the story sums up (with incredible precision) what happened between me and "my summer." although that personal experience contributed a lot with regard to my understanding or absorption of the story and what it was trying to say.
anyway, these are the reasons why i like it:
1. the shots were mostly close-up or zoomed in to something or someone. these shots are often used to draw attention to or emphasize someone or something. in the movie, it was used to give the audience a feel of what it is like to be in love.. u know? to pay attention to all the beautiful details, to just focus on that one person or event or thing and to not see the bigger picture. the close up shots got a bit annoying coz i could not see the scenery, but i appreciated the fact that it reminded us of how people in love see the world.
2. the story was not narrated chronologically. it went back and forth, relived some days and ignored some. i like that because that is how the mind works. the mind is not exactly always coherent, especially when it is rationalizing and trying to figure out a lot of things at the same time. instead, it pulls random memories and thoughts and it goes back and forth, while trying to make sense of things. it was rather helpful in conveying the characters pain and frame of mind.
3. i liked how love or experiences or a chapter in life was compared to buildings in architecture. it was said that in order to appreciate a building, you need to visualize or see it along with the other buildings around it.. in the same manner that an experience in life should not be taken as one unit or thing. it should be seen as a part of the grand plan or of life in its entirety.
4. i liked the black and white movie they saw! :) every scene had meaning or relation to what was happening with the characters tom and summer.. (actually, every scene in the movie 500dof had significance.. meaning, not much of the viewer's time was wasted.)
here are a few lines or parts that i liked:
*sadness is underrated.
*Summer: “One day I woke up and I just knew.”
Tom: “Knew what?”
Summer: What I was never sure of when I was with you XXX I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you…
I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you… ---ouch!
*and the part when they were at the door and Tom said that he did not care about the labels. he just wanted consistency; to wake up everyday blah-blah... the summer said "i cant give you that. no one can." like! hehe:)
there are a lot of things i forgot to mention in this post.. but these are probably the ones that i wanted to point out.
and i cant quite figure out why summer always had something blue on her... be it a blue ribbon, blue hair clip or her dress was blue or had blue prints... i did not get that... maybe it was a warning sign?? i dunno. i have theories, but none of it i can explain well.. any ideas?
ciao! :)
ps.
"If Tom had learned anything… It’s that you can’t ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. That’s all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence.
It took a long time, but Tom had finally learned. There are no miracles. There is no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be. He knew. He was pretty sure."
and i liked it... and no, not because the story sums up (with incredible precision) what happened between me and "my summer." although that personal experience contributed a lot with regard to my understanding or absorption of the story and what it was trying to say.
anyway, these are the reasons why i like it:
1. the shots were mostly close-up or zoomed in to something or someone. these shots are often used to draw attention to or emphasize someone or something. in the movie, it was used to give the audience a feel of what it is like to be in love.. u know? to pay attention to all the beautiful details, to just focus on that one person or event or thing and to not see the bigger picture. the close up shots got a bit annoying coz i could not see the scenery, but i appreciated the fact that it reminded us of how people in love see the world.
2. the story was not narrated chronologically. it went back and forth, relived some days and ignored some. i like that because that is how the mind works. the mind is not exactly always coherent, especially when it is rationalizing and trying to figure out a lot of things at the same time. instead, it pulls random memories and thoughts and it goes back and forth, while trying to make sense of things. it was rather helpful in conveying the characters pain and frame of mind.
3. i liked how love or experiences or a chapter in life was compared to buildings in architecture. it was said that in order to appreciate a building, you need to visualize or see it along with the other buildings around it.. in the same manner that an experience in life should not be taken as one unit or thing. it should be seen as a part of the grand plan or of life in its entirety.
4. i liked the black and white movie they saw! :) every scene had meaning or relation to what was happening with the characters tom and summer.. (actually, every scene in the movie 500dof had significance.. meaning, not much of the viewer's time was wasted.)
here are a few lines or parts that i liked:
*sadness is underrated.
*Summer: “One day I woke up and I just knew.”
Tom: “Knew what?”
Summer: What I was never sure of when I was with you XXX I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you…
I knew I could promise him I’d feel the same way every morning. In a way that I.. I never could with you… ---ouch!
*and the part when they were at the door and Tom said that he did not care about the labels. he just wanted consistency; to wake up everyday blah-blah... the summer said "i cant give you that. no one can." like! hehe:)
there are a lot of things i forgot to mention in this post.. but these are probably the ones that i wanted to point out.
and i cant quite figure out why summer always had something blue on her... be it a blue ribbon, blue hair clip or her dress was blue or had blue prints... i did not get that... maybe it was a warning sign?? i dunno. i have theories, but none of it i can explain well.. any ideas?
ciao! :)
ps.
"If Tom had learned anything… It’s that you can’t ascribe great cosmic significance to a simple earthly event. Coincidence. That’s all anything ever is. Nothing more than coincidence.
It took a long time, but Tom had finally learned. There are no miracles. There is no such thing as fate. Nothing is meant to be. He knew. He was pretty sure."
cebooo!
i had fun in cebu. it was my first time to set foot on the queen city of the south. i went there with my bestpal since high school. i booked the tickets weeks ago. i was determined to have fun and give myself a break from all the negativity i had going on here... and i got what i wanted in cebu. :)
.jpg)
me @ the basilica minore del santo nino
i found out that--
--there are a loot of good looking and hot guys in cebu. the girls are pretty pero kasagaran sapyot. haha!
--the price range for food and drinks? well, it ranges from dvo price to mla price. it depends on what you want to experience; kung high end, meron and kung cheap-ass back packer lang, meron din.
--the streets are narrow and the sidewalks are narrow. and the streets are so inter-laced that it feels like there is no such thing as a long street that goes straight. streets are basically cramped and crooked.
--and dont be surprised if the prettiest faces have the most bisaya tongues... as in bottle = "batol", sparkle = "sparkol"
--the party does not die in cebu.. not even on sundays. but be careful of prostitutes and the like.. there are a lot of them.
--there is a pretty good balance between what is old and historical, and what is new, modern and industrial.
cebu is good for short breaks or cheap but crazy get-aways.. but i think i'll find it hard to live there coz i see myself getting bored or running out of things to do. i mean, the city will lose its luster once i master the streets so it will seem a lot less exciting after living there for a month or so. i'll probably have a routine by then, and i probably tried everything the place has to offer by then... so, manila still has it, for me.
xoxo
************************
bdw, thanks to the people who made this trip sooooper fun!
.jpg)
perr, oskie n mumuy @ penthouse
.jpg)
me @ the basilica minore del santo nino
i found out that--
--there are a loot of good looking and hot guys in cebu. the girls are pretty pero kasagaran sapyot. haha!
--the price range for food and drinks? well, it ranges from dvo price to mla price. it depends on what you want to experience; kung high end, meron and kung cheap-ass back packer lang, meron din.
--the streets are narrow and the sidewalks are narrow. and the streets are so inter-laced that it feels like there is no such thing as a long street that goes straight. streets are basically cramped and crooked.
--and dont be surprised if the prettiest faces have the most bisaya tongues... as in bottle = "batol", sparkle = "sparkol"
--the party does not die in cebu.. not even on sundays. but be careful of prostitutes and the like.. there are a lot of them.
--there is a pretty good balance between what is old and historical, and what is new, modern and industrial.
cebu is good for short breaks or cheap but crazy get-aways.. but i think i'll find it hard to live there coz i see myself getting bored or running out of things to do. i mean, the city will lose its luster once i master the streets so it will seem a lot less exciting after living there for a month or so. i'll probably have a routine by then, and i probably tried everything the place has to offer by then... so, manila still has it, for me.
xoxo
************************
bdw, thanks to the people who made this trip sooooper fun!
.jpg)
perr, oskie n mumuy @ penthouse
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