no, i dont have the fear of spiders or the dark or stuff like that... i used to be scared of the deep water, but not to the point of fainting... i used to be scared of heights, but after i tried wall climbing, i found myself able to manage it well. anyway, that kind of fear is not the kind i am referring to... although, as i write this sentence, i realize that it should hint to the things i am (deeply) scared of...
on my 21st bday, my parents gave me a car but i never drove it. it was just parked on the driveway for 6 months before my parents finally decided to sell it. i did not want to drive for the fear of injuring someone... or getting into legal trouble.
i am 24 years old but i am still scared to fall in love. (okay, super cheeeezy line. sorry.) i am scared of how it will not turn out the way fairy tales predict... and instead become a collection of melancholy poems. i fear the pain, the unknown and the unknown amount of pain i have to live through if i allow myself to love.
well, since i am just rising from the ashes of my recent burn-out, i find myself far more scared now... i fear that to let him go means goodbye for good and we wont find our way back to each other. on the other hand, i fear that to hold on means being stuck and i dont want to be here till death. it seems that my fear of the unknown and of getting hurt again and being cursed to a miserable life has been intensified...
right now, i am just lost. but soon i know i'll find the courage. i know it's there somewhere... that bit of courage brought me here, so i just need to find it within myself again huh? :)
god bless!
ciao!
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