Friday, October 24, 2008

today, i---

---realized that i am a bitch to customer service personnel especially fast food chains. i know you're tired and you're doing your job and that nothing is your fault... whatever. do your job. that is your job. do it well so i wont have to be a bitch 2 u!

---realized that i haves strong feelings of dislike towards an aunt. whatever. she's the destroyer of lives, of families. i feel bad that she's physically sick and she's probably quite lonely and that she's slowly losing her grip on reality. but whatever. i have childhood scars because of her! forgive and forget? forgive? yeah. forget? malamang hindi! besides, i can always harbor hate for her, even if i have forgiven her. (in the same manner that you hate the bithc next to your recent ex.)

---realized that i truly am a bitter angry person. i just joke, smile and laugh a lot. i choose to be "happy" that's why. but whatever. its so hard to be truly happy, but at least this way i get some taste of it. it's much easier to pretend to be happy than to actually be happy. the battle between doing what is right and what makes you happy is hard. its torture. to the world you must appear happy. whatever.

---realized that to soak in anger feels so good. i hardly acknowledge anger because the world does not want to the "nega vibes." whatever. (like you cant get mad just because it makes them feel awkward...) but when i get angry, i love the rush. yung nanginginig ka na sa galit. sarap ng rush... i have not been violent for such a long time. its been years since i destroyed something out of anger. i have tried to train myself not to be violent or angry. because the world does not want, nor need, anger or violence.

---realized how different i am from my brother. perhaps you could even say we have irreconcilable differences. i especially like how he seems to blame me (or other) people for everything bad that happens. and yes, he also likes my sarcasm.

---realized how madonna's old songs and the "fame" official soundtrack takes me to a shining shimmering splendid place full of colorful feathers and men dressed as women.

---need to study for the last exam of my first semester in lawskool. i am already expecting a failing grade. but i'd still like to be able to answer. m still counting on the possibility that God might decide to make me pass. hehe:D so ciao! i just needed to vent, so i can go back to my old happy self! haha!

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