i never thought that i would have felt that way.
i never thought i would feel this way after all that...
the initiation process did get a bit too much. grabeng pressure!! and to think that it was like your in the boiling pot all the time... but the pressure was necessary. i realized that the initiation process was not merely to gain acceptance or admission to the sor, but also to know the self, to overcome fears, inhibitions and weaknesses, and to rise above all the challenges. of course, by complying, you get to prove your determination to join the sor and you get to show them what you are really made of. the process is quite perfect, actually... this initiation was quite humbling. i feel like i have been broken into tiny little pieces during the process and then the sor put me back together as a better person.
batch 2008 B was accepted last night and i was one of them. even though i was weak and performed poorly, they accepted me. i cannot throw that away. i will make them proud. i will not let the time come when they will regret accepting me. (but then, this is not to say i have less love for all that i have loved before. ptbke, diba? :)
but for now, since this is the first day of my return to my old self, i wanna spend it wrapping gifts, joyriding with my dad, then chikka my mom. and later in the hospital with lola. (i hope she gets better.)
god bless!
love and peace!
xoxo
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